Serendipity on this New Year.

Hey,

If you read this, that means you've been faithfully coming back here, despite my lack of any interesting post to publish. A lot has been happening in my life.....both of the decent, normal but mundane kind, as well as the secret, hidden but utterly amazing kind of things.

Just none I really want to post here.. for reasons I don't really know how to explain only to say that whatever words I have to say concerning those things do not belong here. They belong somewhere else, it a space of it's own.

The most common thing I've been writing about in this small little corner of cyberspace that I occupy is about sex. I assume this is the reason why you choose to come back here. You want to read about sex. It's the same reason I get more hits here although I hardly say anything of real worth here beyond sex, infidelity and fuck buddies than I do in other places where I share my mind.

But I have no juicy sex related topics to share with you. I write this because I just wanted to talk to some of you. There have been a few of you who have consistently hanging around, dropping comments (sorry I have not been replying) and just choosing to read the who load of crap I write; everything from chimpanzees to Tiger Woods to prostitutes and Bangla workers. It is to these people that I write.Chances are, I will probably never meet or get to know any of you. But I know that behind every pseudonym used to leave comments to me, there is a real person behind that keyboard communicating with me. I would like to nod my head and acknowledge you. I don't need to name you, if you read this, you will know if it applies to you. By the same token, do acknowledge that I too am a normal person, with a normal life, with normal (and some abnormal) issues to deal with. I will not always have some juicy story to share and reveal. Life isn't always that controversial for me. There are other parts of my life which I do not blog about here because, well, that's not what this blog is for. Do not come checking into this page expecting something interesting to be there every week.

I don't know what you expect to be reading everytime I post something new, but just let me say that this ISN'T a sex blog. I write about sex, and I divulge details about sex and what have you, but that is not the what this is about. Neither am I some casanova with an infinite number of conquest of women to tell you, nor some S&M practitioner that does all sorts of kinky stuff... If you want to read about sex, sorry to disappoint you.

I don't really know if this blog still serves any purpose at all, beyond me just sharing things I'd rather not say in my other blogs. But if I do write anything here at all from here onwards, they will be things that go through my mind, and in some instances, glimpses of my life. Our world so caught up with instant gratification these days. A website hardly gets beyond 2 paragraphs on its first page to make an impression on it's reader before the reader decides to click X. I offer no instant gratification or quick and easy reads. If you do enjoy the things I have written so far, it would have been because you actually read through the things I've been saying. And it's people like you I like having around. If you find my mind and my thoughts interesting enough.. hang around OK... I hope it will be regardless of whether or not I blog about sex. As for the rest of you, you can delete me from your bookmarks now.

Whoever you are, I just want to wish you a very Happy New Year for 2010. I learnt something new recently. It's called serendipity. It's when you start out on your journey, searching for one thing in life that you think will make you happy or complete or better or whatever. But along the way, you accidentally stumble upon something else, that proves itself to be of equal or if not more value to your life. Isn't that beautiful? I have experienced serendipity.. right from this blog. I thought I was looking for something through this blog.... but I found other things instead, things that I now consider such defining moments in my life. And the most amazing part of it all was, I didn't even see it coming. So, for you my friend... you who read my blog.. in addition to good health, happiness and love (with essence of ginseng) that I wish everybody this year round... I wish that in the coming year...in whatever you do... you will find serendipity in your life.

Rainbows and Sunshine

I held her hand and felt her soft skin.

I reached for her waist and pulled her close.

I stroked her hair and held her tight.

The sweet smell of her body

The gentle moan of her voice.

The melodious sound of her words.

Her lips; sweet and delicious.

Her hair fell over her forehead in the most compelling way.

Her eyes light up every time she spoke of something.

Her voice had passion that belied her petite body.

She was like firebrand; always stirring, always struggling


She was like streams of water; ever changing, always adapting.

She was like a rainbow; a rare and fleeting beauty that could only be cherished and loved. But never owned.

Rainbows are beautiful. Rainbows happen when there is rain and sunlight present in the right time, in the right amount, and at the right angles. The most beautiful things in life are made from opposing elements. Things that are bitter sweet. Things that not just sweet only. But things that are a mixture of one element with another that is supposedly the opposite. Things that are supposedly not ever meant to be associated with each other. Like rain.. and sunshine..

And yet... look up at the sky my friend. Look at what a little rain and sunshine can create. A rainbow.
Lucky is the man who chances upon it and knows how to appreciate it.

Beautiful in the it's simplicity.

Amazing in its richness.

I'd put up with all the rain all the time if it meant I get to gaze at that rainbow again.

I'd eagerly wait for the sky to break and wait for the sun come through.

Because it's with that beautiful rainbow in mind that makes me smile when I say those words

"Good Morning Sunshine."

A Beautiful Mess...

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You know what? Wherever it leads to, I'm glad you chose the long scenic road.

'A Beautiful Mess'

You've got the best of both worlds
You're the kind of girl who can take down a man,
And lift him back up again
You are strong but you're needy,
Humble but you're greedy
And based on your body language,
And shoddy cursive I've been reading
Your style is quite selective,
though your mind is rather reckless
Well I guess it just suggests
that this is just what happiness is

Hey, what a beautiful mess this is
It's like picking up trash in dresses

Well it kind of hurts when the kind of words you write
Kind of turn themselves into knives
And don't mind my nerve you could call it fiction
But I like being submerged in your contradictions dear
'Cause here we are, here we are

Although you were biased I love your advice
Your comebacks they're quick
And probably have to do with your insecurities
There's no shame in being crazy,
Depending on how you take these
Words I'm paraphrasing this relationship we're staging

And what a beautiful mess, yes it is
It's like picking up trash in dresses

Well it kind of hurts when the kind of words you say
Kind of turn themselves into blades
And the kind and courteous is a life I've heard
But it's nice to say that we played in the dirt
Cause here, here we are, Here we are
Here we are [x7]

We're still here
What a beautiful mess, this is
It's like taking a guess when the only answer is "Yes"

Through, timeless words and priceless pictures We'll fly like birds not of this earth

And tides they turn and hearts disfigure
But that's no concern when we're wounded together

And we, tore our dresses and stained our shirts
But its nice today. Oh the way it was so worth it.

Poor Tiger Woods

Am I the only one who is pitying Tiger Woods?

In case you haven't heard, Tiger Woods, arguably one of the most talented and dominating golfer of all time is now sort of in hot soup. He crashed is car into a tree, under suspicion of drinking or something. His wife had to smash his car window with a golf club to save his ass out of the car or something and he had to be sent to the hospital for a very brief while No major injuries. Nothing at all.

SOMEHOW, somewhere in between crashing his car, and his wife smashing his window, people started talking even more about Tiger Woods having an affair outside. How this even ties back to his car crash totally eludes me. The guy then starts talking about 'transgressions' and finally 'infidelity' and no is taking an indefinite break from golf to mend his family affairs. And now, everyone is waiting to see if major sponsors will start distancing themselves from him. All this talk about how it would 'damage his career' etc etc starts getting reported over the world.

And in all of this..... I was just thinking to myself

"Why the F**K is this being blown into such big proportions?"

First of all, Tiger Woods became an icon because of his golfing talents, not because of his 'moral integrity'. Secondly, despite now knowing that he screwed someone other than his wife, the man is still remains the best player in his sport. Thirdly, he ain't the first, nor will he be the last man (famous or otherwise) to be have cheated outside of his marriage. So why the hell is the media so intently making a big deal out of the whole issue?

I'm not saying the world should just pretend like it's no big deal. It is a screw up on his part. First for doing it. Then for being caught. But it's a personal matter, and it's got nothing to do with his professional life. David Beckham was caught cheating with the nanny. Did he get his sponsorship deals revoked? President John F. Keneddy was caught with Marilyn Monroe. Did he get impeached? Even good old Bill Clinton survived 2 expose's in his time in office. Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi 'consorts' with young beautiful women, and last time I checked, yup, he's still PM (albeit with a broken nose). And mind you, Italy is right where the Pope is, and even he hasn't said a thing.

I mean.... report it in the news if you have to. But all this over sensationalizing the issue just gets on my nerves. The news just goes on and on about how such a 'clean image' icon like Tiger Woods could do such things. Everyone's shocked. Everyone's surprised. *scoff* Tell me something; are you people really that naive? Or MAYBE... you're feigning it. Cuz really.... this ain't exactly THAT sensational a news you know.

Last I checked, he was still playing in the PGA, not the LPGA tour. Which means the guy still carries two balls with him after tee-ing off the driveway. When you have balls, I think it's safe to say you are a man. And when you are a man, I think it's safe to say that the possibility to cheat IS THERE. It always is. The richer, the more powerful, and the higher up you are in life.... the more likely it can happen. It's just a fact. So Tiger Woods cheated too. So? All it has proven is that though on the green he's considered a golfing god, off the green, he's still a normal human being. He faces the same challenges as everyone else, he battles the same demons. And just like everyone else, he screwed up big time too. 

Give the man a break. He doesn't owe the world, nor the media any explanation. He doesn't need to make any statements, nor take a break from the game to 'repent for his transgressions'. People don't watch Tiger Woods playing golf because of his 'outstanding moral fibre'... they watch because he does amazing things with his balls. (That came out sounding funnier than intended). The only people he does need to make amends with is his family.


And we all know he ain't getting any sex anytime soon anyway.

Poor Tiger.

Today Ain't one of those days....

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You know how some days you just feel like pouring your heart? You feel like if you don't share what's on your mind, or what' you're feeling, you heart feels like it is going to literally burst? You feel upset, you fell blue, you feel like the sky is falling and nothing seems right and everything just feels wrong? Know the feeling?

You want to know something?

TODAY'S AIN'T ONE OF THEM.

Nope. No-Sir-EEE.

Today I'm happy. OK, that's an understatement. Today, I'm way more than happy. I'm GREAT. No I didn't win the lottery. Today's one of those days where you feel like you're floating around dream-like state. You go through the motions of daily life... you perform all the functions of the earth.... but your mind is high up, in outer space somewhere, orbiting Venus probably.

Some secrets you feel like you need to share else it'd kill you. Others, you just want to keep to yourself and soak it all in.

You smirk, you smile, you giggle to yourself. The word thinks you're behaving like a total goof. But that's ok..... Cuz you know something they don't. Cuz you've got a secret and for once... it's a fantastic one.

;)

How to Buy a Condom

Condoms...

Your primary means of protection against unwanted babies... and unwanted Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STDs). Also a pre-requisite should you be one of those people harbouring to get laid anytime soon.

You know how learning how to ride a bike, or having your first kiss tend to be defining milestones in your life? Well, I think for men, buying your own condoms for the first time is one of those moments. Buying condoms for the first time has got to be one of those most awkward retail moments I've ever experienced. Come to think of it... buying condoms STILL is an incredibly awkward thing to do.


I don't know if it's just me that feels this way, or if other men feel it too. But have you ever walked into a conveniences store... with the single purpose of buying yourself a pack of condoms... only to find yourself grabbing a few other completely random and unneeded items to go along with that pack of condoms?

I swear.... it happens to me every time.

It's almost like... you can't just walk into 7Eleven and just buy condoms only.... nothing else. You gotta walk in... browse around a bit... pick up some everyday stuff like some bread... or a beer... or whatever.. and walk to the counter, go by the rack of condoms and go "Oh, what do we have here? Condoms? Hmm. Yeah, I think I need a few... might as well." before proceeding to select your pack. I suspect maybe these convenience store people sort of KNOW these unspoken awkwardness about buying condoms. We'll never know. But the condoms are often often strategically placed nearest to the counter... so that it can always be the LAST item you pick up before leaving the store. Nobody wants to be seen doing their shopping holding a pack of condoms.

Selecting your condoms also always seem to be a hurried job too. I don't know about others, but I enjoy reading packaging labels before purchasing an item. I like to know what I'm buying. The first time I plucked up the courage to walk up to the condom rack, I was completely perplexed. I thought condoms were just condoms... But NoooOOooo.. you're presented with a myriad of choices. There's flavoured ones, ribbed ones, ultra thin, extra safe, comfort fit, extra pleasure, extra spicy etc etc..... I panicked. "WTF man.. what's all this shit? I just want a regular condom!" But at the same time, I feel compelled to properly make a selection too, in line with regular shopping habits. You add this to a unspoken reluctance to be seen lingering too long around the 'condom section'... I often end up just picking one.. ANY ONE.. within 20 seconds of arriving at the rack.

So you grab your pack.. and walk to the counter.. and hold it like it's just one of those things you picked up 'along the way' with the rest of your stuff and act cool.

This is the part where it can go either very smooth, or seriously awkward depending on your situation. There are 2 people you will meet. Other shoppers... and the cashier. If either one are MEN...you're safe. If one man sees another buying a pack of condoms, it's nothing to be shy about. It's almost something to gloat about. That packet of condoms basically shouts out "Take a good look at my face dude. This is the face of someone who's getting laid." The bigger your pack of condoms, the stronger the signal. And yes, you're allowed to snigger, though it's completely unnecessary. My suggestion; let the condoms speak for itself. Of course, this novelty dies down the older you get when buying condom don't seem such a big deal anymore.

Now, if you bump into a FEMALE cashier / shopper.. things may get a bit awkward. Maybe if the person was your age.........it's fine. Everyone screws around these days. No big deal. Just cross your finger and hope she isn't looking at your face and wondering "Wah, this kind of fella also can get laid ar? Bluueeerghhh" To preempt this reaction.... make sure you never go buying condoms in your favorite stinky shirt, shorts and slippers. You don't have to put on your best cloths, style your hair, spray some cologne and wear your best shoes.. The goal here is just to look somewhat 'fuckable'... Geddit. Fuckable. Consider tucking in your tummy throughout the entire duration you are in the store. If you're still looking ugly and repulsive despite best efforts, my deepest condolences. Dark shades or paper bags over the head are always useful.

The real problem comes if the lady you encounter... is any one those ultra conservative aunties who refer to sexual organs as 'your down there la'.. or 'that thing la'. Boy.... can you imagine holding a pack of condoms standing next in line to a lady old enough to be your mother? **Sweat** She'll probably be wondering "Eiyer.. look at this boy.... buying condom. He doesn't look like he's married. Tsk tsk tsk... kids these days ar....I wonder who's daughter is that." There's something awkward about acknowledging sexual desire when it comes to people we consider our elders. I'd no sooner divulge any details of my sex life to my father than I would listening to vivid details of how my parents 'do it'. It's just................ awkward. Sometimes I wonder how they'd reach if I looked straight back at them in the eye and smile and a wink, basically sending the message "Oh yes auntie. I'm boinking someone's daughter good. And yes, it could easily be yours!" Hahaha.... the thought never ceases to amuse me.

So yeah... that's pretty much it. You make your payment. and you walk out the door. And suddenly it doesn't seem like such a difficult thing after all, until you need to buy some more that is. Hahaha.....

Anyway, here's a good joke about condoms to close this (already way out of hand) post. It goes something like this:

A boy walks into a store with his dad and passes the condoms section. He becomes very curious about the different pack sizes and ask his dad how you know which sizes to buy


"Well son, the 3 in one packs are for single colleague students. One each for Friday, Saturday, and Sunday." said the dad.


"What about the 6 in one pack?" ask the son.

"That? Oh, that's for when you're dating someone seriously. One for each day of the week, except Sundays. Sundays you rest." said the father. 

"And the 12 in one pack?" ask the son. 

"That one my boy? Sigh..... That's for when you're married. One for January, one for February, one for March so on and so forth.............." 

 Cheers!!

Johnny boy oh Johnny boy.... Be Still

Johnny boy oh Johnny boy,

Why the long face? Why the heavy sigh?

Let it go my boy.... let it go. As surely as you hold on tightly to some things, other things you just got to learn how to let go.

Why go down that road my boy.. why? Don't go down roads you know you aren't supposed to be on. Roads that you know come to a dead end. Roads you know only you want to be on.

Why yearn my boy, why yearn? Don't yearn for things that aren't supposed to be. Don't yearn for things you aren't supposed to have. Is it not enough to be happy with what you have?

Don't resent my boy, don't resent. You are who you are. Accept it. You will never be what you lustfully wish to be. Some things you are, and some things you just aren't.

Think straight my boy, think straight. You've been entertaining too many crazy thoughts. Thoughts that should remain just that; thoughts and nothing else.

Stop it my boy, stop it. You can't have your cake and eat it. If you try to, you might just hurt not only yourself, but everyone else too. Then what?

Don't covet my boy, don't covet. Though some things you just long to have, long to touch, long to hold, sometimes, it's just not meant for you.

Johnny boy oh Johnny boy,

I know your heart better than anyone else. I do. Everyone knows you're a good man. But I know deep down you feel like THAT is your problem. You feel like you're just too darn nice to do things you aren't supposed to do, to say things you aren't supposed to say. to reach out and grab the things you want without caring. I know you hate this part of you as much as you are proud of it. And I know that you hate that you just can't stop it either. You are starting to hate being a good man, and that is sad. You feel trapped. Trapped between being the person you've been all this while; sensitive, thoughtful, respectful and acting on the things your heart so desires for.You envy those who don't know any better, you envy those who aren't the wiser, because later when they do grow wiser, they can turn back and just say "I was a fool then, I'm wiser now." And all wrong deeds are forgiven and forgotten and they are praised for learning so well from life's lessons.

You could. You could really throw all the cards in the air, fling morality, reason and everything else out the window and go for broke. Gamble. Risk. Do the very thing you are so terrified of doing. Live your life with abandonment. And taste the glorious fruits of your lustful actions. Or feel the pain of crashing and burning in your own foolishness. You may decide you want to be a fool for once in your life. But even if you do, it still takes two to tango my boy. Do you drag others down that same road of foolishness with you? Who's the real fool; the one that doesn't know any better or the one that does but acts the fool anyway?

I know my boy, I know. I know you feel it's something special. I know your heart is not moved easily, and now that it has, your world feels upside down. I know you look deeply into those eyes and long for something more to be there. A light. A spark. A way. But there is no way. There is no spark. And the light you see is an illusion of your mind. You are hoping for something that isn't there. You are looking for a road that does not exist. The lights are dim, the music is in the air, but it's just you standing there alone on the dance floor. She will not tango with you boy, stop kidding yourself. You set yourself up for disappointment 

You're a tormented soul. But you are the tormentor of your own heart.

You're a big boy.... you should be able to take care of yourself.

Hold on tight. Weather this raging storm your feelings are pouring down on you.

Seek peace.

Seek solace.


Be still my soul. Be still.

How horny am I?

How horny am I? Oh, let me count the ways:

1. I'm so horny, listening to the pre-recorded voice of my telco phone customer support turns me on.

2. I'm so horny, I'm actually listening to Marvin Gaye singing Let's Get it On

3. I'm so horny, I thought of trying to hit on the 'auntie' from my office.

4. I'm so horny, I'm staying clear of women holding lollipops.

5. I'm so horny, screwdrivers are sounding more and more like a sex toy.

6. I'm so horny, midget sex doesn't seem like such a gross idea after all.

7. I'm so horny, the thought of fucking a fat woman doesn't make me puke anymore.

8. I'm so horny, "You want fries with that?" is starting to sound like a pick-up line.

9.I'm so horny, I tried looking up the skirt of a guan yin statue before remembering that goddesses don't have vagina's.

10. I'm so horny, getting a blowjob from even from a guy may be.... wait a minute... no.... sorry... I'm not THAT horny.

If you find me in my bedroom, dead with a massive hard on, it probably means I died of horniness.

Jacking off is like...

Jacking off is like............ going vegetarian.

It fulfills the purpose. It gets you through the day. It fulfills the hunger for a while. But it hardly ever leaves you satisfied the way sinking your salivating mouth into a hot juicy piece of woman meat does...

And for the record, I hate going vegetarian. I always need meat.

I know what you did...

He thinks I didn't notice... but I did.

He thinks I didn't know... I already did, from the very start.

But I play along.

I close an eye.

I'll put up with it for now.

Il'l feign ignorance for now.

I'll allow you your little secret........ for now.

Why? Because everyone has secrets they keep... and so do I.

Pissed, tired, horny

Sorry, I'm not in the mood to write about anything remotely interesting here. 

It's 3.30a.m in the morning right now, my eyes are heavy, my shoulders are tense, and every inch of my body is asking for rest. But for some reason, my heart won't settle.

Maybe it's because I'm disturbed. We just had first long distance argument over IM's and Skype. She was damn pissed at me.. over some stupid issues pertaining to her family and medicine.. which I will not write here (cuz I'm just not in the mood for that right now)... and somewhat upset that I had not informed her that I was going out with friends...

You want to know a secret? I lied.

I told her I was out with my guy friends watching a movie. That was only half true. I was in fact, out with A friend. A female one at that. And we had dinner, and a movie, the we drove around, and stayed out late for drinks before saying goodnight.... and yes we had a good time (or at least I think we did)

Don't misunderstand. There was no hanky panky. We were friends. This was just casual dinner. And a movie. Heck, she paid for dinner, at her insistence. Our appointment was made weeks earlier. She wanted someone to watch a movie with. I just wanted some company. She needed some help with her boyfriend's car. I just wanted to drive her boyfriends car (because I've never driven a car like that before). Perfectly harmless. Perfectly platonic.

But I lied anyway. Because it was easier that way. Her insecurities and suspicions sometimes knew no bounds. She'd automatically be suspicious of any women around me other than those already known and trusted by her. She didn't trust other women. She stopped short of saying it in words, but she didn't trust me either.

But I wasn't about to kick a fuss or complain. Let her maintain her distrust. It's OK. It's warranted. Because god knows, thoughts of cheating had already come to me very early on. Thoughts of screwing other women, and stating affairs and whatever else comes my way.......... oh yes.. they were there.... and I think I've been only too ready to act on them. Maybe I've just been waiting for the right opportunity and the right candidate to come along. Will I feel guilty? Probably. Is it enough to stop me? Honestly? No. I meant it when I said I'm sick and tired of being goody two shoes. This time, I don't care if what I'm doing isn't quite right, or morally acceptable. I find myself yearning. Yearning to feel with my body, the warmth and the pleasure of a woman's body. 

I'm not used to this permanent heightened state of horniness. Imagine getting a steady supply of tap water for years and years.... and suddenly the tap is shut tight. That's how it is right now. I'm high, and I'm dry. My judgment is clouded. My mind is polluted. Dirty imagines and thoughts have found a permanent place in my head. Every interaction with persons of the opposite sex seemed a more heightened than normal. Every casual brush of the skin and touch of the hand... more arousing to me than it really should be.

I also look at my recent few post was just wondering since when did I so suddenly favour using the F words so often and so liberally. It's probably an accumulation of sexual frustration. It has to come out in some way.... and in my case, it's seeping through my words. It's no longer enough to just say "I'm feeling horny." I need to say "I'm feeling fucking horny." It's not enough to say "I need some pussy right now.:" It's "I fucking need some fucking pussy right fucking now.". It just feels like the words not quite properly convey the emotion without the F word sprinkled (generously) around my sentences.

OK... that's it.. that's all I have to say right now. Maybe I'll feel better in the morning after a good rest... But right now? I'm just pissed. I'm pissed, I'm tired.... and I'm horny.


Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgghhh.......

This lucky S.O.B... is my idol.

You see this guy right here? Well, at the moment.......he's my freaking idol. Or more like fucking idol.

In case you haven't heard, this dude right here was formally known as some professional photographer. But today, he's mostly known as the lucky-son-of-a-b*tch who's threesome sex tape with Ms. Japan 2008 and Ms Trinidad & Tobago 2008 has been leaked onto the internet.

Another sex tape you wonder? I mean, after Paris Hilton and Dr. Chua Soi Lek (our former minister), Gary Ng and Edison Chen, you'd wonder if this was even news worthy anymore. Sex tape only mah... what's the big deal?

The big deal is....... the footage........It's raw, it's real.. it's SMOKING HOT!

In case you haven't seen it, parts of the video here but you gotta search elsewhere to find the missing first half, which features Ms. Japan in some much hotter action. First half of the video has little Ms. Japan giving our dude here a blowjob before being pounded in the ass by our hero here. Maybe Ms Japan doesn't do it up the ass often, or maybe she likes it too much, but BOY.. she is SCREAMING HER LUNGS OUT.. and when he's done, she has this "Oh.. MY.. F'in GOD.." look on her face. And who's filming them? Ms. TnT of course!!

After some cute jokes and a giggle he asks Ms. Japan "Do you want to film me fucking her (Ms TnT).." and she starts Ms. TnT in action with said lucky bastard who starts out doing doggy style before changing to ride on top of him and yes, anal too.

I watched the entire footage, mouth agape, cock hard as a rock, wondering to myself "How the fuck did this guy get so lucky? Having a threesome is one thing. Have a threesome with 2 hotties is another.... but having a threesome with 2 national pageant winners?????????? THAT.. IS.. FUCKING... WICKED... DUDE.

I suppose he sort of knew that himself, cuz there's this one moment when the dude has the biggest, goofiest grin on his face when pounding Ms. Japan in the ass from behind that said something to the extent "Look at me ma, I'm pounding Ms. Japan in the ass, and I'm about to pound Ms. TnT too!"

When you hear me, and the rest of the male population calling him a lucky son of a b*tch.. it's our way of begrudgingly acknowledging that the guy has just did something all other men only dream about. And in my current ultra hyped up state of horniness, you just want to fucking HATE THE DUDE!! I mean, how do you think it makes a person feel, when he can't even get laid normally, and then he hears about a dude, who takes pictures for a living, gets to screw cute little Japan AND and sultry Ms TnT.....at the SAME TIME!!...There should be a law against boinking 2 beauty queens at one time I tell you.

The only other person I can think of that might match this guy... is none other than George Best.. the legendary Manchester United player. God rest his soul now that he's dead, but George Best is considered a real legend among Man Utd fans... but he wasn't famous just for kicking a ball around like he owned the field. He was known to be a heavey drinker, and a real charmer (read womanizer). So much so that he was said to have dated and bedded countless countless hot beauty queens and models and actresses........ You can never be sure of which part of his life they are referring to when people call him The Legend; what he could do with a ball.... or what /who he did with HIS BALLS?

But I doubt even George Best had a threesome with two beauty queens.. which is why our lucky bastard over here, also deserves some sort of salute also la..........which is why for at least this moment, this guy is my idol!!

I need this book : Idiot's Guide: How To Get Laid

2 seconds after publishing that last post, I wondered if I should perhaps delete it.

I was suddenly worried about what people might start thinking. I was just thinking.. "Ayo, after whoever reads it just thinks I'm just this crude, horny desperate guy who doesn't even know how to get himself laid. How ar how ar how ar?"

Then I remembered. "Wait, oh ya, right...I AM a freaking crude horny desperate guy who doesn't know how to get himself laid. It's not the only thing that I am.. but it's certainly one of the things." Hahaha........

I laughed at myself.... and decided to just keep it there.

After all, I'm pretty sure every (normal) human being, male or female, young or old, straight or gay, holy or hell-bound have at some point in their life felt the same way... Horny as hell but not doing anything about it cuz, they're just not quite sure WHAT do to.

You know that series of 'Idiots Guide To' books? Yeah, well I think they missed one subject to their series.

 "Idiot's Guide : How To Get Laid"

F.U.C.K.

I know I may be just blowing things out of proportion right now.

I know many men have lasted longer without.

I know it ain't about to kill me

this sounds crude

BUT

I'M

STARTING

TO

FEEL

SO

DAMN

FUCKING

HORNY

&

JACKING

OFF

EVERY

SINGLE

NIGHT

HAS

NOT

HELPED

ONE

SINGLE

BIT

.

WHAT

THE

FUCK

AM

I

SUPPOSED

TO

DO

.

NO

FUCKING

WAY

CAN

I

LAST

THE

NEXT

YEAR

WITHOUT

GETTING

ANY

PUSSY

.

I

NEED

A

REAL

FREAKING

BLOWJOB

FROM

A

WOMAN

.

I

NEED

TO

SPANK

SOME

ASS

.

I

NEED

TO

GRAB

SOME

BOOBS

.

I

NEED

TO

EAT

SOME

PUSSY

.

I

NEED

A

FUCK

.

ARRRRGGHHH

.

TOMORROW

EVEN

A

PIANO

LEG

MIGHT

START

TO

LOOK

AROUSING

.

 I

THINK

I'M

F.U.C.K.E.D

of menstruating & Horniness

Would you have sex with your partner if she was on her period?

This topic came up recently in one of my conversations with a friend. Apparently, some women are horniest when their on their periods.

Funny, cuz I always thought women tend to become extra bitchy (than normal) during these times due to the discomfort. Some women I know have cramps so bad they can't function the entire day. Other women seem to just breeze through it. Some women get PMS (which contrary to popular belief, is actually short for Prehistoric Monster Syndrome) while others don't seem any effects at all. And suddenly I'm told women are also horniest when during their period! Can you believe that?

I somehow think this isn't true for all women. (I'm pretty sure their isn't any statistics on this either). But I wouldn't dare challenge the authenticity of such statement especially when it is made by a woman herself.... simply because... well..... Firstly, hearing that a woman gets horny is always a kind of good news no man would willingly disprove. We want you to be horny. We really do. It makes us being absolute dickheads not such a bad thing.  And second, this sorta thingy fits nicely into a category I like to call 'the great mysteries of the universe; figuring women out'. Women are 'un-figure-out-able' (HAH, I'm pretty sure I've just invented a new word there). Thirdly, we don't really understand this whole period and PMS thingy. I once read a quote (can't remember who sorry) that said something to this effect "I can never fully understand something that bleeds 5 days in a month, every month.... and doesn't die." Whoever that brave man was, I'm pretty sure he slept on the couch that night (or was buried six feet under if the wife was on PMS)

But if I was a woman, and I was having stomach cramps, I'm bleeding out of my vagina, and I've got to wear this pad everywhere, soaking up my blood, I don't think I could be horny one bit. In fact, I'd probably want to make all the men around me who don't bleed every month suffer too. Make them bleed too. Muahahahaha...

Assuming this is true, that women do get hornier during their periods, and she's willing to get it on with you, there are still some hurdles to overcome. First there is the issue of blood and the mess it creates. A man will need to overcome the fact that she's bleeding. This is a case of mind over matter. You've got to be horny enough, not to care that you're about to stick your weener into a bleeding vagina filled with month old placenta and membranes being ejected from the body.

Then, there's the issue of creating a mess. If you're humping on the bed, it's bound to stain. A coloured / disposable towel will be needed at hand. Your freedom of movement is also limited, as you can't be withdrawing and performing half the positions of the kama sutra without dripping blood everywhere. At max, you're stuck with 1 or 2 selected positions. And when the deed is done, and the man withdraws, he'll have to overcome the inclination to faint upon seeing his weener smothered with blood. (and if you have a weak stomach for blood, this may be a problem). There can also be no more oral sex after penetration.

A fantastic idea was mooted by my friend to counter this. Do it in the shower. Brilliant. No mess, blood washes away, and there's no need to shower again after sex!

Another plus point on having sex on a woman's period (other than the fact that she's extra horny) is that there is zero chance of getting pregnant. There's no worry about accidentally conceiving, no counting down the days to your period, and the best part is, no condoms needed. You can do it raw (provided you trust she hasn't any STD's. Ain't that a good trade off?

So gathering the facts, I stand a better chance of getting laid if I can find myself a horny menstruating woman who needs a shower.

Here's the pickup line (doomed for failure)...

"Hey babe, you menstruating?" 

"What?" *slap* 


"Ouch, no.. I mean... you look like you might be feeling horny tonight you.. cuz you know, you are menstruating right?"  *wink*


"WTF?" *slap slap*


"No, no.. I mean that in a good way.. as in if you're horny, but menstruating, maybe you / we should take a shower?" 


"You sick pervert!" *punch & kick in the balls*


:-S

Sigh...............hopeless. I'm never going to be able to pick up women, menstruating or otherwise.

We made love, with teardrops on her cheeks...

She gives out a small scream as I tried pulling the towel off of her. Her hands grab at the corners of the towel tightly as I yanked even harder..

"Aaaahh!..". she shouts, as I successfully take the towel off, revealing her naked body. I give a naughty smiles as I throw the towel to one side.

She turns to the mirror, and starts poking at her tummy and her thighs... "You see, I'm so fat. Sometimes, I really wonder what is it in me you see. SO UGLY." she says, widening her eyes and making a funny face at me.

I stand up, and turn her around, holding her by the waist.... and yank her towards me, our hips joining one another.

"UGLY.. Who says ugly? How dare you talk bad about my woman!!" I reply.

"I may have no sense when it comes to cloths and fashion, but I will have you know, that I happen to be an excellent judge of people... and I have EXCELLENT taste when it comes to women. So don't you dare say other wise ok?" I added as I mockingly poke at the fats at her arms.

She gives me a knowing smile, as she feels my erection growing underneath my pants...

"Why hello there.... what do we have here?" she says starts brushing the front of my pants.

I raise her hands and wrap them behind my neck as I pulled the rest of her body towards mine, her bare breast and nipples rubbing against my chest. "We have unfinished business, that's what we have" I whispered into her ears.

We start kissing, as I rhythmically turn her body left to right, gently rubbing her nipples against my body. She gives a moan, and as the she does so, I kisser her deeper, burying the sound in between our locked lips. I lead forward, the the both of us gently crash down on the bed. Her hands leave my neck, and slowly start pushing my shorts down and away.

I lift her up and place her center of the bed. and come on top of her. I run my lips down her neck, kissing her skin every few inches downwards, from her neck line, to her breast, down her navel, and finally to her crotch, teasing her a bit before coming back up again, kissing her lips deeply again.

I stop, and look down at her, her eyes wide open, her hands laid at her side, a look of total submission on her face. I know it's her favourite position. Me being on top. Me being in control. She enjoyed that. I pull her body close to mine, and slowly spread her legs, positioning myself to enter her.

She looks a bit surprised. "Don't you want a blowjob?" she asks. I smile. She knew how much I enjoyed her blowjob, and she knew exactly the way to give them to drive me crazy every single time. I never needed to ask for a blowjob. She gave them to me eagerly and willingly; something I was infinitely pleased about.

"Shhhhh.... no talking." I whispered in between a smile. "You can give me the blowjob later..." Right now, I just wanted to make slow, gentle, passionate love to her. She closed her eyes, as I slowly guided my manhood inside of her. I felt her body arc and her moans escaped her lips, as I entered all the way.

Her hands reached behind my back and clasp each other as I thrust long gentle strokes, burying myself completely in her and pressing up and holding after pushing all the way in before taking it almost completely out. I placed my hand behind her neck to support her and giving her quick light kisses, keeping the distance between her body and mind just enough so that her nipples rub against me as her body moves to my strokes.

"I love you... I love you so much... " she tells me in between the kisses and strokes...

I reach out and run my fingers down her cheeks. "I love you too beautiful." I feel a drop of water along her face and thought it was my sweat, dripping on her. Only..... I wasn't sweating at all.

It was her tear drops.

I wiped the tears away from both cheeks, and just continued kissing her. There was really nothing much to say. It was a moment of tenderness, of vulnerability, of love... and all I felt I could do, was hold her tighter, and make love to her, all night long if possible. We just kept at that position.... and I focused all my energies on her, her body, and the sensations we were giving each other. I held and I held and I held, and finally, when I could not hold the floodgates anymore, I came; my slow gently strokes turning into long hard powerful ones releasing all my fluids , deep deep into her as I moaned deep and loudly. Her hips, gyrating to mind, her moans, echoing mine.

My muscles loosen, as we stay motionless on the bed. The contractions slowly fading. The muscles in my leg twitching so hard, even she could feel it. We continue kissing each other..... small, quick kisses.

"I'll miss you.. I'll miss you so badly..." she tells me....

"It's OK dear... its OK. Everything will be OK. I'll miss you too... but everything will be OK.." I whispered into her ears.

A lover that never was.......

I hardly have dreams... but I had one... a few nights ago.

I suppose its really nothing interesting to write about, except that in this one, someone unexpected made an appearance. An old crush.... More like... an old infatuation really. The first girl I ever fell head over hells over with. The first girl I plucked up the courage to try and call and make small talk with, the first girl that somehow, broke my heart despite the fact that nothing ever happened between us.

I was in some bizarre hall, with some completely random bunch of people, watching a performance on stage. My girlfriend was there, sitting in the back. I was floating around the room, talking to people here and there. I remembered everything immediately right after I woke up, but I guess with all dreams, you forget most parts as the day gets going. But one part, the most significant part of that dream, stayed with me. It's almost like the whole scene got imbued in my mind, become a memory. Only... it never really happened at all.

I sat at empty row of chairs, watching some sort of singing on stage, and then to my left, I realized... that she was there sitting next to me, exactly the way I remembered her...

******************************

Heart shaped face, almond shaped hazel eyes, long smooth hair, soft voice. The same face I admired for so many years as I was growing up.... but always, from afar. Even now, so many many years later, the thought of her somehow still evokes strong emotions in me. We were in the same school, in the same class for seven years, and even attended the same private tuition together for a while. I used to steal glances at her from the other side of the classroom. To me, she was the most beautiful girl I'd ever laid eyes on. I'm pretty sure she wasn't perfect, but it sure felt that way to me at the time. On days that she noticed me, or talked to me, I would feel elated. On days that she was absent or sick, I would feel down and blue. Everyone used to tease and guess that I had a major crush on her. I denied everything till the end, something I came to regret later. I should have done something... but I guess at the time, I didn't know what people meant by fighting for your love. But I was also afraid. Because somewhere deep down, I didn't think she liked me the way I liked her. She WAS one of the prettiest girls in school... she had plenty of suitors. I didn't want to be just like everyone else. That's why I never admitted my feelings to anyone.

I was too shy to try and court her openly. It took me 3 and a half years before I plucked up the courage to call her to chat on the phone, and despite the language barrier, she somehow responded to my calls. When I called, she would into her room, making sure there was no one around before we continued talking. That tiny little fact was enough to make me shoot to the moon. She wanted to talk to me, ALONE.......

I think she knew how I felt about her. I somehow believe that women always know when a man is fond of them. I'd go tongue tied around her. I'd hardly even dare look her in the eyes when I first saw her. Just the thought that she knew and acknowledged that I existed gave me butterflies. I thought about her day and night....... Have you ever fell so hard for someone like that before?

I kept the phone calls secret from everyone else. I don't know if she ever told anyone. But despite it going seemingly well.. I stopped. I stopped calling.

I had heard from someone close to me, that she had said she could never like 'a guy like me'.... I didn't know what 'a guy like me' meant. But whatever it was, she didn't fancy it. A guy like me? What kind of guy am I? Too fat? Too boring? Too plain? Too nice? Too............. ordinary? I admitted it ... I AM an ordinary guy. There is NOTHING special about me. I felt like my whole world was crashing down on me. She just validated my insecurities. A girl like her, beautiful, admired by men, envied by women.... could never like, love or even consider............ a guy like me. I think till this day, I still carry that sense of insecurity. I still feel like 'a guy like me' could never be appealing to women, especially beautiful women, who could have their pick of men. I still feel like 'a guy like me' falls short of other more good looking, capable, suave, macho, fashion savvy, rugged and charming men.


I told myself I should stop liking her. I told myself I should start hating her. I told myself I deserved someone else.. someone who could appreciate me for who I was. I didn't want to like someone who didn't like me. And so I stopped calling her. I couldn't bare talking to her anymore after hearing what she allegedly said. And she never asked why. I could stop the calls... But I couldn't stop the feelings inside. Despite trying to hard, I couldn't bring myself to stop liking her. I couldn't bring myself to stop feeling the way I felt about her. I knew I deserved someone who would appreciate me and liked me back... but all I wanted was for HER to appreciate me. And so, I continued admiring her from a far, continued thinking of her... even with a wounded heart, even when it hurt so bad. I never dared seeking out the truth in those words I heard too because.................................I was too afraid that it would turn out to be true. It was easier to think that I called it off than to find out that I never really stood a chance. 

Maybe this was why I started ignoring beautiful women on the surface. Maybe I want revenge for what she did / didn't do. Or maybe I'm afraid of falling for them and discovering that they could never like a guy like me again, repeating my whole nightmare.



On the last days of school, as we graduated.... I took one last look at her.... from a far... like how I did all these years. And though I had deeply admired her for so many years, I gave up long before anything could ever start. I remember gazing at her and thinking to myself that this IS the last time I'll ever get to set my eyes upon her like this again. I knew that this was the end of it. She was the lover that never was...  She'll never know... how strongly I felt about her... She'll never know... how my heart ached for her all those years.... she'll never know... that I adored her much more deeply that all those other men, who were only interested in her looks, and her body. 7 long years I admired her from afar. I regretted not being more of a man. Those were the last days I had any sort of her presence in my life....

******************************

And suddenly, here she was again, sitting next to me, in my dreams. And the feelings were the same. Looking at her still gave me butterflies.. and she was still as beautiful as ever. I looked at her speechless.



She reached out and held my hand...... and I stared at her soft skin and cheeks... numb. 


She opened her mouth and said to me "Go out with me.. just for a month. Treat me the way you would if I were your girlfriend. I just want to know, how it feels like... being with you. I'll be gone from your life after that.... I just want to know......" 

Numb


"but.... I have a girlfriend... and she's right at the back... and.... and...." I stuttered.



"And.... I dont care...." she said. 


I looked back at her, looked down at our touching hands.


"So this is how it feels like to hold her hand..." I thought as the emotions started to swell up. For so long..... for so long I stood by......



Maybe the thought / dream of it was too much for me.......... jolted out of my sleep. 

It felt so real.
It felt like I finally did hold her hand.
It felt like I finally did have her heart.  

Why? Why was she suddenly haunting me now in my dreams? There have been very few significant women in my life. She was the first one ever to sweep my off my feet in such a spectacular way, despite doing nothing. And despite not being anything more than just friends with her, somehow, I had reserved spot for her in my heart knowing fully well that the place will never be taken up. It remains there empty. Only a few women have ever completely swept me off my feet..... she was the first one. The second one, was blissfully sleeping by my side, unaware that I was awake. Would there be third one? But perhaps in memory of how she made me feel, I have been reluctant to totally erase this girl from my mind. Maybe that's why I dreamt of her... she's still there somewhere in my heart.... a shard from the past refusing to be erased; my first feelings of infatuation, obsession, heartbreak, hurt, fear. She stole my heart, kept it for years and she broke it into pieces... not knowing she ever had it in the first place. The lover that never was...... 


Sigh...........Why couldn't I just have dreamt of naked women on the beach or something.....




 

I'll miss you....

The radio was playing gently, as I navigated my way through traffic. We were coming home from dinner.

The countdown had started almost a month ago, when she first got the news confirmed. I was so excited when I heard the news. "Oh my god, you got it! You got it! Exactly the way you have hoped for!" I said to her with excitement. I guess the euphoria of it all was still in the air.. and I was just conveniently shoving aside the implications of it all. It was what she wanted. It was what she had been aiming for. And it was what, I was supporting her in.

She was going away.

But tonight, I felt the looming arrival of that date.. the date she will be going away. As the weeks passed, the feeling of euphoria had slowly turned into one of a somewhat detached feeling of pending sadness, uncertainty... and mostly fear.

"A lot of things can happen in a year..." one nay sayer told us.

"You're putting your relationship at risk..." another said.

"Money isn't everything..... " came one more answer.
"Men shouldn't be trusted......" that was the worst.

Were they right? Is what's about to happen really that big a deal? Am I doing the right thing? Am I risking unnecessarily? What if something DOES happen in this one year? A part of me is fearful of what they say... because in some ways, maybe it's true. Maybe men CAN'T be trusted. And me being a man myself...... like I said, I wouldn't trust myself. If temptation came, if opportunity arise..... could I resist? will I resist? I shrug the thought aside... knowing fully well what the answer was.

Another part of me stares at these nay sayers in defiance. I believe in the foundation of what we've been building all these years. It'll take more than a year of being physically apart to tear down what we've been building for seven years. At least, that's what I've been telling people. I've been dragged down that road before.. that road of temptation.. and I've emerged from it.. victorious... many a times. I knew I could resist it, so long as the will to resist was there...

But even the strongest of hearts falter sometimes. And I did. I faltered. The one and only time I even did falter. And it was........... in her absence.

I reached out, and switched off the radio. I reached out for for her hand, and she grabbed mine gently. Our hands clasping in that familiar way.. and I held it, not wanting to let go. I remembered when we used to drive my first car, it was a manual car. I had to let go of her hand everytime I had to change gears. She would smack my hand and ask me to pay attention to the road when I tried grabbing her hand or rubbing her thighs. She would feign protest, and threaten to tell everyone how cheeky a guy I really was, but she would always let me hold her hand. Now that I drove an auto transmission car, I never had to let her go of her hand at all.

A part of me now didn't want to let her go away. Maybe that was why I was holding her hand again, all of a sudden. Months and months of encouraging and supporting. Months and months of reassuring her and everyone else that it was ok, I found myself unsure about myself. I was sad... I was confused... but mostly... I was scared. Scared of myself......................

A red light blinks, and I bring the car to a halt. I let go of her hand, and brushed her thighs again. I turn to look at her.

"You know I'll miss you right..................." I said.

There is a pause as she looks at me in the eye, as if she could tell that despite all looks an appearances, there was more in between the lines in that sentence. She knew I was never the type to start getting emotional so easily. I think it was the pauses and silence in between that she was reading. In some ways, I'm sure she knew that for one emotion I was revealing, there were so many others I was hiding, just to put up a brave face to make her departure easier. 

I looked back into her eyes. And I knew that it only took one word from me. One utterance from me, and she'd cancel the whole damn thing and stay, because I asked her to. She had told this to me, and I knew it was true. But she also knew.......... that I would never do that. I have loved, encouraged, supported, argued, debated, fussed and fought with her... But she knew I'd never order her. I knew that she freely gave me a big say in a lot of the things she did. I knew she'd listen to what I say. But  I loved her too much to try to take away her individuality.

"I'll miss you too... " she replied.

I look to the front as the light turns green and the cars start moving again. The silence continues as I gently stroked the back of her palm.

"You don't like that la......... Make me feel so....... " as she pulls her hands to her chest and rest them on her heart.

I got the message. There was a reason I avoid getting overly emotional with her in critical times. I don't think she could handle the sight of me completely breaking down emotionally. It has always been her the emotional one, I the level headed one. She the over reacting one, me the voice of reason. I knew I had to be the stronger one emotionally. I knew even if it was just a front.... I had to be the braver one, for her sake.

I look at her and smile... "No la.. just saying only.... " in a considerably more lighthearted tone.. "after all, who am I going to ham sap with while you're gone? Unless you don't mind la, I go look for my mistress.... "

"Hmmphh!!!" she says as she crosses her arms..

"Don't you know? She's only the second prettiest girl after you..." I reply. 

"And who would that be?".....

"Andrea Fonseka...." I said.

"You aarrrr.... So yam! So ham sap.. forever with your Andrea Fonseka... Go marry her la u..." she starts ranting away, fully aware of my open adoration for the former beauty queen, one of the very few celebrities I actually like.

"Not marry la.. Mistress only. " I shoot back.

"People don't want you also la.... " she says back.

There will be plenty of time to think of those things again... but right now, I had to enjoy moments I was living right now. I smile a big cheeky smile at her again... and she pulls my ear in jest, and she forgets all about the vulnerable moment we had earlier. I turn up the radio again and speed down the road.... burying those thoughts for a while longer.

The Lady in Red...

The doors open, and I breath out a heavy sigh..

"Damn, I guess this comes with being in a big city" I think to myself. I've never had much tolerance for crowds. I detest crowds. I try avoiding them like they were a disease. Earlier, I had order my lunch to go and sat in the park and ate by the grass, rather than sit in the stuffy, overcrowded Kopitiam. It was nice.. The grass was clean, the weather was cool. I was wondering why I seemed like the only one doing this; eating in the lawn, by the grass.

But there was no avoiding this; the MRT. My fastest and surest way home. I stepped in, and try finding myself a spot to stand, and pretend I'm not aware of the hundred other people around me. Most have their ears connected to their mp3 players. I supposed I'd do the same to if I were doing this all the time. I had a book in my hand. The Five People You Meet In Heaven by Mitch Albom.

I was adamant in ignoring every one and get on with my reading. Deeply engrossed in my reading, I didn't bother looking if the person next to me was hot babe or a Bangladeshi. But then I spotted her, from the corner of my eye..... the lady in red, just 2 feet away.

I've never been the type to ogle at women much. Like I said before, some messed up thing in my brain keeps telling me to not stare too much at them BECAUSE they are pretty. Something like my internal little Mahatma Gandhi passive resistance movement. Only, I wasn't fighting the British, I was fighting against giving them the satisfaction of yet another guy lustfully gazing at them. But this girl, made me boot Gandhi out for a while, if you follow me. I quickly did a second take... Damn, she's pretty. Not to mention oh-so-stylish. Long straight hair, with streaks of blood red highlight. Wearing dark brown shades but behind the glasses, I could see perfectly shaped eye brows, not too thick, not too thin. A tube top with floral patters sewn in and her jeans a dark navy blue, with red linings on the pocket. High heeled shoes with red, matching again the red toenails and fingernails.

"Red..."I thought to myself, " the colour of boldness......the colour of seduction.... " Maybe with men, red is just another colour, but not to women. It means SOMETHING when a woman wears red. It's a signal. Feisty, sexy, bold, confident, daring, wild.... this woman in red stirred my imagination.

"I wonder how she's like in bed? A real tigress I bet. Damn, I wonder if underneath....." I cut myself short. Naughty naughty me.. get back to your book your horny little bugger. This ain't a place to start getting ideas.

More people come in and out of the train.. and we shuffle places. I'm holding on to a pole... and as luck would have it, she ended up standing right next to me, holding the same pole. I ignore her, just reading my book. Of course, I wasn't REALLY ignoring her. The trains were getting really jammed, and I could see she was being pushed.

Pushed to the point that we had to squeeze... and our arms started rubbing each other. Her skin was so soft to the touch! I could smell the perfume this close. Damn it.. the scent of a woman always gets to me. It's one of those things I'm incapable of resisting. Of course, I was still face down, putting on my stupid show of supposed reading.

The train moved station to station.. and eventually got a bit emptier. Usually, in the availability of space, people spread out and take up more space for themselves. But she didn't. She continued standing there, brushing skin with me. Hell, if she wasn't moving, I sure wasn't going to too! Hahaha... Or maybe I was reading too much into the whole freaking thing. I had been away almost the entire week... and by this time, I was actually feeling rather horny. I keep trying prevent myself from remembering that I seriously need to get laid.

Her station was next, and as the doors open... she flicked her hair, and made her way out of the train. I caught one last scent of her perfume and watched as she swayed her hips and walked confidently and sexily out of sight.

"What a masterpiece..... the lady in red.." I muttered under my breath.

I put my book away and started to think to myself. Hot sexy women squeezing in with you on daily basis, maybe living in a crowded city like this does have its perks after all.

Balls, Chimps & Fuck buddies....

One wife just ain't enough

Don't ask me why our local newspapers seem to be constantly reporting weird sex-related stories from our southern neighbour Singapore. This being the most recent one, about a taxi driver marrying 3 different women, one local Singaporean, one mainland Chinese and the last one Filipina. He's line of defense? He loved all three of them! Public outcry and hoo-haa because we're supposed to be a monogamous society.

Thank got me thinking. Are we monogamous or polygamous, or bigamous..whateverelse-gamous lot? I couldn't gather a bunch of guys fast enough to answer this question, so I started looking at our closes relatives, the monkeys and other primates instead. I mean, minus the fur and the tail, most men tend to behave like monkeys anyway

I found out that some primates, such as Gorillas are polygamous... meaning the alpha male basically screws all the female he can conquer while the rest of the lower ranking minions are left to jack themselves (or each other) off. The alpha male is the biggest, strongest, bad ass there is in the group, and as such, all the female monkeys with all their sophistication and high standards, will only be willing to be screwed by this baddy

Other species such as Chimpanzees are more promiscuous in their mating system. The males screw any and all females. and the females screw any and all the males they want. I believe you call that polyandrous. Cool eh? The only problem chimps will have is that they have to constantly be mating in order to keep their bloodline. But that's like having too much money to spend. Its a problem, but it's a GOOD problem. Anyone who complains of such things needs to get their ass kicked. I finally understand why scientist have been saying all these years that chimps are the most intelligent mammals next to us. They aren't just clever, they're freaking geniuses! Chimps... the original swingers. 

Here's where it gets interesting. Researches have found out, that the answer to my question, lies..... IN THE BALLS... literally. Your balls guys, start cupping them. See in polygamous species such as gorillas, have small balls. Because the way it works is, since the alpha male has defeated all other males and now owns all the females, his sperm isn't in contest. He can screw them as and when he likes, at his leisure. Thus, his balls aren't well developed. Polyandrous species such as chimps on the other hand, have huge balls, because they don't fight each other over the women. Everyone screws everyone else. The battle is a statistical one; the more often you screw, the higher the chance you are the dad of half the next generation of chimps, thus the need for huge balls, to produce more sperm. I guess it ain't easy being a chimp either. But doesn't that sound so much more developed (not to mention fun) than say, just physically bashing up other males and taking the women?

So you see, the conclusion is, Gorillas are stronger and mightier, but damn crude la. Chimps are more sophisticated, and have the bigger balls... Don't you just love biology?  (I wonder why they never taught this to us in biology back in school. LOL..... )

So back to us Homo Sapiens...

Unfortunately ladies, I can't tell you if the men in this region have big balls or small balls, because quite frankly, I haven't seen that many sets of balls, beyond the kind that's MEANT to be kicked and dribbled with. If you have kicked and dribbled any other kinds of balls, kindly refrain from doing so in the future.... we too would like to have kids some day. The only balls I'm intimately familiar with are my own, but its size is a secret YOU'll never know! ;-)

But it seems from comparison, humans have 'medium' sized balls. To quote a line from the article:

Humans, which have a socially monogamous mating system, accompanied by moderate amounts of sexual non-monogamy, have moderately sized testes

So in layman terms, we are in between the gorillas and the chimps. That means, part of us will always ever be fighting for position to be alpha male, jostling and shoving other men aside to 'own' as many women as we can. Winner takes all. Losers are left high and dry. The other part of us are just like the chimps. I screw your wife, you screw mine. We all get drunk Saturday night and do a sex orgy, everyone's happy, everyone's satisfied. May the man with the biggest balls be called dad. I'm suddenly more fond of chimpanzees than I have ever been.

Here's the article I was reading.

To tell you the truth, I'm more inclined to think we are more like chimpanzees, or at least I am. Sexually, I mean. (No, I'm not trying to hint at the size of my balls). Our society advocates social monogamy, and along with it, sexual monogamy. Social monogamy means that you make living arrangements, spend your money and live your day to day life with one partner. Sexual monogamy means that you only have sex with one partner at any one given time. But only 3~5% of mammals are sexually monogamous! And I tell you, those intelligent chimps aren't part of that 5%!

In a way, it explains why despite being perfectly happy in a relationship with a good sex life, my eyes still stray, and my mind lingers upon other women or why I am still having this obsession of having a fuck buddy. Turns out it's because I'm a freaking warm blooded mammal, with medium sized balls! Social monogamy aside, sexual monogamy is something perhaps we are all in-built to struggle with. Maybe that's why both women and men have lusty desires or sexual thoughts of other people other than their partner. At the most primal level, our animal instinct still calls out to us. An instinct that does not acknowledge social boundaries, accepted norms or predetermined practices of society. An instinct that only seeks to answer one call; the call to mate. I'm suddenly starting to love biology again.

I'm not trying to justify wanting to screw around. Wait, what am I talking about? I AM trying to justify screwing around!! Haha.... 

So unless you are a cold blooded reptile of a man, with really really tiny balls, don't tell me I'm wrong in looking for a fuck buddy!

Cheers.

Hello Mrs Jones again

Well, I've changed my blog song again.. back to the old one. Lyrics are more befitting this blog anyway.. gosh, it's almost like my theme song for this blog.. Haha...

Tell me if it's starting to hurt you ears...

Seeing Singapore...through my squinty eyes

The thing I've always liked about traveling to a new place is that you see the same things as the locals do, but with fresh eyes. The very same things the people of the land find normal, you find unique. Whenever I get the chance to be in a foreign land, be in another country or another state, I enjoy picking up bits and pieces of what makes that place different. Here's are some small little observations I've made of Singapore... just as I travel around the city:

#1 There's a Merc, BMW or Lexus in every corner

Unlike in other cities where the luxury vehicles are mainly seen in the city centre, Sg seems to have these evenly peppered around the island, unless I keep seeing the same car over and over again! On one hand, I think it's a testimony to the wealth of the country and it's people. On the other, I think it's almost like a mandatory thing for them to have so not to loose face to their neighbours... you know la... the old (dare I say it?).... kiasu behaviour.

#2 Not an inch of free parking space!! WTF?!

I usually drive into Sg... and to my great surprise & amusement.. there is HARDLY A SPOT you can park your car without having to pay. You either pay by cash card or old school style via coupons. Oh, and here, everyone reverse parks.. except those freaking Malaysia car drivers who never obey the laws of the land. :p Back home, you pretty much park your car anywhere you want as long as you're sure you won't get scratched or summoned. By the road, over the curb, in between houses, anything goes. Here, every square inch of parking space is chargeable, and I constantly have to hunt for a 7-Eleven just to make sure I have enough coupons or my Autopass/Cashcard has enough money. Which leads me to my next point.

#3 7-Eleven's in every corner!!

I'm used to having a 7-Eleven nearby in KL. It's what one those things I'm so used to having living in cities. Whenever I go to a slightly more rural town, I'm half amused, half horrified when I find out there isn't a 24hour convenient store around. Not that I frequently feel the need to buy things at 2am's, but just in case la..... 7-Eleven's don't just sell condoms, they are LIKE condoms... Better to have them and not need them, than to need them and not have them. Haha... Anyway, Singapore is FILLED with condoms.. I mean... 7-Elevens.... Every nook and cranny, every corner. It's not a bad thing actually...it's just that I was starting to wonder "Do you really NEED so many?" Is carrying 10 condoms with you going to make any safer than carrying say 1?

#4 Buildings & Infrastructure look good

Most buildings in Singapore look reasonably good and well maintained. You get the sense that it's a well oiled, well run place. The schools especially catch my eyes. Fields are nice and green, buildings look modern. Unlike the kind I used to attend n Malaysia... fields are muddy and dirty.. and all schools looked alike; horrid longish rectangular buildings with triangular roofs. It's like they got some chinaman contractor to do one and decide to replicate that nationwide! At least here, each school looks different.

#5 Trees, trees & more trees

One of the most unexpected thing I notice the first time entering Singapore (via second link) was the trees. They really really make it a point to plant as many trees as possible, especially in the residential areas. But I have been told this isn't so much about Singapore trying to be environmental friendly but more of trying to make this tiny island city less daunting to live in. You don't squeeze in almost 5 million people into 660 sq km of space without first thinking of living arrangements. I was told they plant so many trees so that it becomes less obvious that behind that thick bush there is another road, or another tall condominium, or another HDB flat. The trees also soften the cold hard concrete walls of the buildings, give cool shade and take away that feeling like you're living in a concrete jungle. Not bad la these people.....

#6 Women; Urban, well dressed & howt!

On average, I gotta say, Singaporean women are quite a delicious and desirable bunch, that is, if you dig the well dressed, smart, sophisticated working lady. Black seems to be very much the in thing for the working ladies (unlike in shanghai where I observed they preferred a bit floral). Some are more casual, others more chic, some elegant. But in general, most of the women I see look rather presentable.... and sexy. I don't know why, but every I spot a well dressed lady wearing short little skirt, I kept wondering if she was wearing a thong underneath, or anything at all for the matter.. Tsk.. tsk...tsk.... dirty little me.

#7 Cramped shopping malls, eateries, streets, everything!

5 million people. 660sq km of space. Need I say more? I tried having fast food for dinner. It wasn't fast. I had to join a loOOong queue! You queue to take a taxi, you queue to buy dinner, you queue to withdraw money. There's a freaking queue everywhere! Why can't we just jostle and shove each other like normal people? I thought this was a free market! Survival of the fittest? ;P The only place you don't have to queue to get something is probably Geylang.. and it ain't for the food baby... Jokes aside, I do tend to feel a bit claustrophobic of sorts when in Sg. Everywhere you go there's tonnes of people. The need for physical space is often overlooked, but it's something I'm always aware of. I was sitting in Mc'Ds and the tables were so cramped! More cramped than any other Mc'Ds I've tried in other countries. I could hear every word the auntie next to me was saying. Heck, I could even smell her............ fries. My hats off to all you Singaporean sex bloggers who have actually succeeded having sex in a public place. Considering the level of difficulty, you deserve it. I would've gotten caught long before my pale white ass got any sunlight.

#8 Everything looks same same

After a while of driving around and seeing the place, I started to get this feeling of deja vu all the time. Didn't I just pass by this 7-Eleven? Isn't that the same black Merc there again? Is this the same foodcourt? Is this the same school with the nice looking field? These trees look strangely familiar. Get the point? Everything seems to follow some earlier decided format of how things should look. Everyone drives shiny and clean cars. The condos and HDB flats look so alike there's no way of telling. Unlike other places where downtown is rather scruffy looking and dirty, every inch of Singapore seems pruned to the point of being........ sterile. Not that that's necessarily bad la...

#9 Sex blogs and the gutterpost

OK, this isn't exactly Singapore per se.. but virtual Singapore. The thing that has really caught my attention is the sheer amount of sex blogs Singapore has managed to produce. Maybe it just comes with being urbanized and connected to the world. I mean there really is A LOT of people out there more than happy to type of the intimate details of their sex lives.. some mundane, others bordering on insane. Does it have anything to do with living in a highly dense, highly internationalized, but highly conservative society? Has this produced all this virtual voyeurs who are looking a safe way to express their sexuality?

How many of you visit the gutter post? www.gutteruncensored.com. It's this cool little website that compiles all the latest juicy sex related scandals, videos, pictures etc etc on one site. You ain't a porn star (amateur or likewise) until you've been put there. Everything from great Gary Ng to Edison Chen, to that Philippine doctor and countless leak photographs and videos of people having sex has been featured there. Unfortunately, it's been completely blocked in Malaysia. The author explains here in this other website (unless this is blocked too). See, the blog author won't stop posting controversies of certain Malaysian political big wigs and their sons with their pants down and their hands up other women's asses, and so, these powerful ministers just block their whole damn website from everyone in Malaysia. Fucking idiot. What are we now, like China blocking the Internet? Anyway, so only when I'm in Singapore do I get to catch up with the latest gutter post where it is thankfully NOT banned, unless maybe your PM is caught with HIS pants down. But so far so good. So, thank the stars for Singapore!

#10 Invasion of Indians

If you ever work in Jurong Island, you'll see almost 100% of laborers are Indian nationals, more than half of the engineers are Indian nationals. In Geylang, one of the Lorongs are dedicated to Indian prostitutes (don't ask me how I know, I just do). Meaty, Fat, Old, but cheap and they even smell of coconut oil (which I suppose is a turn on for them Indians?) Dedicated to these hard working labourers who travel thousands of miles away from home to build Singapore, these labourers will screw these Indian prostitutes like it was a matter of national pride, and to keep the money in Indian hands. They'd never be caught with their pants down screwing *gasp* a Pakistani or Bangladeshi. :-s If you go to Serangoon Road on a Sunday, you'll see thousands of Indian labourers hanging about, walking the streets, sitting on the fields, and most bizarrely, HOLDING HANDS (Why the hell do they do that anyway?). They form little group outings, to walk the streets and catch up with each other. I was told they are tightly knit, and whenever there is a new addition to the workforce, he is taken out and is introduced and initiated into the group. Inevitable questions will be such as which village the chap is from, and how far it is from theirs, what their father and mother do and how many brothers and sisters they have. Cute.

I'm not being racist. It's just that it looks like formerly predominately Chinese Singapore with its signature la's and meh's is starting to have some curry and masala in the mix. Better start get used to have curry mee instead of your pork noodles!

Anyway, its just my 2 cents worth as a frequent visitor to this country. I think maybe the Singaporean flag should have a cili padi as its symbol. It's small, but it packs a large punch.