Johnny boy oh Johnny boy.... Be Still
Johnny boy oh Johnny boy,
Why the long face? Why the heavy sigh?
Let it go my boy.... let it go. As surely as you hold on tightly to some things, other things you just got to learn how to let go.
Why go down that road my boy.. why? Don't go down roads you know you aren't supposed to be on. Roads that you know come to a dead end. Roads you know only you want to be on.
Why yearn my boy, why yearn? Don't yearn for things that aren't supposed to be. Don't yearn for things you aren't supposed to have. Is it not enough to be happy with what you have?
Don't resent my boy, don't resent. You are who you are. Accept it. You will never be what you lustfully wish to be. Some things you are, and some things you just aren't.
Think straight my boy, think straight. You've been entertaining too many crazy thoughts. Thoughts that should remain just that; thoughts and nothing else.
Stop it my boy, stop it. You can't have your cake and eat it. If you try to, you might just hurt not only yourself, but everyone else too. Then what?
Don't covet my boy, don't covet. Though some things you just long to have, long to touch, long to hold, sometimes, it's just not meant for you.
Johnny boy oh Johnny boy,
I know your heart better than anyone else. I do. Everyone knows you're a good man. But I know deep down you feel like THAT is your problem. You feel like you're just too darn nice to do things you aren't supposed to do, to say things you aren't supposed to say. to reach out and grab the things you want without caring. I know you hate this part of you as much as you are proud of it. And I know that you hate that you just can't stop it either. You are starting to hate being a good man, and that is sad. You feel trapped. Trapped between being the person you've been all this while; sensitive, thoughtful, respectful and acting on the things your heart so desires for.You envy those who don't know any better, you envy those who aren't the wiser, because later when they do grow wiser, they can turn back and just say "I was a fool then, I'm wiser now." And all wrong deeds are forgiven and forgotten and they are praised for learning so well from life's lessons.
You could. You could really throw all the cards in the air, fling morality, reason and everything else out the window and go for broke. Gamble. Risk. Do the very thing you are so terrified of doing. Live your life with abandonment. And taste the glorious fruits of your lustful actions. Or feel the pain of crashing and burning in your own foolishness. You may decide you want to be a fool for once in your life. But even if you do, it still takes two to tango my boy. Do you drag others down that same road of foolishness with you? Who's the real fool; the one that doesn't know any better or the one that does but acts the fool anyway?
I know my boy, I know. I know you feel it's something special. I know your heart is not moved easily, and now that it has, your world feels upside down. I know you look deeply into those eyes and long for something more to be there. A light. A spark. A way. But there is no way. There is no spark. And the light you see is an illusion of your mind. You are hoping for something that isn't there. You are looking for a road that does not exist. The lights are dim, the music is in the air, but it's just you standing there alone on the dance floor. She will not tango with you boy, stop kidding yourself. You set yourself up for disappointment
You're a tormented soul. But you are the tormentor of your own heart.
You're a big boy.... you should be able to take care of yourself.
Hold on tight. Weather this raging storm your feelings are pouring down on you.
Seek peace.
Seek solace.
Be still my soul. Be still.
3 comments:
"You could. You could really throw all the cards in the air, fling morality, reason and everything else out the window and go for broke. Gamble. Risk. Live your life with abandonment. You may decide you want to be a fool for once in your life. But even if you do, it still takes two to tango my boy. Do you drag others down that same road of foolishness with you? Who's the real fool; the one that doesn't know any better or the one that does but acts the fool anyway?"
I don't know exactly what prompted this post, but I think I have a pretty good idea (correct me if I'm wrong). I know what it's like to see and hope for something that's not really there. And you're right. It our own selves that we set up for disappointment when we do that.
I don't think I could ever be 100% sure that the person I am with is the person I want to be with the rest of my life; I don't think I could ever say I've found the One and there is no need to look elsewhere anymore. I'll always wonder. I'll always lust. I'll always be tempted to find out if the grass really is greener on the other side. But you're also right that it is a choice of whether to act on such thoughts or not.
I've had my share of fun. I've 'tested the waters' and 'explored greener pastures' more than a lot of people have. More than I should have. And I could continue to do the same thing, continue to pretend circumstances don't exist, continue to ignore implications and consequences, continue to pursue my own illusion of happiness. I'd been doing it for so long. Chasing temporary satisfaction, only to crash and burn. But I'm a survivor. I picked myself up again and again... only to deliberately do the same thing again.
It was the last person with whom I had the illusion of something that didn't exist who changed everything for me. I was crazy about him. And I convinced myself we had something special - that I was never going to feel this way or have such a golden opportunity with anyone else. He told me something that woke me up: 'I'd rather live with a reality that hurts than a fairytale that soothes.' He acknowledged that what we shared was something special, but it would never be anything both of us hoped and dreamed for because of the circumstances - because we would be fooling ourselves if we thought otherwise. He was the first, last, and only person to tell me (not in the exact words but to sum it all up): I care about you and I want you but for your own good and mine I'm choosing to end this because it won't help either of us.
And that changed EVERYTHING for me. It's not that I stopped lusting after other guys. Not that I stopped meeting other guys I felt some kind of 'connection' with. Not that I stopped wondering sometimes if I made the right decision to stay with my current partner. But I no longer chose to ACT on those feelings.
Because I asked myself, like you did: "Who's the real fool; the one that doesn't know any better or the one that does but acts the fool anyway?"
Because I realized I don't want to live the rest of my life fooling myself. I don't want to blind myself to the reality that everything worth having in life is worth working hard for, and the things that come easy are just not worth it.
Just is just my two cents... hope this adds a difference perspective to your thoughts =)
Yes, I think you have the right idea, and even if it's not.. it's probably not too far from the truth.
You've made your point very well. There is that very defined line between the things we think in our heads, and the things we do in our life. I believe people are defined more so by their actions than anything else. It's a constant struggle because our actions are usually based on how we perceive reality. And our realities are so often governed by our thoughts. what governs our thoughts? Our desire. A person can have more than one desire in his/her heart. Ultimately, we base everything else on the desire that is the strongest to us. It could be gratification of the flesh or fulfilling more abstract things such our principles in life.
I wrote this because I needed to confront myself. I'd be lying if I said I have now resolved all the conflicts I have in my heart just because I've had the clarity of mind to say the things I did in this post. Man is first and foremost an emotional being. We are driven not by logic and reason, but by emotion. But still, I needed to allow the side of me that can still think and reason to have it's say. I feel like only in allowing myself to go through the full range of thoughts and emotions can I come to know what I really want.. what my heart's desire is.
If Man only ever did what He knew was right..... there'd be no fools in this world. And yet there are fools aplenty.
I love how you put it: "A person can have more than one desire in his/her heart. Ultimately, we base everything else on the desire that is the strongest to us."
"I feel like only in allowing myself to go through the full range of thoughts and emotions can I come to know what I really want.. what my heart's desire is."
I couldn't agree more. Like you, I'm also struggling with deciding what my heart wants. My heart has played its tricks on me before. I thought I knew what I wanted but it turned out that was not what I wanted at all.
Like you, I'd be lying if I said I had it all figured out. I'm still trying to figure it out. Like you, I feel it is only right to allow myself to go through this full range of emotions and thoughts to really know what my heart's true desire(s) is/are.
But allowing myself to go through this range of emotion is one thing; completely shutting off reason for the sake of instant emotional/physical gratification is another. I've made the mistake of the latter before; I'm just more careful not to this time round.
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