Curb Your Horny-ism

You’d think that doing nothing would be easy enough, but it’s not.

How to stay put when your body is screaming for some loving? How to stay put when the tingles in your loins constantly remind you of the carnal pleasures it so badly wants? How to distract yourself when every time you close your eyes, she appears? Yes, her…. the one you’ve been having countless fantasies of…. the one you think of every time you sit there alone in your room, hundreds of miles away from home… the one you'd pounce on and ravage every other night, if only she'd let you...

Curbing horny thoughts are an immense challenge for a man sometimes. Masturbating helped a bit. But I found myself going back to those scenarios again and again, the ones played out in all those emails.. which just got me hornier. Eventually, I realized I had to stop, else even the cleaner lady downstairs my start looking sexy.

Being in this unique little country of Singapore didn’t help much either. For one, Singapore is filled with stylish looking, nice smelling, and eye pleasing women. Everywhere you go, you see beautiful, well groomed women walking about the central business district. And when you’re feeling horny (like I was), you basically start mentally undressing every hot chick you see. And secondly, there’s the rather well known fact that prostitution is legal in this country. You could technically drive yourself to a brothel and pay a woman to satisfying all your wonton desires, and still have not done anything wrong (in the legal sense anyway).

But it's not just Singapore. There is something about being away from home that somehow shifts your mental behavior. For some reason, I’m always horny when I'm here.. more so than I am back home. I think being in a fresh surrounding, no longer confined by the rules and constraints back home, makes you feel somehow less inhibited. You’re willing to try more things, you’re willing to keep more of an open mind. You don’t walk around thinking you already know what’s there and how things happen. The neighborhood becomes your playground again, its exciting again, and you want to play peek-a-boo with that cute little girl by the swing. Only, she looks stunning in that miniskirt, watching her puff her cigarette turns you on, and peek-a-boo here ends with an additional ‘b’. Peek-a-boob.

In the end I decided that the best way to curb said horniness, was by doing the most unsexy things I could think of… like doing my laundry, and shopping for cleaning detergents, mopping the floor, and of course, cleaning the toilet (all of which I will testify, make you feel terribly unsexy). I also decided that I will buy myself an enormous bag of potato chips as reward / compensation for my noble efforts of trying to stay sexually pure whist away. It seemed like a fair trade off. I should be allowed to be a fat, overweight but honest man, stuffing his mouth with potato chips, for not being the trim, fitter horny bastard, trying to stick his penis into assorted vaginas. It seemed like a good idea anyway…..until I finished the chips. After which, I just felt like a fat, overweight horny bastard who still wanted to stick his penis into assorted vaginas anyway.

So much for the effectiveness of comfort food.

Your emails are evil honey. I love them ;-)

Audio Seduction

I have a thing for female radio DJs.

I was just listening to the radio at night while driving around Singapore the other day, and I kid you not, I was completely turned on just by listening to the voice of the woman speaking. She had such deep, sultry voice.. but more than that, she spoke in a manner that was so cozy, warm and charming that you just wanna scream "Gosh, I love this woman!" For the record (if you really need to know), it was Yaz from Class 95 FM who does the night slot. Of course, she isn't the only one. There's also Nisha from Malaysia's Red FM which I listen to whenever I'm driving at night... equally charming voice and personality. Last but not least, there was Jojo Struys (who's actually Singaporean), who hosted for a brief period on Mix FM in Malaysia. Some people didn't like her and thought she wasn't quite suited for radio. To a certain extent, I had to agree, but there was something about her that charmed me to bits anyway, it was her laugh. She would just say stuff on the air and laugh to herself.... which would never cease to make me smile.

I love a woman who laughs. It's an attractive quality to me. I'd go as far as to say that it's more important for a woman (or person) to have a good sense of humour that it is for them to be good looking. I do admit that good looking people generally get all the attention, but I'd like to think that eventually, the charming ones get due recognition (for simply being more interest people!)

Anyway, I guess it's almost to be expected that all these womenfolk in radio have such attractive voices and charming personalities. They do make a living out of it after all. I'm pretty sure I'm not the only guy totally enchanted by their voices.

Here's the trouble... with voices like theirs, if you close your eyes and start to wonder how they look like, the image you inevitably picture is that of someone really attractive. It's natural for us to picture an attractive voice with an attractive face. Hunky men have deep voices. Sexy women have sultry voices. But reality is often a bit twisted. Just look at David Beckham. Good looking, great body, impeccable sense of style.... but with the voice of a school girl.

So when it comes to radio, just beware that they might be more suited for radio that we are think. Because in addition to the voice, they might also have a face fit for radio. :-P

Cheers

Poor Jack Neo - Women Not Enuf

I imagine he must be feeling just like one of his movie characters right now.

Is it just me, or is the world and the media only too eager to crucify public figures these days? It's like we're all hungry for blood. It's the whole Tiger Woods episode all over again. 

Personally, I'm reluctant to persecute the guy. The guy knows how to tell a story. He's movie Money Not Enough 2 single-handedly brought yours truly and half a dozen of his male friends close to tears. . His movies portray the true facets of living life in a competitive, consumer driver society like Singapore with all honesty. The characters he create are often less than perfect people. They don't pretend to be anything other than flawed human beings just trying to balance doing what's right and what they selfishly desire for themselves.

Isn't that a lot like you and me....and him?

Give him a break. He's Singapore's most successful film maker, not Singapore's biggest saint.

Let him lick his wounds and seek forgiveness from his wife. He's just human. And to er is human. But to forgive is divine. And I like to believe that there is a piece of the divine in all of us.

The 2nd Floor

Singapore never ceases to amuse me. It seems like there's something new to observe every time I'm there. There was once I was checking in late night into a budget hotel and the receptionist told me..


"Sorry... we don't have any rooms left, except on the second floor." he said to me.


"So? What's wrong with the second floor?" I answered, totally missing the point.

"Its........ a bit noisy." he said rather funnily.

It took a while before it sank it for me.

"Aaaaaah. Right. I see." I finally replied, finally understanding.

You see... the second floor is 'for fucking only'. All the men who pick up prostitues or GROs or whatever from the nearby bar or pub will come here. They charge about SGD15~20 for the room for about an hour. And since over the course of the night, quite a number of these 'couples' will be coming in and out, the second floor is kept for such a purpose. So everyone considers hotels like this to be fuck joints. But in truth, there are a lot of legitimate travelers looking for a place to stay... and the hotel tries to put them on the higher floors for their comfort.

Anyway, yes I did end up staying in the second floor. Yes, it was noisy. The sound insulation left a lot to be desired. It's like listening to porn instead of watching it. You hear them come into to the room. You hear the shower turn on when they wash up, you sometimes hear the rhythmic vibrations of the bed, then you hear the shower turn on again as they clean up, and you hear them walk out the door. 15 minutes later, you hear the whole thing repeat itself. I don't know how anyone's ever supposed to fall asleep with the full knowledge that there are people fucking, right there, right now just over this wall. It doesn't help one bit when you yourself have not got laid in quite some time. The only thing that helped was that I was too tired to feel horny.

Here's the fun part... after they are done, I could actually go up to my own door and see how they look like through the peep hole, which I did a few times, out of sheer curiosity and 'busybody-ness' (at least I'm honest k). Some were thin, some were fat, some were tall, some were short... and that's just the men I'm talking about. Hahaha....

But the novelty kind of wears out pretty quickly..... and by morning, with eye bags deeply set in due to the lack of quality sleep.....I swore never to sleep on the 2nd floor again.

The Lady in Red...

The doors open, and I breath out a heavy sigh..

"Damn, I guess this comes with being in a big city" I think to myself. I've never had much tolerance for crowds. I detest crowds. I try avoiding them like they were a disease. Earlier, I had order my lunch to go and sat in the park and ate by the grass, rather than sit in the stuffy, overcrowded Kopitiam. It was nice.. The grass was clean, the weather was cool. I was wondering why I seemed like the only one doing this; eating in the lawn, by the grass.

But there was no avoiding this; the MRT. My fastest and surest way home. I stepped in, and try finding myself a spot to stand, and pretend I'm not aware of the hundred other people around me. Most have their ears connected to their mp3 players. I supposed I'd do the same to if I were doing this all the time. I had a book in my hand. The Five People You Meet In Heaven by Mitch Albom.

I was adamant in ignoring every one and get on with my reading. Deeply engrossed in my reading, I didn't bother looking if the person next to me was hot babe or a Bangladeshi. But then I spotted her, from the corner of my eye..... the lady in red, just 2 feet away.

I've never been the type to ogle at women much. Like I said before, some messed up thing in my brain keeps telling me to not stare too much at them BECAUSE they are pretty. Something like my internal little Mahatma Gandhi passive resistance movement. Only, I wasn't fighting the British, I was fighting against giving them the satisfaction of yet another guy lustfully gazing at them. But this girl, made me boot Gandhi out for a while, if you follow me. I quickly did a second take... Damn, she's pretty. Not to mention oh-so-stylish. Long straight hair, with streaks of blood red highlight. Wearing dark brown shades but behind the glasses, I could see perfectly shaped eye brows, not too thick, not too thin. A tube top with floral patters sewn in and her jeans a dark navy blue, with red linings on the pocket. High heeled shoes with red, matching again the red toenails and fingernails.

"Red..."I thought to myself, " the colour of boldness......the colour of seduction.... " Maybe with men, red is just another colour, but not to women. It means SOMETHING when a woman wears red. It's a signal. Feisty, sexy, bold, confident, daring, wild.... this woman in red stirred my imagination.

"I wonder how she's like in bed? A real tigress I bet. Damn, I wonder if underneath....." I cut myself short. Naughty naughty me.. get back to your book your horny little bugger. This ain't a place to start getting ideas.

More people come in and out of the train.. and we shuffle places. I'm holding on to a pole... and as luck would have it, she ended up standing right next to me, holding the same pole. I ignore her, just reading my book. Of course, I wasn't REALLY ignoring her. The trains were getting really jammed, and I could see she was being pushed.

Pushed to the point that we had to squeeze... and our arms started rubbing each other. Her skin was so soft to the touch! I could smell the perfume this close. Damn it.. the scent of a woman always gets to me. It's one of those things I'm incapable of resisting. Of course, I was still face down, putting on my stupid show of supposed reading.

The train moved station to station.. and eventually got a bit emptier. Usually, in the availability of space, people spread out and take up more space for themselves. But she didn't. She continued standing there, brushing skin with me. Hell, if she wasn't moving, I sure wasn't going to too! Hahaha... Or maybe I was reading too much into the whole freaking thing. I had been away almost the entire week... and by this time, I was actually feeling rather horny. I keep trying prevent myself from remembering that I seriously need to get laid.

Her station was next, and as the doors open... she flicked her hair, and made her way out of the train. I caught one last scent of her perfume and watched as she swayed her hips and walked confidently and sexily out of sight.

"What a masterpiece..... the lady in red.." I muttered under my breath.

I put my book away and started to think to myself. Hot sexy women squeezing in with you on daily basis, maybe living in a crowded city like this does have its perks after all.

Seeing Singapore...through my squinty eyes

The thing I've always liked about traveling to a new place is that you see the same things as the locals do, but with fresh eyes. The very same things the people of the land find normal, you find unique. Whenever I get the chance to be in a foreign land, be in another country or another state, I enjoy picking up bits and pieces of what makes that place different. Here's are some small little observations I've made of Singapore... just as I travel around the city:

#1 There's a Merc, BMW or Lexus in every corner

Unlike in other cities where the luxury vehicles are mainly seen in the city centre, Sg seems to have these evenly peppered around the island, unless I keep seeing the same car over and over again! On one hand, I think it's a testimony to the wealth of the country and it's people. On the other, I think it's almost like a mandatory thing for them to have so not to loose face to their neighbours... you know la... the old (dare I say it?).... kiasu behaviour.

#2 Not an inch of free parking space!! WTF?!

I usually drive into Sg... and to my great surprise & amusement.. there is HARDLY A SPOT you can park your car without having to pay. You either pay by cash card or old school style via coupons. Oh, and here, everyone reverse parks.. except those freaking Malaysia car drivers who never obey the laws of the land. :p Back home, you pretty much park your car anywhere you want as long as you're sure you won't get scratched or summoned. By the road, over the curb, in between houses, anything goes. Here, every square inch of parking space is chargeable, and I constantly have to hunt for a 7-Eleven just to make sure I have enough coupons or my Autopass/Cashcard has enough money. Which leads me to my next point.

#3 7-Eleven's in every corner!!

I'm used to having a 7-Eleven nearby in KL. It's what one those things I'm so used to having living in cities. Whenever I go to a slightly more rural town, I'm half amused, half horrified when I find out there isn't a 24hour convenient store around. Not that I frequently feel the need to buy things at 2am's, but just in case la..... 7-Eleven's don't just sell condoms, they are LIKE condoms... Better to have them and not need them, than to need them and not have them. Haha... Anyway, Singapore is FILLED with condoms.. I mean... 7-Elevens.... Every nook and cranny, every corner. It's not a bad thing actually...it's just that I was starting to wonder "Do you really NEED so many?" Is carrying 10 condoms with you going to make any safer than carrying say 1?

#4 Buildings & Infrastructure look good

Most buildings in Singapore look reasonably good and well maintained. You get the sense that it's a well oiled, well run place. The schools especially catch my eyes. Fields are nice and green, buildings look modern. Unlike the kind I used to attend n Malaysia... fields are muddy and dirty.. and all schools looked alike; horrid longish rectangular buildings with triangular roofs. It's like they got some chinaman contractor to do one and decide to replicate that nationwide! At least here, each school looks different.

#5 Trees, trees & more trees

One of the most unexpected thing I notice the first time entering Singapore (via second link) was the trees. They really really make it a point to plant as many trees as possible, especially in the residential areas. But I have been told this isn't so much about Singapore trying to be environmental friendly but more of trying to make this tiny island city less daunting to live in. You don't squeeze in almost 5 million people into 660 sq km of space without first thinking of living arrangements. I was told they plant so many trees so that it becomes less obvious that behind that thick bush there is another road, or another tall condominium, or another HDB flat. The trees also soften the cold hard concrete walls of the buildings, give cool shade and take away that feeling like you're living in a concrete jungle. Not bad la these people.....

#6 Women; Urban, well dressed & howt!

On average, I gotta say, Singaporean women are quite a delicious and desirable bunch, that is, if you dig the well dressed, smart, sophisticated working lady. Black seems to be very much the in thing for the working ladies (unlike in shanghai where I observed they preferred a bit floral). Some are more casual, others more chic, some elegant. But in general, most of the women I see look rather presentable.... and sexy. I don't know why, but every I spot a well dressed lady wearing short little skirt, I kept wondering if she was wearing a thong underneath, or anything at all for the matter.. Tsk.. tsk...tsk.... dirty little me.

#7 Cramped shopping malls, eateries, streets, everything!

5 million people. 660sq km of space. Need I say more? I tried having fast food for dinner. It wasn't fast. I had to join a loOOong queue! You queue to take a taxi, you queue to buy dinner, you queue to withdraw money. There's a freaking queue everywhere! Why can't we just jostle and shove each other like normal people? I thought this was a free market! Survival of the fittest? ;P The only place you don't have to queue to get something is probably Geylang.. and it ain't for the food baby... Jokes aside, I do tend to feel a bit claustrophobic of sorts when in Sg. Everywhere you go there's tonnes of people. The need for physical space is often overlooked, but it's something I'm always aware of. I was sitting in Mc'Ds and the tables were so cramped! More cramped than any other Mc'Ds I've tried in other countries. I could hear every word the auntie next to me was saying. Heck, I could even smell her............ fries. My hats off to all you Singaporean sex bloggers who have actually succeeded having sex in a public place. Considering the level of difficulty, you deserve it. I would've gotten caught long before my pale white ass got any sunlight.

#8 Everything looks same same

After a while of driving around and seeing the place, I started to get this feeling of deja vu all the time. Didn't I just pass by this 7-Eleven? Isn't that the same black Merc there again? Is this the same foodcourt? Is this the same school with the nice looking field? These trees look strangely familiar. Get the point? Everything seems to follow some earlier decided format of how things should look. Everyone drives shiny and clean cars. The condos and HDB flats look so alike there's no way of telling. Unlike other places where downtown is rather scruffy looking and dirty, every inch of Singapore seems pruned to the point of being........ sterile. Not that that's necessarily bad la...

#9 Sex blogs and the gutterpost

OK, this isn't exactly Singapore per se.. but virtual Singapore. The thing that has really caught my attention is the sheer amount of sex blogs Singapore has managed to produce. Maybe it just comes with being urbanized and connected to the world. I mean there really is A LOT of people out there more than happy to type of the intimate details of their sex lives.. some mundane, others bordering on insane. Does it have anything to do with living in a highly dense, highly internationalized, but highly conservative society? Has this produced all this virtual voyeurs who are looking a safe way to express their sexuality?

How many of you visit the gutter post? www.gutteruncensored.com. It's this cool little website that compiles all the latest juicy sex related scandals, videos, pictures etc etc on one site. You ain't a porn star (amateur or likewise) until you've been put there. Everything from great Gary Ng to Edison Chen, to that Philippine doctor and countless leak photographs and videos of people having sex has been featured there. Unfortunately, it's been completely blocked in Malaysia. The author explains here in this other website (unless this is blocked too). See, the blog author won't stop posting controversies of certain Malaysian political big wigs and their sons with their pants down and their hands up other women's asses, and so, these powerful ministers just block their whole damn website from everyone in Malaysia. Fucking idiot. What are we now, like China blocking the Internet? Anyway, so only when I'm in Singapore do I get to catch up with the latest gutter post where it is thankfully NOT banned, unless maybe your PM is caught with HIS pants down. But so far so good. So, thank the stars for Singapore!

#10 Invasion of Indians

If you ever work in Jurong Island, you'll see almost 100% of laborers are Indian nationals, more than half of the engineers are Indian nationals. In Geylang, one of the Lorongs are dedicated to Indian prostitutes (don't ask me how I know, I just do). Meaty, Fat, Old, but cheap and they even smell of coconut oil (which I suppose is a turn on for them Indians?) Dedicated to these hard working labourers who travel thousands of miles away from home to build Singapore, these labourers will screw these Indian prostitutes like it was a matter of national pride, and to keep the money in Indian hands. They'd never be caught with their pants down screwing *gasp* a Pakistani or Bangladeshi. :-s If you go to Serangoon Road on a Sunday, you'll see thousands of Indian labourers hanging about, walking the streets, sitting on the fields, and most bizarrely, HOLDING HANDS (Why the hell do they do that anyway?). They form little group outings, to walk the streets and catch up with each other. I was told they are tightly knit, and whenever there is a new addition to the workforce, he is taken out and is introduced and initiated into the group. Inevitable questions will be such as which village the chap is from, and how far it is from theirs, what their father and mother do and how many brothers and sisters they have. Cute.

I'm not being racist. It's just that it looks like formerly predominately Chinese Singapore with its signature la's and meh's is starting to have some curry and masala in the mix. Better start get used to have curry mee instead of your pork noodles!

Anyway, its just my 2 cents worth as a frequent visitor to this country. I think maybe the Singaporean flag should have a cili padi as its symbol. It's small, but it packs a large punch.

Lets Move to Singapore!!

Quick one here...

Switching sex partners a hit with Singaporeans

I'm seriously thinking I should MOVE TO SINGAPORE...Seems to be where all the fun is Hahahaha...

I'll be there next week anyways.