The Myth of the Fuck Buddy II

A continuation of this post on fuck buddies.

“Hi, I’m 25 male. Looking for fuck buddy. Any girl out there wana fuck?”

I’ve been browsing and surfing assorted local blogs and forums lately. Sadly, it looks like that’s sharp as they get these days…the (young) men I mean.That's my conclusion after reading an actual post above.

On one hand, I’m positively embarrassed. No tact, no finesse, no sense of how to properly present yourself as someone more than just a walking hard-on. On the other hand, what’s not to like? Short and straight to the point -doesn’t waste your time, doesn’t make any pretences. Ten over ten for efficiency, but zero points for effectiveness.

And people that post these invitations for fuck buddies all of 3 things in common; they’re all men; they’re all young; and they all half expect some girl to just suddenly reply “Yes, I’d like to have a fuck buddy.” No one ever does of course, simply because that’s not how you’re supposed to go about doing such things.

But I’m a guy too, and I do empathise with my fellow dudes over their long standing desire to have a fun fuck with none of the usual commitments involved. So, in my attempt to help my fellow man, here’s my own self styled guide to getting a fuck buddy.

#1 Stop the Desperate Posts

Nothing turns women off more than being desperate. For men, a desperate woman might be a sign of easy sex. But it doesn’t work the other ways guys. If you come across as so desperate for sex, you come across as UNWANTED. And nobody wants what everyone else doesn’t want either. Geddit? So quit the desperate talk and try being a bit more suave.

#2 Engage And Connect

Guys, let me just save you a lot of time and say that the chances of you finding yourself a fuck buddy online is very very slim. You need to go out, engage and connect with people. Meet people, chat, go for drinks, dance, whatever. People are attracted to things they can see, touch and feel. Not some poorly written grammar or ugly shot of a cock on the computer screen. No woman in her sane mind would be your fuck buddy unless she’s gotten a good idea of what you’re all about in person. So stop photoshop-ing the picture of your cock and start working on your people skills!

#3 Be Good Company

If you’re just looking for a quick fuck, no questions asked, you’re better off looking for a prostitute. They come when you call, leave when you’re done, and don’t ask you for anything else (other than money). You get your fuck, she gets her money, we all go home happy. But if it’s a fuck buddy you want, you need to be reasonably good company. What makes for good company is subjective and varies from person to person but if you aren’t even good company out of bed, there’s little to suggest you’ll be any different in bed. Geddit? And NO, having a big cock will not be enough to compensate for your lack of personality.

#4 Be A Good Fuck

The basis of a fuck buddy is MUTUAL pleasure. So if you DO qualify to the next stage, the second thing you have be is a DAMN GOOD FUCK IN BED. Men being men, we all think we’re all pretty damn good already. Heck, I think I’m a pretty good fuck in bed too if only I’m given the chance to prove it. But alas, we’re not….. (or at last YOU’re not). I’m not here to teach you how to be a good fuck, but at minimum:

- Don’t be lazy with the giving. You want your blowjob, give her what she wants to.
- Intercourse should be minimum 10 minutes. Ideally 20 minutes.
- Sexual positions should vary 2~3 types. Don’t just hump like a drunkard camel.
- Vary your stroke, intensity, speed, angle etc. Variety is the spice of life remember.
- Lots of kissing, lots of caressing, lots of holding, lots of eye contact.

Sex is all about connection & sensation. Doesn’t matter if you call it love making or fucking… unless you’re making love to a mannequin - make a connection.

#5 Be The Fuck, Be the Buddy too

I actually don’t like the term Fuck Buddy much. A bit too wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am style. I prefer the term ‘friends with benefits’. Maybe I’m just old fashioned, but I do think that the ‘friends’ part should come before the ‘benefits’. As opposed having the ‘fuck’ before the ‘buddy’. Regardless of what you call him/her, she’s still a person. And that means they shouldn’t be treated purely like a booty call (unless you both actually prefer that). A normal meal or other non sex related activities are harmless but go a long way. In case you don’t already know, women don’t like to be taken for granted. As much as possible, be the fuck but also the buddy.

#6 Don’t fall in Love

Whatever you do, DON’T.l…because if you do, that’s the end of it. What you will have is no longer ‘friends with benefits’ but ‘relationship without the perks’. You will end up loving someone, but not being able to call them your own. Being physically attracted, genuinely caring and being in love are three very different things. The problem with sex is that it messes it all up in this pot of lust, love and infatuation.. You may think that as a guy, you clearly differentiate love from sex – which is true…. But when you’re laying there in each others arms post coital bliss smiling and snuggling, looking into her beautiful eyes and her sweet sweet smile, it’s only too easy to fall in love… or at least think you have. It’s playing with fire.. and play long enough, someone’s bound to get burnt. To say it gets complicated is an understatement. So be warned and make sure you know what you’re getting yourself into.


Having said all this, I’d just like to put a disclaimer – I have no idea if any of these will work for you in finding a fuck buddy. Very frankly, it’s a case of too many men wanting it and too little women considering it… and I can’t exactly say I’ve had much experience with fuck buddies either. You really are better of trying to get a proper girlfriend, treat her nice and enjoy the sex there. I say this as a guy horny enough to still dream of having friends with benefits, but also as a man realistic enough to know that some things will always remain a fantasy and nothing more.

… and yes, I’m still alive and kicking and wonder if anyone still follows this blog.


Cheers!

P/S:  Hi, I’m 25 male. Looking for fuck buddy. Any girl out there wana fuck? ;-P

Its About Passion

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When I first decided to start this blog, I placed this song permanently on my page, so that everyone who arrived here would hear it. It fit perfectly because this was the emotion I was basically trying to convey at the time.

It's a song about an affair between a man and a married woman; about forbidden passions; about lust; about PASSION..... even when you know its wrong.

That was why I put it there.

It wasn't just about sex.

It was about PASSION.

Sometimes I wonder if anyone gets thats...

The Myth of The Fuck Buddy

I'm starting to realize that gay men have this very uncanny ability to search each other out. For all the talk about gay men being the discreet minority... it seems awfully easy for a gay man to hook up with other gay men should he want to.

One gay friend of mine met his current partner online and he flew in all the way from the US just to be with him here in Malaysia. Of course we all know that the internet has been one of the most useful tools for gay men to look up discreetly... gay website, chatrooms etc. But that's not the only avenue. There are plenty of well known gay bars in KL, even in conservative Malaysia. Step into one of these, and you can be sure to find yourself a swamp of potential fuck buddies / partner.

Which gets me somewhat pissed off really.

Why is it that it's easier for discreet, minority, homosexual men to hook up than it is for majority, heterosexual men? You'd think that since there is such an overwhelming majority of horny, hetereosexual men and women around, it's be easier. But it's not. Not in this part of the world anyway.

Imagine a gay man. He's horny that night and is looking to hook up. He walks into a gay bar.There are dozens of other gay men around. The premise is simple; a bar where everyone has a common sexuality and a common interest in mind, sex. There's no two ways about it. They are all there because they like fucking other men. Since fucking each other is the common denominator here, steering a conversation from small talk to sex is unsurprising at all.

Now imagine a straight man. He's horny that night and is looking to hook up. He walks into a straight bar. There are dozens of women around. But things are far from simple. You don't know who's there with someone, who's alone, who's just having a night out with the girls, who's just there to dance and drink and who's looking to hook up. You are left to go with the flow and see what happens. You could go to a dodgier bar where there are women to pick up.. but they often turn out to just be prostitutes.

Maybe it's just me and my inexperience, but I think the idea of one night stands and fuck buddies have been over glamorized over in this part of the world. I suspect that most (if not all) women here are essentially one partner sexual beings. One night stands do happen maybe, but I'm starting to believe that the concept of a fuck buddy is in fact a myth over here. I don't think straight men and women hook up with each other to be fuck buddies as easily as gay men do. There are more avenues (virtual & physical) for gay men to hook up than there are for heterosexual men and women. - which is ironic considering it is gay men who are supposedly hiding in closets.

I know that the idea of a fuck buddy captures the imagination (and lust) of a lot of men and maybe a few women. The idea of wonton sexual pleasure with someone with no strings attached remains a very delicious proposition. Even for me, I find it hard to stop obsessing about it despite being very close to considering it as impossible. The lust overcomes and ever pushes you to deeper, darker places of secret pleasure in your mind.

For the most part, I'm suspect that the fuck buddy is a fantasy men have conjured up for himself. He believes that there are women out there who would see sex the way he does. But majority women aren't wired like that. Sex and emotional attachment come together. Sex is exclusive with the one she chooses. She'd go so far as to tease you with her blog, show you explicit photos of her body and write raunchy post about her sexual acts.... but she is still in essence, a one-man-one-woman person. She will not be your fuck buddy.

Either that, or I've been looking in all the wrong places.....

Cars, Closets & Cops

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Me & Mrs. Jones

I flipped the CD book page by page, looking for a specific CD. On the 3rd page, I find it. Michael Buble's Call Me Irresponsible album... but I wasn't interest the whole CD, just ONE song... I've always had the bad habit of being a song picker, and right now, I was in the mood for that old time favourite of mine...

Alone in my car, I put the CD in, select the track, recline my chair and close my eyes in anticipation... The smooth sounds of the guitar and piano come on...biting my lips, I can't help but break into a cheeky smile as the singer croons:

Me and Mrs Jones, we got a thing going on
We both know that it's wrong
But it's much too strong to let it go now

We meet ev'ry day at the same cafe
Six-thirty no one knows she'll be there
Holding hands, making all kinds of plans
While the jukebox plays our favorite song

We gotta be extra careful
That we don't build our hopes too high
Cause she's got her own obligations and so do I
Me, me and Mrs, Mrs Jones, Mrs Jones, Mrs Jones

Well, it's time for us to be leaving
And it hurts so much, it hurts so much inside
And now she'll go her way, I'll go mine
But tomorrow we'll meet at the same place, the same time
Me and Mrs Jones, Mrs Jones, Mrs Jones

Infidelity, secret meetings, forbidden passions; damn, I love this song for all the wrong reasons...

I smile because I enjoy the smooth sounds of the music, I smile because I find the lyrics evoking and teasing... I smile because I'm looking for my Mrs. Jones too. ;)



Me And Mrs Jones - Michael Buble
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