The Female Libido

Wow, exactly 5 months since my last post on this blog. Please forgive my absence. Honestly, I’m not feeling too bad about it actually, since the hiatus was rather deliberate. But today, I write.

Female libido – something that continues to perplexes me till today. But before I talk about female libido, let me talk about male libido.

Male libido is incredibly simple. Men are governed mainly by the testosterone in their body. The higher the testosterone, the greater the masculine features and behavioral traits, the higher the level of sexual desire. Men are also visual beings, easily turned on by the sexy curves of beautiful women. Their feelings of lust are well separated from their feelings of love. A man can want to fuck a woman even on first sight, simple because like all other men, he really is just a simple guy wanting to get laid all the time. It’s not exactly the most elegant way to behave, but it is the simple & predictable way men function.

If male libido was like third grade mathematics - simple easy to understand, then female libido is PhD level quantum mechanics – abstract and uncertain. Women have estrogen, progesterone and trace amounts of testosterone. They have menstrual cycles that affect their perception of what an attractive mate is from week to week. Their level of physical attraction to a man is intricately tied to how close they feel to the man emotionally, or so we think. Feelings of lust aren’t as clearly separated from love. Seldom does a woman ever want to fuck a man at first sight.

I’d really love to have a woman say casually say to me one day “Fuck, I’m feeling so horny. I need to get laid.” Contrary to what Sex and the City has thought us, women aren’t all that horny.

A female friend of mine told me once rather openly that she could live without sex for weeks on end. No problemo. My eyes nearly popped out. The only times she ever bothers having sex is when her boyfriend wants it. Then she just obliges. WTF.

Another female friend has been in a relationship 7 years and has still remained a virgin. WTF?! I know the boyfriend hasn’t been too thrilled about it. I admire his patience. But I wonder about my friend. Don’t you ever get horny? Don’t you ever feel the urge to.. you know… fuck? 

I’ve always had this theory that women who don’t get laid develop some sort of mental handicap. I’m pretty sure the stereotypical image of an old cranky, somewhat loony old spinster wasn’t formed without some truth in it. I believe the term is sexually frustrated. Women who keep their chastity at all cost do it at the cost of starving a very primal part of human desire, and that cannot be a good thing. Do a little dance, make a little love babe. It’s not that big a deal.

I’m starting to sound like a hippie.

I’ve known women who seem to have absolutely zero.. ZERO sex drive. Other women tell me they get horny in the middle of their menstrual cycle, assumingly when they are ovulating. One told me she feels horny when she’s having her period (Eww), and others say just before or after it.

But the biggest difference I guess between the sexes is this; men can’t or will not do much to control their libido. For men, it’s pretty much the case of constantly feeling horny and finding outlets for it, be it masturbation or sex. At his horniest, a man’s dick, though many times smaller than his brain, wields near absolute control over his body. For women, it seems (to me) a lot like a switch they can on and off. They can choose to let themselves let lose their sexuality (usually with their regular partner) or completely switch it off (usually when they are single and aren’t dating anyone at the moment).

Which bugs the hell out of me. Because it really does make all men seem like nothing but horny bastards. Not that we don’t admit being horny bastards. We are. We just want equally horny bitches to complete the circle.

Have a good week ahead folks. 

Audio Seduction

I have a thing for female radio DJs.

I was just listening to the radio at night while driving around Singapore the other day, and I kid you not, I was completely turned on just by listening to the voice of the woman speaking. She had such deep, sultry voice.. but more than that, she spoke in a manner that was so cozy, warm and charming that you just wanna scream "Gosh, I love this woman!" For the record (if you really need to know), it was Yaz from Class 95 FM who does the night slot. Of course, she isn't the only one. There's also Nisha from Malaysia's Red FM which I listen to whenever I'm driving at night... equally charming voice and personality. Last but not least, there was Jojo Struys (who's actually Singaporean), who hosted for a brief period on Mix FM in Malaysia. Some people didn't like her and thought she wasn't quite suited for radio. To a certain extent, I had to agree, but there was something about her that charmed me to bits anyway, it was her laugh. She would just say stuff on the air and laugh to herself.... which would never cease to make me smile.

I love a woman who laughs. It's an attractive quality to me. I'd go as far as to say that it's more important for a woman (or person) to have a good sense of humour that it is for them to be good looking. I do admit that good looking people generally get all the attention, but I'd like to think that eventually, the charming ones get due recognition (for simply being more interest people!)

Anyway, I guess it's almost to be expected that all these womenfolk in radio have such attractive voices and charming personalities. They do make a living out of it after all. I'm pretty sure I'm not the only guy totally enchanted by their voices.

Here's the trouble... with voices like theirs, if you close your eyes and start to wonder how they look like, the image you inevitably picture is that of someone really attractive. It's natural for us to picture an attractive voice with an attractive face. Hunky men have deep voices. Sexy women have sultry voices. But reality is often a bit twisted. Just look at David Beckham. Good looking, great body, impeccable sense of style.... but with the voice of a school girl.

So when it comes to radio, just beware that they might be more suited for radio that we are think. Because in addition to the voice, they might also have a face fit for radio. :-P

Cheers

Lust in the highest order

There’s this girl.

Every time I spot her passing by, I cannot take my eyes off her. I tell myself to look away..... but my eyes stay right on target. I’m consumed with lust at the sight of her. Slim legs… tight ass… and voluptuous breast that make my jaw drop.

I want her. I want to do things to her. I want to grab that ass and spank it silly. I want to kiss that lips and run my lips down her neckline to her breast. I want to plant my face in between her glorious bosom, tickle and suck those nipple and hear her pleasurable groans. I want to caress her back and bite her lips and grind my manhood against her body so she knows how hard she’s got me.

I want to lay her down and spread her wide and plunge my manhood deep…. deep into her pussy…… slowly….. surely…. forcefully….   kiss her…… passionately and deliberately….. I want to feel her body tingle as come into her… I want to see that look of total submission… that look that screams out… take me.. take me now… I’m all yours…

The best part is… she isn’t even trying to attract anyone. She’s just going about her workday, wearing that company uniform, tight jeans and sneakers. She can’t help it that even in those mundane work cloths I’m totally seduced by her. She can’t help it that her work cloths do nothing but accentuate her feminine curves. She can’t help it if I find her to be exactly the kind of real woman I find totally irresistible.

She’s caught me eyeing her a few times. I think she knows I’m looking at her. Maybe she knows I’m interested. Or maybe she thinks I’m a creep. Either way… if lady luck is on my side… I will get my chance to make a move.

Make no mistake about it ladies and gentlemen…. Its lust….. lust in the highest order

Mind. Blowing. Sex.

People like joking that if you appear to be particularly sunny some mornings, it's probably because you got some the night before. I find it hard to deny that. It's hard not to wake up humming 'My Girl' by the Temptations after just having mind blowing sex the night before.

But just getting some isn't quite the same as getting it good.

You can have a lot of sex, with many different people and don't feel quite satisfied. Quantity isn't the same as quality. It looks like the same applies for sex. How many people have you have sex with? How many of them were good? Probably just a handful? That handful are probably people with their good share of experience or is your regular partner right? In both cases, they know which buttons to push to make for mind blowing sex. On the other hand, if you haven't had ANY good sex ever, you're not have nearly enough sex yet, you're damn unlucky, or the problem is you.

Every time we think of sex with someone new, be it a fuck buddy, a casual fling, someone you picked up at the bar, or even a prostitute, our minds automatically think of some hot and dirty time in bed where you fuck each others brains out.

But the reality isn't always so exciting. There is such thing as crappy sex. And crappy sex happens you're fucking with someone who doesn't really want to fuck you back.

Alcohol is a great way to get people to lighten up and get people into the mood. But too much usually results in men not even being able to get a proper hard on. And when you're wasted, you aren't really thinking about sex... in fact, you aren't really thinking at all. So, if you want to avoid crappy sex... drink some, but not too much.

Money is another thing. Paying for a fuck is just about the surest way to guarantee crappy sex. When you pay a woman to have sex, it's you that's getting fucked - when the money left your wallet. And if and when she screams in pleasure, she's probably thinking about the new Gucci bag she can now afford to buy using your money. Once you're done, she's out the door faster than you can say 'herpes'. Pay the woman, and she'll fuck you - in more ways than one.

Of course, there are a lot of other reasons for crappy sex. Bad breathe and body odour comes to mind - though I'm lucky not to come across either so far. Freaky bed habits, like emitting weird noises or a stoned expression during intercourse are some. But the worst kind of sex is probably the kind well described to me once by someone when they said: "She drops her skirt, lies on the bed, spreads her legs and waits. It's like fucking a mannequin." In a nutshell, a lousy, non participative bedfellow. Damn.

But in my opinion, the biggest reason for crappy sex is - lack of experience. Size may or may not matter, but experience most certainly does. Ignoring everything else said above, sex with someone who knows what they're doing is always infinitely better than doing it with someone green. Contrary to what most guys think of themselves, we aren't born as sex gods and goddesses in bed. It takes a lot of learning and experimenting. I know a lot of guys highly rate banging young, inexperienced virgin women. Awkward pauses, lack of technique, teeth biting (ouch!) and the lacking of confidence - virgins are over rated. What the hell is wrong with you guys? Give me a real woman for goodness sake.

As for the men - we have our faults too. By default, men usually think they are real maestros in bed, hence they don't bother learning anything. In hindsight, I'll be the first to admit that I was a pretty crappy sex partner for a long long time - selfish, predictable & lazy. That's everything you don't want to be if you want show a lady a good time. I think the chief culprit here is porn - the sex tutorial video of most men. It makes us think that a good fuck is as simple as grab ass, suck nipples and bang hard.

But that's not quite it isn't it? You've got to learn which spots to touch; how much, how hard, how gentle. You've got to learn to read cues; what does she like, what turns her on, what doesn't she like? You've got to learn how to maneuver various positions; missionary with one leg up, two? Doggy standing, kneeling? Sideways? Legs together, apart? Subtle things often make big differences. And never, ever, ever underestimate the importance of kissing. Learn how to kiss passionately and her panties WILL be soaking wet by the time you take them off.

The thing I eventually realize was that our biggest sex organ is our brain (no, it's not your penis dude). The thing that gets ultimately stimulated is the brain. That's why it's called mind blowing sex. It brings new meaning to the term - fucking your brains out.

Anyway, take what I say with a pinch of salt. I'm not a love guru, and I don't have a long line of women knocking on my door waiting for a good fuck. Can't say I didn't wish it though.

I'm just a guy who knows crappy sex when he gets it..... that is when he gets any at all.

Cheers.

Laughing Your Panties Off

You know how some men are real charmers? They ooze with so much masculinity and sexual energy that women get wet in their panties just by looking (or talking) to them. Well, I'm not one of them. But I do love to hate them. I don't know how to charm women. I don't know how to get them wet in their panties.

Maybe if I had a British accent I could, but I grew up freaking KL. The only British line I know is "Yeah Baby!" by Austin Powers. I doubt that'd work.

But there is one thing I think I can do - make women laugh. Not in the goofy slapstick kind of way ala Jim Carey, but the drier more subtle kind of funny that will get you smiling and chuckling rather than bursting out loud. I don't mean to brag, but I've been told a few times by women that it's actually an appealing quality. Women like being with a man who can make them laugh. At least, that's what a few of them said. I know how to hold a good conversation (mainly by shutting up and letting the woman do all the talking), I know how to complement a woman sincerely and I am think I am reasonably witty. I'm pretty confident in saying that I am reasonably good company.

................................OK, you can puke now.


Unfortunately, it's not exactly the kind of gift that will land a lot of women in your bed. I read somewhere that researches found that an evening with a good dose of humour and laughter would more likely make a woman more receptive to sex. This implied that a woman would more likely be in the mood for some fucking after a good comedy OR after sharing a good laugh with their date. I'm starting to think the researchers made this up entirely. I've not managed to laugh the panties off any woman to date.

I seriously don't think women get wet in their panties hearing why the chicken crossed the road. 

I need to start watching some Hugh Grant movies......

Cheers

Fucking Good Gentleman

Someone once confided in me that there were only 2 things she really needed a man to be; a gentleman in the day, and a sex god at night.

"Think about it. I just want a guy who knows how to treat me well... and at night when you're all stressed and uptight, a guy who knows how to give you a good time. And what better time can you have than having damn good sex right?" she said.

"Damn it, how come there aren't more women like you out there?" I said.

So she was looking for a fucking good gentleman (or is that good fucking gentleman?). I was tempted to blurt out that I was a blardy good fuck myself if she wanted to have a go, but the gentleman part stopped me from doing it. I couldn't be sure that was me or the wine talking (this was our second bottle), and I couldn't be sure if I was really a good fuck at all. I haven't exactly passed out evaluation forms with the women I've been with if you know what I mean.

People say that sex is a physical thing. People looking for a quick fuck say it's purely physical - no emotions involved. But the fact is, you still have to be attracted to someone to even want to go bed with them. And attraction is a mental thing. When you're attracted to them, you desire them, and when you desire them, the sex part is always, always more intense and pleasurable. And the more pleasurable it is, the more likely you will be considered 'a good fuck' by said woman.


Even though we'd just drank 2 bottles of wine between the two of us, and we were both kinda tipsy, and all we were talking about was sex, I still couldn't know if I was desirable in any way to this woman. Even if I did somehow manage to seduce her to bed, there isn't any guarantee she'd find me any good. Plus, she was a FRIEND. Some lines can be flirted closely with, but never crossed. I guess somewhere inside, I knew with this friend at least, I couldn't bring myself to cross that line..... unless I knew she wanted to. Damn, I can be so evil.


"Well, here's a toast...... to you finding yourself a good man, and a good fuck for life. I'll be sure to keep a lookout for you" I raised my glass.


"I'll toast to that. Cheers." she said.


"Your only problem is - a true gentleman never kiss and tells. So if he's really a gentleman AND a good fuck, his ethics will mean that he never boast such things to you. So, that leaves only 1 sure way to finding your man" I said.

"And what's that?" she ask

"You've got to start bedding more gentleman." I said.

"OK. You know any?"

"As a matter of fact, yes I do."

"Who?"

ME!

Poison

She holds my hand, glances at me sideways and flashes me one of those disarming smiles of her. A smile I'm sure has worked it's way into the hearts of countless men before me.

She winks.

I grin.

"You're quite the charmer aren't you big boy?" she says in her slow seductive voice.

"Now, aren't you the temptress" I reply with a smile.

She leans forward slowly, half biting her lips, looking at me straight in the eye not once blinking, daring me to look downwards at her plunging neck line. 

I look straight into her eyes and hold her gaze. But not before my eyes betray me. For a split second, they work their way quickly down and up again. 

I just undressed her with my eyes. She smiles knowingly. She knows she's got me.

Slowly she comes near me, bringing her face closer and closer to mine. She comes close to my ear, letting her lips gently brush my ear lobes. A tingling sensation shoots straight from my ear, down my spine, all the way to my loins.

"You have no idea baby..." she whispers and gently nibbles my ear lobes before letting go.

I close my eyes and inhale her scent. I catch a hint of her perfume. It's the one by Christian Dior. So intoxicating you know it's trouble, yet you can't stay away from.

The name?

Poison.

Why Assholes Lead Happier Lives

I was just silently listening to the conversation over lunch, smiling politely, giving a comment here and there. There were 8 of us... 4 single, 4 married. And the man of the moment, was a married man... back home where he came from that is. Over here in this country, he was as good as a bachelor with his lease untied.

The topic of conversation was mainly 3 things; pre-nuptial agreements, marriages (and why you shouldn't do it) and lastly, sex. Of course there was sex. You can't have a table of 8 men sitting around and only be talking about the weather can you?

Actually, I didn't like this guy one bit. He was a client. But he was an asshole in every sense of it. Professionally, I hated every single inch of him and his guts. He made my work life a living nightmare sometimes... and I always got this feeling that since he's an expat, he just wanted to make a grand show on how hard he really is working, or why he's worth so much dough when a local engineer could do the same job he does at half the pay, and minus being an asshole. And personally... well, I didn't want to know anything about him personally. He could have 3 testicles and a prosthetic dick for all I cared. But since it IS work, and you HAVE to be nice to the client, I played along... or at least tried to. I actually lost my temper with him that morning when I thought he was trying to be a smart ass with some inspection we were doing.. and I told him off.... to the TOTAL SHOCK of my colleagues and suppliers... because well, I never loose my temper............with anybody. And if you do, you certainly don't do it with a client. People can get fired over that sort of shit. He was probably the last person I should have lost my temper with, but he was certainly the easiest one to..... out of sheer 'asshole-ness'. Basically I hated his guts la.. to get that out of the way.

Anyway, he was boasting about all the different places he has worked in in his career... and how in every place you go... you always need to find some 'honey' or else what are you working for if not for those pleasures. he proudly told us about his numerous girlfriends, and how he got married only because well... girlfriend number 4 got pregnant, and he couldn't escape. He told us about how he wanted to 'tapau' a girl last night but it was too expensive and not worth the money. He was in one of KL's most notorious, up class and expensive KTV a.k.a brothel there is to find. Here in KL, it doesn't get any classy or expensive than that. He said no matter how classy, how high class, it's still the same kind of hole.

We all laugh and joked, and asked questions.... after all, you're not supposed to take clients out for lunch and tell them their an asshole... no matter how true it was. And being all men there, I think everyone wanted to appear macho and appear like a cad, or at least, they didn't want to be a spoilt sport. But there were 2 conflicting emotions in me.

First of all.... everything this man said... every way he describe his exploits, from how he got married, how fat his wife is, to how he couldn't afford an expensive hooker, made me sick. Sick to the bone. It wasn't about whether any woman was present. There was just something about the way he talked about women as if they were some 'commodity' that pissed me off. I grit my teeth and put on a smile. There were no women sitting around... but it didn't matter. You don't talk about people like that. You don't talk about women like that. No matter if they were scientist, air stewardess, high class call girls or ghetto prostitutes, every woman has her worth... and deserves some respect, even if they seem to have lost their sense of respect for themselves. That woman is someones daughter, sister... and one day, someone's mother. Would you talk about your mother like that you asshole? There is this one scene in the movie My Fair Lady at the end when Audrey Hepburn says to Rex Harrison "The difference between a lady and a flower girl is not how she behaves, but how she is treated.".... and the guy is left stunned at the amazing insight this former flower-girl-turned-lady was now telling him. I never forgot that line. The point was that every woman deserves to be treated like a lady, regardless of who they are. And when I say treat them like a lady, it doesn't mean you have to talk all formal, bow and curtsy together or any of those things. It simply means.... treat them with respect for the simple reason that they are a woman. And being a woman is to already have worth and value intrinsically built in. For all his bravado and boasting, I just felt like lunging across the table and choking the life out of him and kicking his prosthetic balls.

I loathed the way he talked about women. I loathed the way he seemed to have no respect in talking about his wife, or the prostitute he never took home. But there was something else. I actually looked across the table, looked at the man, and asked myself "Why can't I be more like HIM??" Why? Why do I even bother to have this self imposed belief about respect for women and all this shit? Why do I have to care so much about people and their feeling? Why do I have to care so much about women and their feelings? Why can't I just have my fun, and screw around, and not care about whether or not this woman deserved to be treated this or that way? A prostitute's a prostitute. A one night stand is a one night stand. A fling is a fling. You don't need to start feeling guilty if you don't give a shit about how they feel do you? Why can't I be a little less of who I am today, and a bit more of a jerk or asshole, or whatever else you call these breed of men. I've been asking myself this question recently "Why the fuck do you have to care so much about people's feelings?" Why can't you just focus on yourself, focus on what you want, and go get it you dumbass. Why do you get caught in that web of caring for people... and wanting the best for them... and trying to be a positive influence in their life? I feel like such an idiot... because looking at this guy, as much of an asshole as I think he might be.. I knew he was having his fun, having the time of his life. It doesn't bother him in any way how these women feel, if he in fact even bothers to acknowledge that they have feelings. He wanted sex and conquest.. and he was getting it. He couldn't give a shit about everything else. If that made him an asshole.. so be it, at least he was a happy one.

A part of me envied this man. Not for how many women he has bedded in his lifetime. But for how little he seemed to care about anyone other than himself. I honestly envied that. To be blissfully ignorant. To not care. And as convoluted and dysfunctional as it sounds.... I wanted to be like him. Because being him seemed so much simpler... and possibly.. happier.

Sigh....

of menstruating & Horniness

Would you have sex with your partner if she was on her period?

This topic came up recently in one of my conversations with a friend. Apparently, some women are horniest when their on their periods.

Funny, cuz I always thought women tend to become extra bitchy (than normal) during these times due to the discomfort. Some women I know have cramps so bad they can't function the entire day. Other women seem to just breeze through it. Some women get PMS (which contrary to popular belief, is actually short for Prehistoric Monster Syndrome) while others don't seem any effects at all. And suddenly I'm told women are also horniest when during their period! Can you believe that?

I somehow think this isn't true for all women. (I'm pretty sure their isn't any statistics on this either). But I wouldn't dare challenge the authenticity of such statement especially when it is made by a woman herself.... simply because... well..... Firstly, hearing that a woman gets horny is always a kind of good news no man would willingly disprove. We want you to be horny. We really do. It makes us being absolute dickheads not such a bad thing.  And second, this sorta thingy fits nicely into a category I like to call 'the great mysteries of the universe; figuring women out'. Women are 'un-figure-out-able' (HAH, I'm pretty sure I've just invented a new word there). Thirdly, we don't really understand this whole period and PMS thingy. I once read a quote (can't remember who sorry) that said something to this effect "I can never fully understand something that bleeds 5 days in a month, every month.... and doesn't die." Whoever that brave man was, I'm pretty sure he slept on the couch that night (or was buried six feet under if the wife was on PMS)

But if I was a woman, and I was having stomach cramps, I'm bleeding out of my vagina, and I've got to wear this pad everywhere, soaking up my blood, I don't think I could be horny one bit. In fact, I'd probably want to make all the men around me who don't bleed every month suffer too. Make them bleed too. Muahahahaha...

Assuming this is true, that women do get hornier during their periods, and she's willing to get it on with you, there are still some hurdles to overcome. First there is the issue of blood and the mess it creates. A man will need to overcome the fact that she's bleeding. This is a case of mind over matter. You've got to be horny enough, not to care that you're about to stick your weener into a bleeding vagina filled with month old placenta and membranes being ejected from the body.

Then, there's the issue of creating a mess. If you're humping on the bed, it's bound to stain. A coloured / disposable towel will be needed at hand. Your freedom of movement is also limited, as you can't be withdrawing and performing half the positions of the kama sutra without dripping blood everywhere. At max, you're stuck with 1 or 2 selected positions. And when the deed is done, and the man withdraws, he'll have to overcome the inclination to faint upon seeing his weener smothered with blood. (and if you have a weak stomach for blood, this may be a problem). There can also be no more oral sex after penetration.

A fantastic idea was mooted by my friend to counter this. Do it in the shower. Brilliant. No mess, blood washes away, and there's no need to shower again after sex!

Another plus point on having sex on a woman's period (other than the fact that she's extra horny) is that there is zero chance of getting pregnant. There's no worry about accidentally conceiving, no counting down the days to your period, and the best part is, no condoms needed. You can do it raw (provided you trust she hasn't any STD's. Ain't that a good trade off?

So gathering the facts, I stand a better chance of getting laid if I can find myself a horny menstruating woman who needs a shower.

Here's the pickup line (doomed for failure)...

"Hey babe, you menstruating?" 

"What?" *slap* 


"Ouch, no.. I mean... you look like you might be feeling horny tonight you.. cuz you know, you are menstruating right?"  *wink*


"WTF?" *slap slap*


"No, no.. I mean that in a good way.. as in if you're horny, but menstruating, maybe you / we should take a shower?" 


"You sick pervert!" *punch & kick in the balls*


:-S

Sigh...............hopeless. I'm never going to be able to pick up women, menstruating or otherwise.

The Lady in Red...

The doors open, and I breath out a heavy sigh..

"Damn, I guess this comes with being in a big city" I think to myself. I've never had much tolerance for crowds. I detest crowds. I try avoiding them like they were a disease. Earlier, I had order my lunch to go and sat in the park and ate by the grass, rather than sit in the stuffy, overcrowded Kopitiam. It was nice.. The grass was clean, the weather was cool. I was wondering why I seemed like the only one doing this; eating in the lawn, by the grass.

But there was no avoiding this; the MRT. My fastest and surest way home. I stepped in, and try finding myself a spot to stand, and pretend I'm not aware of the hundred other people around me. Most have their ears connected to their mp3 players. I supposed I'd do the same to if I were doing this all the time. I had a book in my hand. The Five People You Meet In Heaven by Mitch Albom.

I was adamant in ignoring every one and get on with my reading. Deeply engrossed in my reading, I didn't bother looking if the person next to me was hot babe or a Bangladeshi. But then I spotted her, from the corner of my eye..... the lady in red, just 2 feet away.

I've never been the type to ogle at women much. Like I said before, some messed up thing in my brain keeps telling me to not stare too much at them BECAUSE they are pretty. Something like my internal little Mahatma Gandhi passive resistance movement. Only, I wasn't fighting the British, I was fighting against giving them the satisfaction of yet another guy lustfully gazing at them. But this girl, made me boot Gandhi out for a while, if you follow me. I quickly did a second take... Damn, she's pretty. Not to mention oh-so-stylish. Long straight hair, with streaks of blood red highlight. Wearing dark brown shades but behind the glasses, I could see perfectly shaped eye brows, not too thick, not too thin. A tube top with floral patters sewn in and her jeans a dark navy blue, with red linings on the pocket. High heeled shoes with red, matching again the red toenails and fingernails.

"Red..."I thought to myself, " the colour of boldness......the colour of seduction.... " Maybe with men, red is just another colour, but not to women. It means SOMETHING when a woman wears red. It's a signal. Feisty, sexy, bold, confident, daring, wild.... this woman in red stirred my imagination.

"I wonder how she's like in bed? A real tigress I bet. Damn, I wonder if underneath....." I cut myself short. Naughty naughty me.. get back to your book your horny little bugger. This ain't a place to start getting ideas.

More people come in and out of the train.. and we shuffle places. I'm holding on to a pole... and as luck would have it, she ended up standing right next to me, holding the same pole. I ignore her, just reading my book. Of course, I wasn't REALLY ignoring her. The trains were getting really jammed, and I could see she was being pushed.

Pushed to the point that we had to squeeze... and our arms started rubbing each other. Her skin was so soft to the touch! I could smell the perfume this close. Damn it.. the scent of a woman always gets to me. It's one of those things I'm incapable of resisting. Of course, I was still face down, putting on my stupid show of supposed reading.

The train moved station to station.. and eventually got a bit emptier. Usually, in the availability of space, people spread out and take up more space for themselves. But she didn't. She continued standing there, brushing skin with me. Hell, if she wasn't moving, I sure wasn't going to too! Hahaha... Or maybe I was reading too much into the whole freaking thing. I had been away almost the entire week... and by this time, I was actually feeling rather horny. I keep trying prevent myself from remembering that I seriously need to get laid.

Her station was next, and as the doors open... she flicked her hair, and made her way out of the train. I caught one last scent of her perfume and watched as she swayed her hips and walked confidently and sexily out of sight.

"What a masterpiece..... the lady in red.." I muttered under my breath.

I put my book away and started to think to myself. Hot sexy women squeezing in with you on daily basis, maybe living in a crowded city like this does have its perks after all.

the Crocodile Women....

I’ve always had this fascination about women.

At times, I think they are soft, gentle and sweet… almost to the point of being vulnerable and defenseless. They have this way of making you feel like it’s your duty to be protecting them, holding out doors for them, and running in the rain to fetch the car for them. Something about the way they flick their hair, smile at you and say “Would you please do this for me? “….. And all you can do is oblige. Something about their seemingly petite bodies and sweet faces tend to take you off guard.

Other times, you really feel like you DON’T want to be messing with them. Whether it’s PMS, or a bad hair day, or they’re just feeling particularly bitchy that day, IT’S ALWAYS YOUR FAULT. There is no winning an argument against a woman who’s pissed off.

I mean….. catch a woman on a wrong day, and gone is the sweet exterior… and out comes Medusa, with a full lock of snake hair.. and fangs so long and sharp it’d put Dracula to shame. She has many weapons; bitching, nagging, crying, shouting, silence… and if need be…infliction of physical pain. Different women have different levels of mastery of these skills… and they deploy these methods in varying degrees of intensity depending on what is most effective in any given situation.

Don’t bother trying to confirm this with any women. Some will deny it outright, others aren’t even aware because it comes so naturally to them, they aren’t even conscious about it. Women’s instinct; they always know how to get you by the balls.

Men are usually defenseless in the face of a combination of any 2 of the above methods. But some of our defenses include our unusually thick skulls and small ears. Our brains are well insulated for our protection…..… against you. That’s why we never seem to hear when you talk, cry, shout or nag. And padded groin guards… in case the verbal abuse doesn’t work and you decide a kick in the balls is in order. Unfortunately, there is no defense against the silent treatment. But that’s why we invented football and ESPN.

I have a favourite metaphor I like using when describing some women. It’s that of alligators & crocodiles. No, it’s not about how scary they look without make up (although in some cases, it just may be true). It’s on their character really. You see, crocodiles have a general bad reputation of being literal man eaters… vicious, cunning, opportunistic, aggressive... and just generally nasty nasty little buggers so ancient they’ve outlived the dinosaurs. But crocodiles are quite misunderstood. Despite being cold blooded creatures (ahem..) they are actually very loving and protective creatures…. To their own kind that is. They are the way they are because it’s what they need to do to survive. Crocodiles are fiercely protective over their eggs and hatchlings….. and probably one of the best mothers around. If you want to pay your mom a complement.. buy her a card with an alligator picture. (Just remember to explain it to her, else she think you think her as an old, scaly and cold blooded monster). A crocodile will risk life and limb and chomp up anything that stand between it and the safety of the things it holds dear… things like boyfriends and husbands… oopps.. I mean.. eggs and hatchlings. So ya… at the risk of further raging fury from any female reader, I’ll say this; women are like crocodiles… and I mean that… in the NICEST way. You’re guaranteed 100% safety, protection and tender loving care so long as you’re ‘part of the pack’ as it were… But if you’re NOT, then you’re pretty much lunch… and God help you in your quest.

I’ve never met two women who are alike despite initial looks and appearances. If you’ve met a hundred different women, then there ARE a hundred different puzzles to solve. And unlike those cool jigsaw puzzles that come with the main picture so you at least know what it’s SUPPOSED to look like, there IS NO KNOWING this puzzle until it’s complete, by which time, it’s too late to return the box brader….. Don’t bother trying to generalize or categorizing them or *gasp*… figure them out. Just like other great mysteries of the world like quantum physics and the theory of relativity, the female psyche is something man will never be able to figure out. As soon as we figure one woman out, we realize that there are rules and exceptions applicable for every different woman, in every difference circumstances, for different times of the month. The more you try to understand them, the more complicated it gets…

It’s intriguing to just see how vastly different women can be. Some like strawberry ice cream, others like After Eight Chocolate mint. Some turn into vicious-spawn-from-hell during their PMS while others breeze through it… Some want red roses and romantic dinner, others want your cash and credit card. Some like it when a man takes charge, pays the bill and opens doors for them, others scare the shit out of you and harass you into chauffeuring them around and repairing their toilets. Some can never wait to tie the knot and have half a dozen kids, others would poke you in the eyes and kick you in the balls before you can spell.. B.A.B.Y. Some are complete prudes, who insist cocks are those furry animals that run on two legs that wake you up in the mornings. (but then again, men DO tend to be horny in the mornings, so maybe they were right. lol). Others are complete nymphomaniacs, needing no less than 5 cocks…. I mean… men per session every other night just to stay satisfied. There are such women, I kid you not. Browse around the Singaporean and (to a lesser extent) Malaysian blogosphere and you’ll find it in no time (I’m not posting any links, so you’re going to have to ask me). Geez… the things they do make the things I write look like kindergarten level stuff man……..

Anyway,

The point I’m so painstakingly trying to make is…. There is no figuring women out. Not as a whole anyway. Maybe you can truly figure one WOMAN out… but it still takes time… and you have to do it, person to person. But even figuring one woman out would probably take almost a lifetime (yes they’re THAT complicated sophisticated) and you do only have one lifetime. Quite a quandary isn't it? Here’s the secret;

I read somewhere… that in order to live with a man; you have to love him a little, but try to understand him a lot. In order to live with a woman; you have to try to understand them a little, but love her A LOT.

I’m pretty sure it was just a joke.. but somehow, it sounded quite profound to me. What do you think?

Cheers!

My revenge.. on them good looking pepple.

You know how beautiful or sexy women always get looks from men as they walk by?

They know their attractive, they know their beautiful, they know you have your eye on them........ and they know that you too.

If I'm at a social meet, and there's a really beautiful or hot woman of the above type amongst me, I sometimes make it a point to just completely ignore them. I don't look at them, I don't try to impress them, and I don't try to make them notice me, like the half dozen men standing around her. I'd talk, laugh and joke with every other women around, except her.

I will not give her the satisfaction that yet ANOTHER guy can't keep their eyes off her, that with her killer looks and charming smile, she's got me too, even if it were true. I will not stand to be counted amongst her legion of admirers, tripping themselves over her in hopes of trying to gain her fancy.

I will not subject the rest of the so called 'less attractive' women to secondary treatment, just because someone hotter is sitting next to them. They deserve attention and respect too. I know how it feels to be sitting right next to a person who is the object of desire of all the women / men in the room. You feel like you could be a table prop and no one would tell the difference.

It's my weird and convoluted little revenge on them good looking people.....

Do you ever do that, or is it just me?

[UPDATED] Actually, it's just my revenge on good looking people who seem to be too full of themselves, strutting around thinking their looks automatically make them more desirable than others. How many really good looking people have you met who have manage to not let their looks get to their head anyway? I'm sure the answer is not many enough.

Buying Lingerie.....

Ladies,

Here's a plea from us ok. Don't bring your husbands / boyfriends / partner when you are shopping for lingerie. There's a few reasons I say this. Its not because we don't like you buying new sexy lingerie for our enjoyment and all... I mean.. we probably love your sexy bra and thong more than you do. And it's not because we don't want to pay for it either (although I do think you are paying an incredible amount of money for such a small amount of material). But here are 3 reasons why sometimes, it's better that you just leave us to our devices at the computer / hardware shop rather than take us into the lingerie shop.

1. We stare

Make no mistake about it.. A lingerie shop is actually a man's heaven. There are pictures of scantily clad women all around the walls; and you're even SUPPOSED to look at them. So we stare at the posters.. and sometimes we even salivate and drool.. which might piss you off. Then there are OTHER women, also looking for lingerie, holding up bra's and thongs thinking which one looks best.. and we start staring at them too, albeit in a less obvious manner... (See the problem?) And since we are where we are, the topic of conversation around us will of course be about breasts and bums and covering your pussy.. which incidentally happens to be our favourite topic.. which gets us extremely naughty. But you aren't supposed to get a hard on or horny in public.. so we try to be good and not look at any of these women and posters, or hear any of these conversation... and so.. we stare into nothingness... We blank out and insulate ourselves in our feeble attempts at trying to be a gentleman. and then you get pissed off at us because you may think we aren't interest at all. ON THE CONTRARY WOMAN! Is quite the opposite really.

2. In there, its nice to see, but not allowed to hold - we can't deal with that.

Now, why would you want to bring your man in the first place? For him to give his opinion right? How does he give his opinion? You try it on for him to see right?.... Well, when you do... and open that door for us to see you in that sexy outfit... well.... we stare (again), and this time, you obviously aren't going to get upset or anything.. but....then our mind goes equally blank.. because we start to get horny. We want to reach out there.. and squeeze that glorious bosom of yours and that tight ass... but we aren't allowed to, and so we just stare.... and drool.... and salivate and when you ask if it looks good, we invariably say yes all the time to all of them. Its not the bra we are saying yes to.. its the half exposed cup of breast and that firm bum of yours we are going gaga over, clouding our judgment. We add no value to your selection process and just stand there like a dumb ass.. THEN you get angry.

The exception is of course if you are wearing one of those bra that look like a bullet proof vest and grandma panties the size of....well...your grandma's butt.. then we'd actually be shielding our eyes from the pain.

3. We really want whats underneath it anyway

Whatever you buy will be off in 5 minutes of hitting the bed... Yes, it does look nice.. Yes, it is sexy and tantalizing and damn, you look sooo hot, but you'd look even hotter when it comes off!.. So off off off it must come! Maybe this sounds crude..but regardless of what you buy, its gona be the treasure its carry we are after! As long as it looks good, its good enough! When in the state of sexual excitement, our puny little brains can't really process if it was was laced or solid, full or half cup, T back or G-string, wired, padded or what have you... the only real design concern we would probably have is.. how do you take it off? If you really wanted our true opinion, we'd ask you to take the one easiest to remove...if its edible.. all the better!... and that my friend is the truth!

The only saving grace of this whole issue, and the only thing capable of keeping us in check in the lingerie shop is of course the sales promoters.. Or rather, all the 'aunties' selling them. How come you seldom if ever at all see hot beautiful women selling bra's and panties? Of course, that would result in us doing #1 above again.. All the women selling these things are either our mom or aunties age.. and they just take the whole sex and sexual fun of buying langerie out of the whole thing. I'm probaly wrong of course, and there's probably a lot of younger sales promoter.. But I always notice the aunties around... often recommending the giant bullet proof bra and grandma panties combination to unsuspecting women... The evils of it all! There should be a law~! Speaking of which, if you really not in the mood to entertain uncross your legs on a bad night, just put one of those on... we'll probably scurry off sooner than you can say "better support"....

Cheers...

Encounters of the Other kind

I just had a flashback...

How many people have actually gone on to meet the people they get to know online? I'll confess this not so exciting little secret... just one so far. In fact, after my flashback, I remembered that I already wrote about it, five years ago here. (bloody hell, have I been blogging that long?)

Of course, that was all the way back in secondary school.... when most of us were all nerdy school goers and when playing truant from school, kissing behind behind the block and intentionally not doing our homework was DEE most diabolical thing we could think of doing. Geeky, innocent, carefree and simple. Boy do I miss being a teenager. OK, maybe not the geeky part, but everything else was pretty good.

Anyway, back then, being (slightly) more wide eyed and innocent, I never really thought or intended to getting down and dirty with unknown women. (I still don't.......as much :p). I really really thought I liked that girl. We chatted almost daily on ICQ (now almost extinct probably), upgraded to talking on the phone, and when we finally decided to meet, I thought that I was on to something.. I mean, there was a good build up of momentum, and for all intend and purposes, I THOUGHT she was being straight with me. For my part, I told her I was a square. I had no fashion sense. I looked every part the hopeless ah beng and just generally not the kind of bad ass all you ladies out there seem to be so fond of. I didn't have a web cam (this was back in dial-up days ok), so I never sent her my picture.

She on the other hand, sent me a small picture of her, face only. Didn't think too much of it at the time.. Two eyes, two ears, one nose, one mouth.... and had a rather pleasant smile. She told me she was 'a bit on the larger side', she told me she and her bunch of friends were all amateur model material... and over the next few weeks and months, fed my innocent little mind with all sorts of erotic details; of her older lesbian sisters exploits overseas; of she and her friends naughty teasing of men over a game of pool in their skimpy spaghetti straps and hot pants. Of men approaching them for modeling jobs a bit more.... I mean, all this seem WAY over my league, and I was hooked. SHE was the one who first brought the idea of meeting up, and I jumped on the chance.

I brought my buddy at the time along, all excited and nervous. Gosh, what if she didn't think I was good looking enough? What if she didn't like guys with squinty eyes like mine? What if she turned out to be this super hot, super cool and sophisticated woman, and me this geeky nerd who never even kissed a girl and couldn't tell between lip balm to lip gloss or what either was for? I was SO nervous that I would crash and burn and embarrass myself. But I had committed, so there was no turning back....

When I arrived at the place, and scouted around, I couldn't find her. I called using my friends mobile phone, and she answered.

"I can't see you. Where are you?" I asked

"I'm standing in front of the building. I'm with my friends. I'm wearing black. Can you see me?" she replied.

I turned left to right, scanning the place, and spotted her. I had hoped that I spotted the wrong person, but oh I saw her alright. She was impossible to miss....

"I found her, she's in front over there." I said to my friend in a disbelief tone.

"Where? I can't see her. Oh, is that the one.. Oh my God..." my buddy, as he starts snickering at me, barely containing the evil "aha-look-what-you-found" smirk he had on his face.

You know the feelings of having your hopes and dreams come crashing down? Haha... it came down on me right step by step there and then as I took those 20 steps towards her. I put up my bravest face, said hello to her and her friends, made small talk for the next 30 minutes, made a promise to meet up again, and got the hell out of there. It originally wasn't meant to be a long meeting anyway. We were to meet, support this little fair they were organizing and be gone...

My buddy wouldn't let it go for the next few months. He thankfully agreed to keep this secret from everyone else, but never missed a chance at taking a swipe at me (and not to mention blackmail) the next time the issue of meeting women arised.

I don't mean to be mean ladies and gentlemen.. but she was F.A.T. No... she was OBESE. I was about what 85kg? She was probably as heavy as I was! She was as tall as I was, about 177cm (taller that me on her heels) and definitely larger in built than me.... And her friends were all as big! She wore cloths and a bra so tight I could see all the access flesh on the verge of bursting at the seams.

I felt guilty for feeling this way. I didn't want to be a shallow guy only looking for hot women to befriend. I wasn't exactly your Mr. Hunky Six-Pack-Abs myself. But still I felt a bit cheated and mislead. Did I miss something here? Did I fail to properly decipher the part where she told me she 'on the big side'? She never told me her size, and I never asked either. It didn't really seemed like the question you'd need to ask a woman who wears spaghetti straps and hot pants showing their cleavage over a game of pool. I thought she was trying to tell me she was teasing them, I didn't realize she was actually feeding them disturbing images of semi nude obese women! I felt like sending her an email "Hey, was nice meeting you the other day. oh, btw, YOU FORGOT TO TELL ME YOU WERE FAT."

Anyway, it sort of fizzled out.. my fault perhaps. I made a few feeble attempts to kindle some sort of friendship with them over drinks in KLCC... But there's just something hard to accept when 1 man goes out and has drinks with 2~3 other women, all big and strong enough to break his neck. Its downright scary that's what it is.

After that, I just sort of gave up trying to meet any singles online. A bit traumatized I guess... This time it was just plus size women. What if next time it turned out to be former-body-builders-turned-transvestites? Boy would I be in deep shit if that happened.

So, a good many years later today, I hope I'm a bit wiser. Will I still consider meeting up with unknown women I met on the net? Yes, if there are any at all who are interested. I am looking for my Mrs. Jones and FUBU remember? But to avoid a similar experience to the above for all parties, here's a checklist for you to go through

1. Tell me you're fat and ugly. Even if you aren't, just be kind to this poor chap and lie to me. The prettier you are, the more your should insist that you look like a female version of quasimodo. Firstly, I can't take the pressure of trying to make a good impression if I knew you were hot. I'd just trip over myself make a mess of the entire meeting. Plus, if I go meet you fully expecting you to look like this picture, I couldn't possibly be disappointed even if you had one thick long brow across your head instead of two and a pair of crazy eyes. Get it? On the other hand, if you are fat and ugly and looked like the above.......well......at least you told me the truth, and there's no nasty surprise for me, and I'd already have my 'its-what's-on-the-inside-that-matters' speech fully memorized. :p Similarly, you should fully expect me to show up looking like the above picture, albeit in a bit more updated looking sweater, and just for you honey, I'll even comb my hair!

2. Lets keep the first meet agenda light and casual. Neither party should really be expecting anything more than a simple meet and chat to get an overall feel of the other person. You can go home and slowly decide what you think of me vice versa. Light and casual also means that either one can conveniently cut the meeting short if its not to their liking. For instance, I might not like the fact that you actually DO look like quasimodo and will suddenly have another appointment to catch. You on the other hand might find me as interesting as a newly installed toilet seat, and suddenly remembered that you needed to buy some sanitary pads before end of the day. I promise I will ask no more. No hard feelings right?

3. Come as yourself. Conventional wisdom would dictate that you put your best foot forward. But really, just come as who you are. If you are the girl next door, jeans and blouse type, that's fine. If you are the leather bound, whip cracking dominatrix type... well.... at least keep the whip at home ok. ;) If you are loud and chatty, be loud and chatty. If you are shy and quiet, be shy and quiet. If you are crazy and obnoxious..... well, try not to chase when I start running ok. lol. Its a major turn off when someone puts on an air to try to seem cooler than they really are.. and trust me, yes, you can tell when someone is putting on airs. A woman is prettiest when she smiles, and sexiest, when she is being her natural self..Remember that ok. Plus, the purpose of the whole meet is to get to know one another, not show how great we are. Express, not impress.

So, 3 small conditions. You think we can follow this little rules of engagement?

Cheers.

To shave or not to shave

"I need a shave..." I thought to myself.

I had not had the time on the weekend to do it. I would have preferred lazying around, watching a movie or having dinner with some friends, but unfortunately for me, I had just spent the entire weekend under the scorching hot sun, attending to work in the middle of a chemical plant up north of the region. On top of looking a bit scruffy with my overgrown beard, my face and neck were red from the sunburn; I had forgotten all about packing a shaver and sun block when going.

When I did finally make my way back to civilization in KL, there was a surprise waiting for me. My other half had, in all the free time that I was away, shaved her pubic hair. "What do you think? How does it look?" she asks... "Nice of course!" came my reply.... Remember this folks, whether her pussy looks bare like the sahara desert or the Amazon jungle... save yourself the witty remarks... the answer should always be "Yes, it looks nice." (And since we are on that, remember also that the answer is always "NO, you don't look fat it that dress" for that other question). For the record, I wasn't lying. It DID look all nice, neat and delicious. In fact, it kinda turned me on, despite being all exhausted, sun burned and tired. I felt like just sitting her up on the counter and eater her pussy out there and then.... but WAIT.... there was a trick up her sleeve!

"Do YOU want to try it?" she cheekily asks..

"TRY it? I want to have it now!" I said... thinking of licking her pussy.

"NO.... I mean, do you want to try shaving clean also?".... she said

"........What? You mean, bare skin shaved like that? What for?"... I asked in surpised.

"Ya, come la! It will be fun! I did it, now so should you!" she replied all excited and girly.... and with a seductive smile flashing at me she says "I'll make sure you are well rewarded...".. and gives me this naughty wink......

Shucks......

Men are such suckers... I AM such a sucker. I never know how to say NO to women... especially when they're all girly, naughty, charming and playful all at the same time. THIS woman in particular constantly has me by the balls, metaphorically and literally. She always knows what to say to get me to agree with her. Sex always does the trick..... If that didn't work, there was always other weapons..The 'manja' approach, the 'tantrum' approach, and of course...the 'cold shoulder'....Between these few, one of it always gets me.

I've never attempted shaving my pubic hair before. Trimming and keeping it neat yes.. But shaving it CLEAN... erm... no. I thought she wanted me to go shave and show her the results... Turns out she wanted to do it FOR me... Hmmm.... How DO you shave all your pubic hair of anyway? Within 10 minutes, she had me lying down on the bed, stark naked. She takes out this funny looking tube of cream, and with a spatula, starts spreading it all over my crotch. Smelt kind of like a hair salon. So THIS is how women shave their legs etc... This funny cream that you apply, leave on and scape off after 10 minutes.

"I think we better put more, and leave it longer, since you have so much hair!" she jests at me...

I give her a half confused half amused laugh. This was way beyond my area of expertise.

10 minutes later, my pubic hair looks all frizzled and loose, and she expertly scapes off all the hair. I look on below with amazement. The hair was coming right off!

"There's still some stubborn hair around and on your balls. I'll get the shaver." she quickly adds.

"What? SHAVER? Balls? No... aaa.. let me.. let me do it.. I'll shave it myself" I blurt out, with a hint of exasperation.

Now, ladies, take note. Please do not feel offended if your male partner refuses to let you hold a shaver / any sharp object anywhere near his genitalia. It's not you. Its us. We get nervous when there are sharp objects around our balls. You heard about Achilles heel? Well, our balls are our heel... or something like that la.. you get the point. We don't like sharp objects near our balls! It's painful! That, plus all the horror stories men tend to remember about angry wives or girlfriends cutting their man's cock / balls off out of revenge. How do I know this is not some elaborate plan of yours to mutilate me because I forgot that yesterday was our anniversary?

So, for the first time in my life, I was delicately stretching my cock with one hand and shaving it with the other.. balls and all while my other half waited less than patiently outside with intermittent shouts of "OK adi or not? So long!"....

"Wait la.. its a lot of hair!"... I shot back.

"Unbelievable" I muttered to myself. Referring to the things we men do for women. We open doors for them, we pay for dinner bills, we give in during arguments, we fix their car for them and now it seems... we even shave our balls for them. If I remember correctly, I kept my pubic hair grooming to a minimum at HER insistence some time ago. She liked the pubic hair that formed just below my navel and all around my crotch... and she specifically forbid me from shaving or trimming down the hair there. "Very man..." she said to me... and with that 2 words.. I obliged.. You see what I mean.. we are all suckers for women.

I've never had delicate fingers. Rather clumsy actually. But through some super human effort, I managed to delicately shave my balls and crotch clean. Pleased with my handiwork.. I walk out the toilet door to parade my 'new look' manhood.

"So, do you like it? What do you think of it?".... she ask in excitement.

Now, I've always had a dry sense of humour. Sometimes, I say things rather candidly, and not always to good ends...

"It looks ok. Kinda like a porn star really...... Mmmmm...... kinda also looks like a baby elephant also. Remember Dumbo?" I replied without thinking while pulling the scrotum to the side like elephant ears.

OH BROTHER. Wrong thing to say! But too late...... she couldn't stop laught for the next 5 minutes. I was laughing too.. but also kicking myself for making such a stupid remark. I mean, I had no qualms about laughing at myself... I've never believed in taking myself too seriously... But this one really takes cake. This was my MANHOOD I was jesting about. DUMBO?....... Bloody hell, what have I done? How is she ever going to find me sexy ever again? Lol.... Oh well.. but then again, I did read somewhere that women prefer men with a sense of humour.. even if it is a bit off key.

So after mercifully containing her laughter, she quiet down, making a good examination of my genitals like only a nurse could. 2 balls in tact? Check. 1 penis unbroken? Check. Scrotum? Minor cuts.. but check. With a cheeky grin, she goes down on me and starts giving me a blowjob..... taking me deep into her mouth now that there was no hair to bother her.

I of course, put my hands behind my head, closed my eyes... and enjoyed the fruits of my labour..... Damn, I love blowjobs. ;)

Over the next few days, I just started to wonder.. Do women prefer men to be hairy or hairless? Do they prefer men to have fully shaved & groomed pubic hair? Perhaps a little trimming is enough? Or maybe some find a big amazonian bush around the crotch 'very man'... like my other half does? What about facial hair? Beard? Mustache? Do women actually find these body hair attractive on men? Some female friends of mine insist that men should always be clean shaven, others seem to think the hairier the better....

Half way through my day, I get a text from my other half.. She was still laughing to herself the next day, remembering my 'dumbo' remark..... Sigh. Years and years of trying to build up my sex appeal.. shattered in a day. I'll be more careful the next time I think I need a shave... and a bit more careful with my cute remarks.

Cheers.

Would you fuck your sister?

Welcome to the inner thoughts of my dysfunctional mind... Here's another secret.

I've always wanted a sister when I was growing up. For one, sisters don't beat the crap out of you when you don't listen to them.. unlike brothers who beat the crap out of you regardless.... The idea of having a little sister to protect and dote on appeals to the masculine side of our thinking I guess.

But now I'm thinking maybe its a good thing I never had one. Too much porn and too much erotic literature sort blurred my lines of morality..... I want everything I'm not supposed to have... I want to do everything I'm not supposed to do.... And after reading one too many incest themed porn, I found myself wishing I had a sister /step sister / god sister or whatever that I wasn't supposed to fuck, shouldn't have fucked, but did anyway. Of course, I am fully aware that most of the stuff written were fiction. But well written fiction can sometimes be so believable you're not sure what's true and what isn't all the time. This was just one of those fantasies.... there are other fantasies... but I'll write about them next time.

I think its the idea of forbidden pleasures that I find so intriguing and has got me so spell bound... Its original sin all over again... tasting the forbidden fruit so deliciously offered by the descendants of Eve. If Adam was ever given a second chance when asked to eat from the fruit of life..... I think he would have done the same thing twice!

Basically, when I was young, I wished I had a sister I could dote on.. Then when I became older, I wished I had a sister I shouldn't screw, but wanted to. I don't really HAVE a sister, so I'm not sure if having this fantasy makes me a sick pervert or not...

Hypothetically, if I did have a sister, I think I'd love her to bits... in the family sense. I think I'd be an overly protective brother too, scrutinizing every boy trying to get their dirty hands on her..... But would I really have sexual thoughts about her.....?

Hmmmmm............................

Who am I kidding? Yes, I would. I mean, if she become a young hot fully blossoming woman, how CAN you control your mind not to even think about it? The thought would have surely come across my mind.. even if it was just in passing. I'd probably try to squeeze the thought out... But it would have still been there. And just like every other good looking woman I've come across, I would have wonder how it would be like to go to bed with her. But that's not to say I'd ACTUALLY do it.... The things we think in our dirty little mind don't always translate into action.

The closest living testimony I have of this is my cousin. Being cousins, we were always very closed... And in my high school years.. exactly when puberty was hitting.. I became closer than i ever was with her. We always hanged out together alone in the house, out in the park chatting. I used to carry her on my mountain bike, on the front bar, right within my chest. She'd always stand very close to me... and we were a bit more touchy with each other than with others. But since we were first, paternal cousins, people never really questioned our apparent closeness. I don't know if her physical cues ever meant anything. Maybe it didn't. Or maybe she was just teasing, taking advantage of our status as cousins to do ask she pleased without fearing that I would reciprocate.... I'll never know. But I just played along, rather enjoying the touch and closeness of a woman around me.

I was after all a boy reaching the peak of puberty...... every walking person with a vagina seems to catch your attention. School mate, teacher, friend's sister... what more a cousin who constantly stands close to you and touches you. I honestly would get a bit turned on once in a while, when she would stand so close to me, I would catch a wisp of her natural scent............

Fuck........ cold shower, cold shower, cold shower!

I don't know about other guys, but the best scent a woman can have is not one you buy at the stores. Its the natural scent that her body emits as she goes about her day. This of course, applies to only 98% of women out there, because as painful as it is to admit, even some women have real bad body odour. Though many of my fellow men are a bit slow to pick up on this (come on guys!), the scent of a woman is very alluring and contributes to the overall sexiness of a woman. Try watching this film, and you'll see what I mean. (Don't worry honey, I won't kill you just because you smell good). So ladies, you've got a powerful tool there.. Wield with care!

I passed the test, and despite years of close physical contact with my dear cousin, I never once made a move on her, and she, me. After moving on from high school, I erased the memories of those thoughts, forever locking it away in my chest of secrets, not sure if that made me a bad person or not. How do you go around seeking therapy and closure without admitting to people that you wanted to fuck the sister you never had, but never fucked the cousin you always had?

Does all of this make me a seriously fucked up person? I duno... you tell me.

Toy Boys

Toy Boys...

Yeap..... that's a job I would have liked to have instead.

Rich old men keep mistresses.... that's a well known fact. The men offer part time companionship with all the benefits of the comes with his big fat wallet. The women also offer part time companionship, with all the benefits that come with her young beautiful body.

But in recent years, you do hear occasionally of toy boys and their rich (and often older) female partners. The men are supposedly young, handsome, charming and with chiseled six packs as standard..... And the women are often frustrated, lonely wives of ridiculously rich husbands who are either overseas all the time, or busy with their own mistresses. So in this case, the men offer their bodies... and the women offer their big fat wallet....

Kinda refreshing really, in a weird, twisted kind of way. But I guess that's the world today.

The first time I ever heard of such a thing, my first thoughts were "Damn! How come I never came across any lonely rich datins?" You get to fuck all day, get showered with expensive gifts for no reason, and all you have to do is keep these lonely women satisfied sexually, and keep telling them their beautiful? WHERE DO I SIGN UP? There never seems to be enough sexually frustrated / dissatisfied women when you need them. 8 out of 10 men would readily admit their horny for sex... but 8 out of 10 women would probably slap you in the face if you asked if their were horny.. The other 2 would most likely kick you in the balls...

How DO you end up becoming a toy boy anyway? Its one of those life mysteries that will forever elude me. I have met one or two datins, but they were either too old, too fat, hardly the type interested in an affair I guess.

Toy boy's are such a novel & intriguing idea.... it contradicts how we view society, that only older men are sexually hungry beings looking for young sweet things to satisfy their urges. To even imagine that an older women would also have the same type of urges and hunger, out on the prowl looking for hot young men to date is.. well, its every young men's dream that's what it is! Well, at least, to me it is. I don't know how other people feel about seeing or dating an older women, but i for one wouldn't mind giving a go. Ever since I first hit puberty, I have had fantasies of being with older women, of being slowly but surely seduced into their lair and being shown a thing or two when it came to sex....

I guess I find women who know what their are doing, or at least, confident & comfortable with who they are infinitely more sexy. Its not so much the age, but rather the level of maturity. The sexiest thing about a woman is not her body really, its her mind. Its her composure, her poise, its how she carries herself. And women who are older, tend to be more confident in their own skin, are less needy, and don't expect you to marry them just because you spent the night with them.

The toy boy probably represents the pinnacle of that idea.... They are well women supremely confident in their womenhood. They don't need you, in fact, their using you for their satisfaction, and last of all, they expect you to shut the hell up after you just spent the night with them! Perhaps it's not too different from the idea of a fuck buddy really... except with 2 person coming into it with different levels of maturity and thinking, the dynamics of that relationship change, thus the name change....

Toy boy, fuck buddy... whatever you call it... I just want to know one thing really, WHERE DO I SIGN UP?!

A Straight Mans Worst Nightmare!!

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