Welcome to the inner thoughts of my dysfunctional mind... Here's another secret.
I've always wanted a sister when I was growing up. For one, sisters don't beat the crap out of you when you don't listen to them.. unlike brothers who beat the crap out of you regardless.... The idea of having a little sister to protect and dote on appeals to the masculine side of our thinking I guess.
But now I'm thinking maybe its a good thing I never had one. Too much porn and too much erotic literature sort blurred my lines of morality..... I want everything I'm not supposed to have... I want to do everything I'm not supposed to do.... And after reading one too many incest themed porn, I found myself wishing I had a sister /step sister / god sister or whatever that I wasn't supposed to fuck, shouldn't have fucked, but did anyway. Of course, I am fully aware that most of the stuff written were fiction. But well written fiction can sometimes be so believable you're not sure what's true and what isn't all the time. This was just one of those fantasies.... there are other fantasies... but I'll write about them next time.
I think its the idea of forbidden pleasures that I find so intriguing and has got me so spell bound... Its original sin all over again... tasting the forbidden fruit so deliciously offered by the descendants of Eve. If Adam was ever given a second chance when asked to eat from the fruit of life..... I think he would have done the same thing twice!
Basically, when I was young, I wished I had a sister I could dote on.. Then when I became older, I wished I had a sister I shouldn't screw, but wanted to. I don't really HAVE a sister, so I'm not sure if having this fantasy makes me a sick pervert or not...
Hypothetically, if I did have a sister, I think I'd love her to bits... in the family sense. I think I'd be an overly protective brother too, scrutinizing every boy trying to get their dirty hands on her..... But would I really have sexual thoughts about her.....?
Hmmmmm............................
Who am I kidding? Yes, I would. I mean, if she become a young hot fully blossoming woman, how CAN you control your mind not to even think about it? The thought would have surely come across my mind.. even if it was just in passing. I'd probably try to squeeze the thought out... But it would have still been there. And just like every other good looking woman I've come across, I would have wonder how it would be like to go to bed with her. But that's not to say I'd ACTUALLY do it.... The things we think in our dirty little mind don't always translate into action.
The closest living testimony I have of this is my cousin. Being cousins, we were always very closed... And in my high school years.. exactly when puberty was hitting.. I became closer than i ever was with her. We always hanged out together alone in the house, out in the park chatting. I used to carry her on my mountain bike, on the front bar, right within my chest. She'd always stand very close to me... and we were a bit more touchy with each other than with others. But since we were first, paternal cousins, people never really questioned our apparent closeness. I don't know if her physical cues ever meant anything. Maybe it didn't. Or maybe she was just teasing, taking advantage of our status as cousins to do ask she pleased without fearing that I would reciprocate.... I'll never know. But I just played along, rather enjoying the touch and closeness of a woman around me.
I was after all a boy reaching the peak of puberty...... every walking person with a vagina seems to catch your attention. School mate, teacher, friend's sister... what more a cousin who constantly stands close to you and touches you. I honestly would get a bit turned on once in a while, when she would stand so close to me, I would catch a wisp of her natural scent............
Fuck........ cold shower, cold shower, cold shower!
I don't know about other guys, but the best scent a woman can have is not one you buy at the stores. Its the natural scent that her body emits as she goes about her day. This of course, applies to only 98% of women out there, because as painful as it is to admit, even some women have real bad body odour. Though many of my fellow men are a bit slow to pick up on this (come on guys!), the scent of a woman is very alluring and contributes to the overall sexiness of a woman. Try watching this film, and you'll see what I mean. (Don't worry honey, I won't kill you just because you smell good). So ladies, you've got a powerful tool there.. Wield with care!
I passed the test, and despite years of close physical contact with my dear cousin, I never once made a move on her, and she, me. After moving on from high school, I erased the memories of those thoughts, forever locking it away in my chest of secrets, not sure if that made me a bad person or not. How do you go around seeking therapy and closure without admitting to people that you wanted to fuck the sister you never had, but never fucked the cousin you always had?
Does all of this make me a seriously fucked up person? I duno... you tell me.
