of Gay Men

I’ve always been somewhat fascinated and curious about gay men.

No, not curious in THAT sense… but in a more intellectual way.

Like for instance, how to they work out who’s the ‘man’ in the relationship, or is that interchangeable? In bed, who’s the ‘fucker’ and who’s the ‘fuckee’? (Hahaha.. fucker-fuckee, love that) or is that interchangeable too? Do they really feel NOTHING when seeing a naked woman? If they received a blowjob from a woman, would it arouse them? Do they see themselves more as women trapped in a man’s body, or just men true blue men who just like dicks more than vagina? And if you were limber enough to do it, would you suck on your own cock? If you sucked your own cock, is that being gay, or is that masturbating?

Pop culture likes to tell you that gay men are all flamboyant, well dressed, artsy, well groomed and intelligent.

From experience, I’ll have say – that is so fucking true.

I only have 2 gay friends…. but they are both all of the above. They have an eye for all things beautiful. they have a certain flair and they truly dare to be different even if it means not being popular (or accepted). I can really picture them saying the words “You laugh at me because I'm different, I laugh at you because you're all the same”

I will tell you very honestly that most (if not all) straight men do feel uncomfortable when dealing with gay men. Ya, we try to act cool about it, we try to go out of our way to show it’s no big deal….. but deep down inside, we’re all a bit uncomfortable. Not when we’re dealing with you, not when we’re hanging out with you, and not even when we’re giving you a big bear hug before going home. But when the two of you are together.

I was just listening to my gay friend recollecting excitedly about the little birthday surprise his partner threw him. He made this really sweet and thoughtful treasure hunt around the house for him to find his present. One clue led to another, one puzzled led to another before he finally found his present tucked underneath his bed. It was a really really sweet and romantic gesture… which even I had to admire.

As the two of them started talking more and more excitedly, you kinda knew this was quite an intimate little moment they were sharing. I watched the two of them and started asking myself “Are they gonna kiss each other? Is he going to brush his cheek? Is he going to hug him? Is he going to snuggle and say how sweet he was? Is this going to be one of those couple's intimate moments? My GOSH… DON’T DO IT.. DON’T DO IT…..”

Thankfully, they didn’t. I’d totally freak out if they did.

I don’t have a problem accepting people for who they are. If you like having other men stick their dicks up your ass that’s up to you. I’d still hang out with you. But I do have a problem with accepting a homosexual relationship for what it is. More so than I’d have of say people being polygamous or partner swapping or any of those things. Mainly because homosexuality among men does feel like something against the natural order of nature. I mean, check out your equipment dude. It’s built for something else. Hammers are used on nails. Screwdrivers are used on screws.. You don’t take two hammers and start banging and rubbing them against each other. That’s not what it’s designed to do…. And frankly, it just confuses the rest of the hammers… Get my drift? And what’s wrong with women anyway? They look good, they smell good, they have soft skin, they are gentle….. and they even have the right equipment!

But there usually 2 reasons why people refrain from speaking out against homosexual relationships.

The first one is that people don’t want to be intolerant. We live in an age of plurality and society demands that we are accept people of all races, colours, nationalities, religions and even sexual preferences. We argue with ourselves that if we want others to accept us for who we are, we should not and cannot in turn try to judge other people. Treat others how you would like to be treated – it’s a common rule in civilized society. We also live in a very secular society where there is no such thing as moral absolutes. The common argument is that as long as it’s not breaking the law, and it’s not hurting anybody it’s OK. To try to stand up and say that there are very defined rights and wrongs in issues of morality will instantly earn you the label of ‘fundamentalist’ or ‘intolerant’.

Secondly, and more significantly, gay / lesbian friends are often genuinely nice people. More often than not, they are our friends and…… good ones at that. My best friend in high school was gay. And when someone is close to you, it’s very hard to try and impose your prejudices on them. Our natural instinct is to accept them rather than alienate them. We don’t want our friends to feel like they aren’t allowed to be who they are if they want to continue being our friends. We never put ultimatums to our friendships. It’s bad enough that society as a whole rejects them.. what kind of friend can we claim to be if even we who know them refuse to accept them?

But as much as I try to, the sight of two grown men holding hands, hugging and kissing will always make me shift uneasily. Pull them apart and I can accept them individually, but put them together.. it’s always a different story. I do realize that makes me an ‘intolerant’ person.. but that’s because deep down inside, I do believe that is something called moral absolutes. There are things in life we inherently know are wrong.. like murder, cannibalism, rape and in this case… homosexuality. Unless you’re talking about two hot lesbians making out in bed – because that’s a different story!

We men…… such creatures of double standard. ;-)

Cheers…

Balls, Chimps & Fuck buddies....

One wife just ain't enough

Don't ask me why our local newspapers seem to be constantly reporting weird sex-related stories from our southern neighbour Singapore. This being the most recent one, about a taxi driver marrying 3 different women, one local Singaporean, one mainland Chinese and the last one Filipina. He's line of defense? He loved all three of them! Public outcry and hoo-haa because we're supposed to be a monogamous society.

Thank got me thinking. Are we monogamous or polygamous, or bigamous..whateverelse-gamous lot? I couldn't gather a bunch of guys fast enough to answer this question, so I started looking at our closes relatives, the monkeys and other primates instead. I mean, minus the fur and the tail, most men tend to behave like monkeys anyway

I found out that some primates, such as Gorillas are polygamous... meaning the alpha male basically screws all the female he can conquer while the rest of the lower ranking minions are left to jack themselves (or each other) off. The alpha male is the biggest, strongest, bad ass there is in the group, and as such, all the female monkeys with all their sophistication and high standards, will only be willing to be screwed by this baddy

Other species such as Chimpanzees are more promiscuous in their mating system. The males screw any and all females. and the females screw any and all the males they want. I believe you call that polyandrous. Cool eh? The only problem chimps will have is that they have to constantly be mating in order to keep their bloodline. But that's like having too much money to spend. Its a problem, but it's a GOOD problem. Anyone who complains of such things needs to get their ass kicked. I finally understand why scientist have been saying all these years that chimps are the most intelligent mammals next to us. They aren't just clever, they're freaking geniuses! Chimps... the original swingers. 

Here's where it gets interesting. Researches have found out, that the answer to my question, lies..... IN THE BALLS... literally. Your balls guys, start cupping them. See in polygamous species such as gorillas, have small balls. Because the way it works is, since the alpha male has defeated all other males and now owns all the females, his sperm isn't in contest. He can screw them as and when he likes, at his leisure. Thus, his balls aren't well developed. Polyandrous species such as chimps on the other hand, have huge balls, because they don't fight each other over the women. Everyone screws everyone else. The battle is a statistical one; the more often you screw, the higher the chance you are the dad of half the next generation of chimps, thus the need for huge balls, to produce more sperm. I guess it ain't easy being a chimp either. But doesn't that sound so much more developed (not to mention fun) than say, just physically bashing up other males and taking the women?

So you see, the conclusion is, Gorillas are stronger and mightier, but damn crude la. Chimps are more sophisticated, and have the bigger balls... Don't you just love biology?  (I wonder why they never taught this to us in biology back in school. LOL..... )

So back to us Homo Sapiens...

Unfortunately ladies, I can't tell you if the men in this region have big balls or small balls, because quite frankly, I haven't seen that many sets of balls, beyond the kind that's MEANT to be kicked and dribbled with. If you have kicked and dribbled any other kinds of balls, kindly refrain from doing so in the future.... we too would like to have kids some day. The only balls I'm intimately familiar with are my own, but its size is a secret YOU'll never know! ;-)

But it seems from comparison, humans have 'medium' sized balls. To quote a line from the article:

Humans, which have a socially monogamous mating system, accompanied by moderate amounts of sexual non-monogamy, have moderately sized testes

So in layman terms, we are in between the gorillas and the chimps. That means, part of us will always ever be fighting for position to be alpha male, jostling and shoving other men aside to 'own' as many women as we can. Winner takes all. Losers are left high and dry. The other part of us are just like the chimps. I screw your wife, you screw mine. We all get drunk Saturday night and do a sex orgy, everyone's happy, everyone's satisfied. May the man with the biggest balls be called dad. I'm suddenly more fond of chimpanzees than I have ever been.

Here's the article I was reading.

To tell you the truth, I'm more inclined to think we are more like chimpanzees, or at least I am. Sexually, I mean. (No, I'm not trying to hint at the size of my balls). Our society advocates social monogamy, and along with it, sexual monogamy. Social monogamy means that you make living arrangements, spend your money and live your day to day life with one partner. Sexual monogamy means that you only have sex with one partner at any one given time. But only 3~5% of mammals are sexually monogamous! And I tell you, those intelligent chimps aren't part of that 5%!

In a way, it explains why despite being perfectly happy in a relationship with a good sex life, my eyes still stray, and my mind lingers upon other women or why I am still having this obsession of having a fuck buddy. Turns out it's because I'm a freaking warm blooded mammal, with medium sized balls! Social monogamy aside, sexual monogamy is something perhaps we are all in-built to struggle with. Maybe that's why both women and men have lusty desires or sexual thoughts of other people other than their partner. At the most primal level, our animal instinct still calls out to us. An instinct that does not acknowledge social boundaries, accepted norms or predetermined practices of society. An instinct that only seeks to answer one call; the call to mate. I'm suddenly starting to love biology again.

I'm not trying to justify wanting to screw around. Wait, what am I talking about? I AM trying to justify screwing around!! Haha.... 

So unless you are a cold blooded reptile of a man, with really really tiny balls, don't tell me I'm wrong in looking for a fuck buddy!

Cheers.

Seeing Singapore...through my squinty eyes

The thing I've always liked about traveling to a new place is that you see the same things as the locals do, but with fresh eyes. The very same things the people of the land find normal, you find unique. Whenever I get the chance to be in a foreign land, be in another country or another state, I enjoy picking up bits and pieces of what makes that place different. Here's are some small little observations I've made of Singapore... just as I travel around the city:

#1 There's a Merc, BMW or Lexus in every corner

Unlike in other cities where the luxury vehicles are mainly seen in the city centre, Sg seems to have these evenly peppered around the island, unless I keep seeing the same car over and over again! On one hand, I think it's a testimony to the wealth of the country and it's people. On the other, I think it's almost like a mandatory thing for them to have so not to loose face to their neighbours... you know la... the old (dare I say it?).... kiasu behaviour.

#2 Not an inch of free parking space!! WTF?!

I usually drive into Sg... and to my great surprise & amusement.. there is HARDLY A SPOT you can park your car without having to pay. You either pay by cash card or old school style via coupons. Oh, and here, everyone reverse parks.. except those freaking Malaysia car drivers who never obey the laws of the land. :p Back home, you pretty much park your car anywhere you want as long as you're sure you won't get scratched or summoned. By the road, over the curb, in between houses, anything goes. Here, every square inch of parking space is chargeable, and I constantly have to hunt for a 7-Eleven just to make sure I have enough coupons or my Autopass/Cashcard has enough money. Which leads me to my next point.

#3 7-Eleven's in every corner!!

I'm used to having a 7-Eleven nearby in KL. It's what one those things I'm so used to having living in cities. Whenever I go to a slightly more rural town, I'm half amused, half horrified when I find out there isn't a 24hour convenient store around. Not that I frequently feel the need to buy things at 2am's, but just in case la..... 7-Eleven's don't just sell condoms, they are LIKE condoms... Better to have them and not need them, than to need them and not have them. Haha... Anyway, Singapore is FILLED with condoms.. I mean... 7-Elevens.... Every nook and cranny, every corner. It's not a bad thing actually...it's just that I was starting to wonder "Do you really NEED so many?" Is carrying 10 condoms with you going to make any safer than carrying say 1?

#4 Buildings & Infrastructure look good

Most buildings in Singapore look reasonably good and well maintained. You get the sense that it's a well oiled, well run place. The schools especially catch my eyes. Fields are nice and green, buildings look modern. Unlike the kind I used to attend n Malaysia... fields are muddy and dirty.. and all schools looked alike; horrid longish rectangular buildings with triangular roofs. It's like they got some chinaman contractor to do one and decide to replicate that nationwide! At least here, each school looks different.

#5 Trees, trees & more trees

One of the most unexpected thing I notice the first time entering Singapore (via second link) was the trees. They really really make it a point to plant as many trees as possible, especially in the residential areas. But I have been told this isn't so much about Singapore trying to be environmental friendly but more of trying to make this tiny island city less daunting to live in. You don't squeeze in almost 5 million people into 660 sq km of space without first thinking of living arrangements. I was told they plant so many trees so that it becomes less obvious that behind that thick bush there is another road, or another tall condominium, or another HDB flat. The trees also soften the cold hard concrete walls of the buildings, give cool shade and take away that feeling like you're living in a concrete jungle. Not bad la these people.....

#6 Women; Urban, well dressed & howt!

On average, I gotta say, Singaporean women are quite a delicious and desirable bunch, that is, if you dig the well dressed, smart, sophisticated working lady. Black seems to be very much the in thing for the working ladies (unlike in shanghai where I observed they preferred a bit floral). Some are more casual, others more chic, some elegant. But in general, most of the women I see look rather presentable.... and sexy. I don't know why, but every I spot a well dressed lady wearing short little skirt, I kept wondering if she was wearing a thong underneath, or anything at all for the matter.. Tsk.. tsk...tsk.... dirty little me.

#7 Cramped shopping malls, eateries, streets, everything!

5 million people. 660sq km of space. Need I say more? I tried having fast food for dinner. It wasn't fast. I had to join a loOOong queue! You queue to take a taxi, you queue to buy dinner, you queue to withdraw money. There's a freaking queue everywhere! Why can't we just jostle and shove each other like normal people? I thought this was a free market! Survival of the fittest? ;P The only place you don't have to queue to get something is probably Geylang.. and it ain't for the food baby... Jokes aside, I do tend to feel a bit claustrophobic of sorts when in Sg. Everywhere you go there's tonnes of people. The need for physical space is often overlooked, but it's something I'm always aware of. I was sitting in Mc'Ds and the tables were so cramped! More cramped than any other Mc'Ds I've tried in other countries. I could hear every word the auntie next to me was saying. Heck, I could even smell her............ fries. My hats off to all you Singaporean sex bloggers who have actually succeeded having sex in a public place. Considering the level of difficulty, you deserve it. I would've gotten caught long before my pale white ass got any sunlight.

#8 Everything looks same same

After a while of driving around and seeing the place, I started to get this feeling of deja vu all the time. Didn't I just pass by this 7-Eleven? Isn't that the same black Merc there again? Is this the same foodcourt? Is this the same school with the nice looking field? These trees look strangely familiar. Get the point? Everything seems to follow some earlier decided format of how things should look. Everyone drives shiny and clean cars. The condos and HDB flats look so alike there's no way of telling. Unlike other places where downtown is rather scruffy looking and dirty, every inch of Singapore seems pruned to the point of being........ sterile. Not that that's necessarily bad la...

#9 Sex blogs and the gutterpost

OK, this isn't exactly Singapore per se.. but virtual Singapore. The thing that has really caught my attention is the sheer amount of sex blogs Singapore has managed to produce. Maybe it just comes with being urbanized and connected to the world. I mean there really is A LOT of people out there more than happy to type of the intimate details of their sex lives.. some mundane, others bordering on insane. Does it have anything to do with living in a highly dense, highly internationalized, but highly conservative society? Has this produced all this virtual voyeurs who are looking a safe way to express their sexuality?

How many of you visit the gutter post? www.gutteruncensored.com. It's this cool little website that compiles all the latest juicy sex related scandals, videos, pictures etc etc on one site. You ain't a porn star (amateur or likewise) until you've been put there. Everything from great Gary Ng to Edison Chen, to that Philippine doctor and countless leak photographs and videos of people having sex has been featured there. Unfortunately, it's been completely blocked in Malaysia. The author explains here in this other website (unless this is blocked too). See, the blog author won't stop posting controversies of certain Malaysian political big wigs and their sons with their pants down and their hands up other women's asses, and so, these powerful ministers just block their whole damn website from everyone in Malaysia. Fucking idiot. What are we now, like China blocking the Internet? Anyway, so only when I'm in Singapore do I get to catch up with the latest gutter post where it is thankfully NOT banned, unless maybe your PM is caught with HIS pants down. But so far so good. So, thank the stars for Singapore!

#10 Invasion of Indians

If you ever work in Jurong Island, you'll see almost 100% of laborers are Indian nationals, more than half of the engineers are Indian nationals. In Geylang, one of the Lorongs are dedicated to Indian prostitutes (don't ask me how I know, I just do). Meaty, Fat, Old, but cheap and they even smell of coconut oil (which I suppose is a turn on for them Indians?) Dedicated to these hard working labourers who travel thousands of miles away from home to build Singapore, these labourers will screw these Indian prostitutes like it was a matter of national pride, and to keep the money in Indian hands. They'd never be caught with their pants down screwing *gasp* a Pakistani or Bangladeshi. :-s If you go to Serangoon Road on a Sunday, you'll see thousands of Indian labourers hanging about, walking the streets, sitting on the fields, and most bizarrely, HOLDING HANDS (Why the hell do they do that anyway?). They form little group outings, to walk the streets and catch up with each other. I was told they are tightly knit, and whenever there is a new addition to the workforce, he is taken out and is introduced and initiated into the group. Inevitable questions will be such as which village the chap is from, and how far it is from theirs, what their father and mother do and how many brothers and sisters they have. Cute.

I'm not being racist. It's just that it looks like formerly predominately Chinese Singapore with its signature la's and meh's is starting to have some curry and masala in the mix. Better start get used to have curry mee instead of your pork noodles!

Anyway, its just my 2 cents worth as a frequent visitor to this country. I think maybe the Singaporean flag should have a cili padi as its symbol. It's small, but it packs a large punch.