I need to talk... Dude

Do you ever find talking to people of the opposite sex easier?

If I'm being completely honest with myself, its a resounding yes. I do find talking to women infinitely easier than men.

Maybe its the whole guy ego thing getting in the way. Men generally don't like going all emo sharing our feeling with each other and stuff... We don't really know how to deal with it. All boys grow up competing against each other, or banding together competing against others. Sharing and communication were the means to achieving victory, like playing football. Girls grow up playing with each other.. sharing and communicating was the goal. I could never understand games like 'masak-masak' or play pretend.. How do we win? Nobody wins? What?!.. So you see, us guys... its not really our fault we don't know how to talk to each other. All grown up, it is still a bit hard for me to pick up the phone, call one of the guys, just to chat... We don't call just to chat.. we chat to achieve something! The only other time it's not awkward, is when you go out for a drink... even then, 1 to 1 seems a bit out of place.

Its not that I don't have any guy friends.. I do. I had a good friend in high school, who was really the first guy I could talk to so casually without our egos getting in the way. We constantly stayed over at each others house, we snuck out middle of the night just to drive (we didn't have driving license), and just hanged a lot, sitting in the mamak, chatting over the phone, insulting each other and just having good times... Of course, some years later, I found out he was actually gay... then everything kinda made sense.... But after the initial shock (and curiousity of whether or not this fella had a crush on me. We were so close after all!), I sort of came to terms with it. I accepted it, and gladly, still keep in touch with him. I also found out that he was never romantically interest in me.. seems I wasn't attractive enough! I wasn't sure to feel disappointing or relieved. What, NEITHER gender find me attractive?

My second best mate was my uni mate.... that was a more typical guy kind of friendship. We were always cool with each other, but we still did hang out a lot. No chatting on the phone all those thing.. we just did a lot of things together; assignments, shopping, attending classes, playing basketball.... everything except swimming, which I always and continue to do alone. We were tight, and I did share a lot of the problems I faced in those turbulent years. He was the only one to fully know the problems I had with my family, emotionally and financially. I knew I could count on him if I needed help, but our sharing was always kind of muted and awkward... Like 2 overgrown tough guys sharing a moment of tenderness... just doesn't work!

On the other hand, women seem to warm up to you the more you share those intimate, itsy bitsy details of emotional truths. I guess they are more geared up to connect. For a guy, opening up to a woman probably is easier, because there is no ego in the way..... and there is no fear of looking like a needy little cry baby... Its hard to maintain you macho if you start sharing about how your mother never hugged you as a child. Women tend to genuinely care about the emotionally well being of others... When someone shares something with them, they listen and empathize, and support. That is the purpose. For guys, when someone shares something... all we are thinking about is the solution! That is the purpose! Why else would one dude share and communicate with each other, than to achieve a goal? And that goal is to fix the problem!

But even then, I don't think that's the whole truth. Another dimension to all this, is sexual tension. Admit it or not, the biggest factor that pulls us to talk to each other is sex, even in a strictly platonic friendship. You can say a relationship is purely platonic, without sex or romance... but you can never say its without sexual tension... Not unless it were your sister (even then, who knows?) Sex is wired into our bodies baby.... and that alone is strong enough reason for us to be constantly sharing things with each other rather than with our best buddies. The sexual energy that exist when a man and a woman are close, physically and mentally really is a potent force.

Maybe I'm being a bit too dismissive, but with guys, if its not sports, business or sex.... there really isn't much 2 heterosexual guys can look forward to. Anything outside these 3 would result in us unintentionally sharing a tender moment, as mentioned above.

Its more enjoyable for me to sit down and talk with a woman than it is with a guy. With a women, there's a bit of playful banter, light flirting... and that undercurrent of sexual foreplay going on....... So, though on the surface, we are just having a casual chat, our pheromones are still at work, and true to our nature, it still knocks at our subconscious, telling us that this person before us is a potential sex partner. Isn't that fun? Our minds tell us we are just friends, no hanky panky, but our bodies are screaming for each other. I hope i'm not alone on this... I can't be the only one who looks upon 'just friends' with lusty eyes right? Anyway, I'll leave it at that.....all this writing about pheromones and foreplay is getting me a bit horny.