Mind. Blowing. Sex.

People like joking that if you appear to be particularly sunny some mornings, it's probably because you got some the night before. I find it hard to deny that. It's hard not to wake up humming 'My Girl' by the Temptations after just having mind blowing sex the night before.

But just getting some isn't quite the same as getting it good.

You can have a lot of sex, with many different people and don't feel quite satisfied. Quantity isn't the same as quality. It looks like the same applies for sex. How many people have you have sex with? How many of them were good? Probably just a handful? That handful are probably people with their good share of experience or is your regular partner right? In both cases, they know which buttons to push to make for mind blowing sex. On the other hand, if you haven't had ANY good sex ever, you're not have nearly enough sex yet, you're damn unlucky, or the problem is you.

Every time we think of sex with someone new, be it a fuck buddy, a casual fling, someone you picked up at the bar, or even a prostitute, our minds automatically think of some hot and dirty time in bed where you fuck each others brains out.

But the reality isn't always so exciting. There is such thing as crappy sex. And crappy sex happens you're fucking with someone who doesn't really want to fuck you back.

Alcohol is a great way to get people to lighten up and get people into the mood. But too much usually results in men not even being able to get a proper hard on. And when you're wasted, you aren't really thinking about sex... in fact, you aren't really thinking at all. So, if you want to avoid crappy sex... drink some, but not too much.

Money is another thing. Paying for a fuck is just about the surest way to guarantee crappy sex. When you pay a woman to have sex, it's you that's getting fucked - when the money left your wallet. And if and when she screams in pleasure, she's probably thinking about the new Gucci bag she can now afford to buy using your money. Once you're done, she's out the door faster than you can say 'herpes'. Pay the woman, and she'll fuck you - in more ways than one.

Of course, there are a lot of other reasons for crappy sex. Bad breathe and body odour comes to mind - though I'm lucky not to come across either so far. Freaky bed habits, like emitting weird noises or a stoned expression during intercourse are some. But the worst kind of sex is probably the kind well described to me once by someone when they said: "She drops her skirt, lies on the bed, spreads her legs and waits. It's like fucking a mannequin." In a nutshell, a lousy, non participative bedfellow. Damn.

But in my opinion, the biggest reason for crappy sex is - lack of experience. Size may or may not matter, but experience most certainly does. Ignoring everything else said above, sex with someone who knows what they're doing is always infinitely better than doing it with someone green. Contrary to what most guys think of themselves, we aren't born as sex gods and goddesses in bed. It takes a lot of learning and experimenting. I know a lot of guys highly rate banging young, inexperienced virgin women. Awkward pauses, lack of technique, teeth biting (ouch!) and the lacking of confidence - virgins are over rated. What the hell is wrong with you guys? Give me a real woman for goodness sake.

As for the men - we have our faults too. By default, men usually think they are real maestros in bed, hence they don't bother learning anything. In hindsight, I'll be the first to admit that I was a pretty crappy sex partner for a long long time - selfish, predictable & lazy. That's everything you don't want to be if you want show a lady a good time. I think the chief culprit here is porn - the sex tutorial video of most men. It makes us think that a good fuck is as simple as grab ass, suck nipples and bang hard.

But that's not quite it isn't it? You've got to learn which spots to touch; how much, how hard, how gentle. You've got to learn to read cues; what does she like, what turns her on, what doesn't she like? You've got to learn how to maneuver various positions; missionary with one leg up, two? Doggy standing, kneeling? Sideways? Legs together, apart? Subtle things often make big differences. And never, ever, ever underestimate the importance of kissing. Learn how to kiss passionately and her panties WILL be soaking wet by the time you take them off.

The thing I eventually realize was that our biggest sex organ is our brain (no, it's not your penis dude). The thing that gets ultimately stimulated is the brain. That's why it's called mind blowing sex. It brings new meaning to the term - fucking your brains out.

Anyway, take what I say with a pinch of salt. I'm not a love guru, and I don't have a long line of women knocking on my door waiting for a good fuck. Can't say I didn't wish it though.

I'm just a guy who knows crappy sex when he gets it..... that is when he gets any at all.

Cheers.