Why Assholes Lead Happier Lives

I was just silently listening to the conversation over lunch, smiling politely, giving a comment here and there. There were 8 of us... 4 single, 4 married. And the man of the moment, was a married man... back home where he came from that is. Over here in this country, he was as good as a bachelor with his lease untied.

The topic of conversation was mainly 3 things; pre-nuptial agreements, marriages (and why you shouldn't do it) and lastly, sex. Of course there was sex. You can't have a table of 8 men sitting around and only be talking about the weather can you?

Actually, I didn't like this guy one bit. He was a client. But he was an asshole in every sense of it. Professionally, I hated every single inch of him and his guts. He made my work life a living nightmare sometimes... and I always got this feeling that since he's an expat, he just wanted to make a grand show on how hard he really is working, or why he's worth so much dough when a local engineer could do the same job he does at half the pay, and minus being an asshole. And personally... well, I didn't want to know anything about him personally. He could have 3 testicles and a prosthetic dick for all I cared. But since it IS work, and you HAVE to be nice to the client, I played along... or at least tried to. I actually lost my temper with him that morning when I thought he was trying to be a smart ass with some inspection we were doing.. and I told him off.... to the TOTAL SHOCK of my colleagues and suppliers... because well, I never loose my temper............with anybody. And if you do, you certainly don't do it with a client. People can get fired over that sort of shit. He was probably the last person I should have lost my temper with, but he was certainly the easiest one to..... out of sheer 'asshole-ness'. Basically I hated his guts la.. to get that out of the way.

Anyway, he was boasting about all the different places he has worked in in his career... and how in every place you go... you always need to find some 'honey' or else what are you working for if not for those pleasures. he proudly told us about his numerous girlfriends, and how he got married only because well... girlfriend number 4 got pregnant, and he couldn't escape. He told us about how he wanted to 'tapau' a girl last night but it was too expensive and not worth the money. He was in one of KL's most notorious, up class and expensive KTV a.k.a brothel there is to find. Here in KL, it doesn't get any classy or expensive than that. He said no matter how classy, how high class, it's still the same kind of hole.

We all laugh and joked, and asked questions.... after all, you're not supposed to take clients out for lunch and tell them their an asshole... no matter how true it was. And being all men there, I think everyone wanted to appear macho and appear like a cad, or at least, they didn't want to be a spoilt sport. But there were 2 conflicting emotions in me.

First of all.... everything this man said... every way he describe his exploits, from how he got married, how fat his wife is, to how he couldn't afford an expensive hooker, made me sick. Sick to the bone. It wasn't about whether any woman was present. There was just something about the way he talked about women as if they were some 'commodity' that pissed me off. I grit my teeth and put on a smile. There were no women sitting around... but it didn't matter. You don't talk about people like that. You don't talk about women like that. No matter if they were scientist, air stewardess, high class call girls or ghetto prostitutes, every woman has her worth... and deserves some respect, even if they seem to have lost their sense of respect for themselves. That woman is someones daughter, sister... and one day, someone's mother. Would you talk about your mother like that you asshole? There is this one scene in the movie My Fair Lady at the end when Audrey Hepburn says to Rex Harrison "The difference between a lady and a flower girl is not how she behaves, but how she is treated.".... and the guy is left stunned at the amazing insight this former flower-girl-turned-lady was now telling him. I never forgot that line. The point was that every woman deserves to be treated like a lady, regardless of who they are. And when I say treat them like a lady, it doesn't mean you have to talk all formal, bow and curtsy together or any of those things. It simply means.... treat them with respect for the simple reason that they are a woman. And being a woman is to already have worth and value intrinsically built in. For all his bravado and boasting, I just felt like lunging across the table and choking the life out of him and kicking his prosthetic balls.

I loathed the way he talked about women. I loathed the way he seemed to have no respect in talking about his wife, or the prostitute he never took home. But there was something else. I actually looked across the table, looked at the man, and asked myself "Why can't I be more like HIM??" Why? Why do I even bother to have this self imposed belief about respect for women and all this shit? Why do I have to care so much about people and their feeling? Why do I have to care so much about women and their feelings? Why can't I just have my fun, and screw around, and not care about whether or not this woman deserved to be treated this or that way? A prostitute's a prostitute. A one night stand is a one night stand. A fling is a fling. You don't need to start feeling guilty if you don't give a shit about how they feel do you? Why can't I be a little less of who I am today, and a bit more of a jerk or asshole, or whatever else you call these breed of men. I've been asking myself this question recently "Why the fuck do you have to care so much about people's feelings?" Why can't you just focus on yourself, focus on what you want, and go get it you dumbass. Why do you get caught in that web of caring for people... and wanting the best for them... and trying to be a positive influence in their life? I feel like such an idiot... because looking at this guy, as much of an asshole as I think he might be.. I knew he was having his fun, having the time of his life. It doesn't bother him in any way how these women feel, if he in fact even bothers to acknowledge that they have feelings. He wanted sex and conquest.. and he was getting it. He couldn't give a shit about everything else. If that made him an asshole.. so be it, at least he was a happy one.

A part of me envied this man. Not for how many women he has bedded in his lifetime. But for how little he seemed to care about anyone other than himself. I honestly envied that. To be blissfully ignorant. To not care. And as convoluted and dysfunctional as it sounds.... I wanted to be like him. Because being him seemed so much simpler... and possibly.. happier.

Sigh....