Sex headlines around the World..

I'm not your regular starbucks coffee drinker. I don't know about you.. but paying RM10 for a simple cup of coffee, no matter how good, is just a bit crazy, especially if you plan to do it on a regular basis. The only times when I do go to starbucks is when I want a nice comfy environment to do some surfing / blogging, or when I'm out having a drink with someone. In which case, I don't consider myself paying for the coffee at all, but for place to hang out in style.

Anyway, I sat down for coffee last Saturday, but doing neither of the above. I didn't even have my laptop with me, and I wasn't even planning to be there. You don't exactly just waltz into starbucks on Saturday morning in your slippers, shorts and lousy shirt and still expect to be looking cool sipping your little caramel macchiato. But it was either that or be stuck in hour long traffic jam caused by these stupid anti-ISA protesters marching around the city.

"What the hell" I thought... I'm not there to impress any girls anyway. I bought the daily paper and walked straight into the store...

errmm.. uummmh.. lets see.... Damn.. I didn't even know what I wanted. How come they don't serve Kopi-O in starbucks? Teh-Ais? No?... Oh ya.. that was in Ipoh Old Town Coffee.. duh. I could hardly hear myself think as the ever helpful staff behind the counter practically bombarded me with all sorts of suggestions..... Tea? Coffee? Hot? Cold? Milk? No milk? Tall? Medium? Small? Just RM 1 difference? Combo meal? You want fries with that? (OK, that last one didn't happen). Who knew you'd have so many decisions to make on a lazy saturday morning just ordering cofee? I sometimes wonder how many customers like me these people come across in a day.

She practically made my decision for me. Hot Caramel Macchiato it was then. Never had THAT before (whatever that is).. oh.. and some finger sandwiches. Oh well..

Coffee? Check.
Sandwich? Check.
Papers? Check.
Paper to scribble my thoughts for later blogging? Double check.

So I just sat there for like 3 hours, doing nothing but reading newspapers. Can you believe that? It felt so long since I just sat around and read the daily papers. Quite enjoyable really, reading all the going ons in the world. I was actually surprised at how much sex was peppered all around the papers.. Here are top 3 that I remembers that was kind of interesting.

Lonely widow surfs web for one night stands
Was this even news worthy? I mean.. 27 year old woman looking for sex via the net.This is first world, urbanized Singapore we are talking about right?. Is that really something you'd want to publish? People probably fuck around and have one nights stands ALL THE TIME on that island (ahem.. not that I would know la.). They must really be running out of things to write.. or all of them must be a bunch of prudes or something. If she was 72, not THAT would be newsworthy.

Hey, you guys down in Singapore! Would you please give the woman a helping hand (and cock)? Go find her, take the lady out on a nice dinner, lie through your teeth about how beautiful you think she looks in that dress and show her a good time la.. 27 year old available woman looking for a one night stand...Economics 101. Got demand but no freaking supply! WTF!? Don't make me come down there and do it for you ok.... unless she's damn hot :P

Cult sex leader charge for having sex orgy
Now, THIS guy.. He really got it going on. What Singapore lady above should have done was to fly to Jakarta and meet this guy. I mean, he made 2 couples have an orgy while he and his 2 teenage girlfriends watch on. Those who had sex were the 'chosen warriors from the belly of the world'..lol.. What a bowl of crap man. But still...... Talk about livin la vida loca.. Shit, you know what? I should have become a sex cult leader.. Body and mind spirituality and all the crazy sex with tonnes of women who flock to you for enlightenment. Why did I have to go to freaking university? I should have just flew to India or something and study the Kama Sutra or something. The men will be called 'lucky bastards of the brainless dicks' and the women will be called 'Heavenly maidens from the land of happiness' or something like that la.. I'm still working on it.

Saudi man jailed for talking about sex life on TV
Now this guy... So kesian. All he did was talk about how many he 'scored' and now he's eating probably eating vegetarian kebabs in jail. In some other article, it reported that his modus operandi was to send out random bluetooth messages to women at malls for a hook up. It seems if you talk to a woman in a public place there, you can get your ass kicked. (I wonder if I could tried that here.. the bluetooth part.....not the ass kick). What he SHOULD have done was take some of his oil money, fly to Indonesia and join a cult and become another 'chosen warriors from the belly of the world'. I tell you, that guy got jailed too, but he did it in a much cooler fashion.

So I'm thinking.. maybe forget about trying to find a fuck buddy in Singapore.. as much as I work there and kinda like it in certain ways, I might get published for saying I need a screwing. Forget about getting an oil and gas job in Saudi.. cuz I might get my ass kicked if I ask a woman for directions..Plus picking women up via bluetooth sounds seriously lame..What I really need to do, is migrate to Indonesia and start my cult practice. Long beards, white robes and just talk a bit like Yoda from Star Wars."Fucking, do we must, now." said the wise one... can't be too hard right?

Anyway.. If I ever became a headliner here for writing this blog, I wonder what it would say. "Horny Quasimodo look-a-like blogs away about non existent fuck buddy"...

Ya.. I think that would be about it.

Cheers! Happy reading!