Do you take it up the ass?

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Cars, Closets & Cops

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Horny Holidays

Holidays make me horny....

For some reason... they just do for me. Maybe its because when on holiday you are relaxed.. your mind is free.. No lingering thoughst on deadlines, meetings or calls and emails to reply.. Your focus is solely on having a good time with your partner.. and what kind of better time could one possibly think of than sex right?

When its a normal work day....sometime you are tire, sometime she's tired. Sometimes, you've had a crappy day and other days she's more busy fussing about what a slob you are at home..... Whatever it is, when you go on holiday, the mood totally changes.

Your mind is stimulated.. you see new things, new sights, you meet new new people. you're staying in a nice cozy hotel room with clean fluffy pillows and thick sheets.. the bed and room automatically cleans itself up everytime you return to you room... and the walls... the walls are usually well insulated for some.. ;)

Am I the only one who grows two horns and get more than a little cheeky every time I'm on holiday? Am I the only one who's eager to try different positions on the dressing table, next to the coffee table and in the shower the minute the doors are closed and the 'Do Not Disturb' sign is hanged up? Oh yes... being on holiday sure makes me crave more than usual for a good humping.

Holiday anyone?

My revenge.. on them good looking pepple.

You know how beautiful or sexy women always get looks from men as they walk by?

They know their attractive, they know their beautiful, they know you have your eye on them........ and they know that you too.

If I'm at a social meet, and there's a really beautiful or hot woman of the above type amongst me, I sometimes make it a point to just completely ignore them. I don't look at them, I don't try to impress them, and I don't try to make them notice me, like the half dozen men standing around her. I'd talk, laugh and joke with every other women around, except her.

I will not give her the satisfaction that yet ANOTHER guy can't keep their eyes off her, that with her killer looks and charming smile, she's got me too, even if it were true. I will not stand to be counted amongst her legion of admirers, tripping themselves over her in hopes of trying to gain her fancy.

I will not subject the rest of the so called 'less attractive' women to secondary treatment, just because someone hotter is sitting next to them. They deserve attention and respect too. I know how it feels to be sitting right next to a person who is the object of desire of all the women / men in the room. You feel like you could be a table prop and no one would tell the difference.

It's my weird and convoluted little revenge on them good looking people.....

Do you ever do that, or is it just me?

[UPDATED] Actually, it's just my revenge on good looking people who seem to be too full of themselves, strutting around thinking their looks automatically make them more desirable than others. How many really good looking people have you met who have manage to not let their looks get to their head anyway? I'm sure the answer is not many enough.

Corners of the Heart

We play around in bed, poking and tickling each other; laughing, giggling and having playful banter... like 2 little school kids having fun. It's one of those things we do; chasing each other around the house, tickling, playfully squabbling over who's the more retarded one.... She insist that I'm actually more wacky that I permit others to see, and that if people knew me like she did, no one would ever see me in the same light anymore...gone would be my air of seriousness and no nonsense nature. I insist I'm only this playful around her, and it's all her fault anyway.... she was the one that started it!

Its midnight, and all this laughing and joking is in a strange way, our little precursor to sex. We both sort of know what we want..... but before things get all steamy and sticky, we just play with each other, having a good laugh. Nothing gets you more relaxed than sharing a laugh.

She gets a call. Who would call in the middle of the night? It's her old friend from school. We've been meeting up as a foursome (not in bed dummy) for quite a few months now; she, myself, this guy, and another female friend. Good fun really; dinners together, movies, drinks on Saturday nights. Good company, good conversation, and everyone's on the same wavelength. So what's up?

It his birthday at the stroke of midnight. He's nearby, he's alone, and meeting up with friends in KL later, but for some reason, wants to come of for a yam cha. He ask if I'm there. She says yes. He ask if we'd like to go for a drink. She ask me if its OK.. I said.. "Yeah, its up to you.". She tells him the both of us will be done in five minutes.

I tell her she better go by herself. "Why? Come along la. He invited US." she says. For some reason, I said no. "Go ahead.. he's your friend remember. I'm sure he has something he wants to get off his chest." I replied. I mean.. if I were a guy, its the stroke of midnight, and its my birthday, and I call a hot and sexy female friend out for a drink, I certainly would not want her to bring her man along... But that's just it. I was not the guy. I was actually on the other end. And knowing this, I still didn't want to go. If I went, I was pretty sure he wouldn't spit out whatever he had to say / share. Its a guy ego thing. You don't sob, cry and whine like a baby in front of another dude.

Plus, I actually honestly liked this particular guy. Nice decent guy.. and we actually get along great (which is rare for me). Comes from a good respectable family (read Rich), very family centered, and he's this really really nice guy. She and him actually go back a longer way than me. They've known each other and been good friends through Secondary school, long before I ever came into the picture. She used to fancy this guy once upon a time, and confessed to him once in secondary school, but he sort of preferred that they remained just friends. Of course, that was long before she blossomed into the hottie she is today. You could see the look on his face when they finally met again after a 4 year absence (he was studying in Melbourne)... I think he must have been kicking himself for letting her slip pass! Sorry dude, you got here first, but I got the girl! Haha... But anyway, I digress.

For all intent and purposes, I should feel uncomfortable. I should be feeling threatened. I should be asking "Why the hell is he calling YOU of all person at this time of night?"... but I didn't. In fact, I actually encouraged her to go. "Go la.. sounds like he needs someone to talk to. If I come along, he'll just shut right up. It's ok, I'll be here when you get back." I said to her. She didn't feel comfortable. In fact, she even put up a small little attempt to protest. Are you sure? Won't you feel jealous or something? she asked. I give her the most disbelieving look I could muster and said "Come on, do I really look the type?". Not wanting to debate more, she got dressed and left "I won't be long ok darling.. We can continue after I get back".. gives me a wink and small kiss, and I sat there alone, just wondering what the hell did I just do. It seemed almost like I've given her a grand sending away to the arms of another man.. and I wasn't the least bit worried or upset.

The next morning when we talked, she told me she felt uncomfortable with going up with him alone like that. "I go out all the time with Lily (not her real name) just the two of us for drinks, and you know about it. Why should this be any different?" I said to her... But I understood what she was trying to say. She didn't want to have double standards. She knew that if the same thing the night before happened to me instead, she'd be mad, suspicious and jealous AS HELL.... she knows she can never have the same kind of assurance as I did in her. She could never wholeheartedly allow me to go have drinks with another woman in the midst of my time with her. Which woman ever would? Suspicion, jealousy and distrust would all kick in. She would feel threatened of her position in my heart instantly, despite us being so many years together. She knew this, and she knew that I knew it too.

Why did I do it? I think maybe I have always known the above about our relationship... and this time, when it sort of happened the other way around, I wanted to rub it in and prove a point. In allowing (and even encouraging) her to go, I knew I was giving to her something she has never been able to give me; complete trust and freedom. I wanted her to go out, have a good time, just the two of them, knowing fully well that I know, and that I'm ok with it. Because then, she would remember the countless times I had to go through hell, trying to convince and prove to her that my chit chat, yam cha sessions and friendship with female friends have always ever been that, just friends. I knew she would constantly monitor my whereabouts when she was not around and who I was with, get worried and think the worst when I don't answer. The green eyed monster in us sometimes make us do crazy things. "Where are you? Why aren't you answering my calls? Are you with someone?" You have no idea how demoralizing it can be to read those messages countless times, especially when you haven't even done a damn thing to cheat on the person. Oh.. yes, I wanted to rub it in. I wanted to remind her of this double standard that exist in our relationship, but I didn't want to do it in a hurt and begrudging way. This was the best way; to do and live by example. I'll treat you, not the way you've been treating me. I'll treat you the way I want to be treated.

But I still felt like there was more. This was one reason.. but I knew in my heart that there was also something else, something darker. I wanted her to go, and though I knew that there was nothing going on between the two, I wanted her to have all the opportunity in the world to HAVE something going on between them. Maybe at some level, I have some sort of guilt conscience, for all the things I have done, the things I so frequently want to do (as written in this blog) ..but mostly, for the things I know I'm capable of doing; things that could destroy in an instant what the two of us have been building for years. If I were her, I'd behave exactly the same way she did. As much as I demand complete trust from her, even if I got it, it would be undeserved.

I wouldn't trust myself.

I've always been told by people that I come across as a real nice guy, trustworthy and a gentlemen. I'm not boasting, its just what people usually end up saying of me. But just look at my writings, and the things I've been scheming....affairs, fuck buddies, one night stands...... Would you trust me? I wouldn't trust me. Give an inch, and they'll take a mile. A lot of times, women are right in their intuition. I am sicker than you think, I'm less of an angel that you know, and I'm certainly more cold and heartless than you can imagine.

And because of this, at some very twisted level in my head, I want her to go. I want her to have that chance to cheat or have her fun. Would I feel utterly betrayed and wronged? Of course I would. But maybe I would also feel like I deserve it, maybe not for anything I've ever done so far (which is basically nothing btw), but for the things I'm terrified I am going to do, in the coming months and years. If she cheated on me, it would be the lesser of two evils.... because if she did it, it would probably be with just one guy, out of passion of the moment, or crush or whatever. But for me, it's be so much worse. A deliberate, concerted and careful effort to do the things I'm not supposed to, to have my cake and eat it, I'll do it fully believing that I'll get away with it..... and the worst part of it all is, I know I'll probably fucking enjoy it so much I wouldn't want to stop.

For years and years I frowned upon my father and his womanizing ways. Always charming, always flirting with women. He had a way of talking to women... to make them laugh, to make them smile. My mother also kept silent, choosing to clench her teeth, swallow her pain and forsake her pride. He ruined his life with his ways, and she lost her mind, trying to put up with more than any woman ever should with her husband. Watching this growing up, I swore to myself I would never do to any woman what my father did to her; forsaken and unloved.

And yet here I am now, telling you these things. Make no mistake about it.

I........ am........ a.......bad.........person.

I'm a wolf under sheep's clothing, I'm the thief in the night, I am the one you least expect to hurt your feelings, but I probably will, in the most spectacular way.

If you know this, you'd stay away from me. I'm not the kind of guy you can trust your heart with. You can know a person for years and years and still not know the deepest darkest corners of their hearts; what despicable and shameful things people keep in that corner. I thought I knew mine. I thought I knew..... but when I really found out what was there, it scared the shit out of me.

Buying Lingerie.....

Ladies,

Here's a plea from us ok. Don't bring your husbands / boyfriends / partner when you are shopping for lingerie. There's a few reasons I say this. Its not because we don't like you buying new sexy lingerie for our enjoyment and all... I mean.. we probably love your sexy bra and thong more than you do. And it's not because we don't want to pay for it either (although I do think you are paying an incredible amount of money for such a small amount of material). But here are 3 reasons why sometimes, it's better that you just leave us to our devices at the computer / hardware shop rather than take us into the lingerie shop.

1. We stare

Make no mistake about it.. A lingerie shop is actually a man's heaven. There are pictures of scantily clad women all around the walls; and you're even SUPPOSED to look at them. So we stare at the posters.. and sometimes we even salivate and drool.. which might piss you off. Then there are OTHER women, also looking for lingerie, holding up bra's and thongs thinking which one looks best.. and we start staring at them too, albeit in a less obvious manner... (See the problem?) And since we are where we are, the topic of conversation around us will of course be about breasts and bums and covering your pussy.. which incidentally happens to be our favourite topic.. which gets us extremely naughty. But you aren't supposed to get a hard on or horny in public.. so we try to be good and not look at any of these women and posters, or hear any of these conversation... and so.. we stare into nothingness... We blank out and insulate ourselves in our feeble attempts at trying to be a gentleman. and then you get pissed off at us because you may think we aren't interest at all. ON THE CONTRARY WOMAN! Is quite the opposite really.

2. In there, its nice to see, but not allowed to hold - we can't deal with that.

Now, why would you want to bring your man in the first place? For him to give his opinion right? How does he give his opinion? You try it on for him to see right?.... Well, when you do... and open that door for us to see you in that sexy outfit... well.... we stare (again), and this time, you obviously aren't going to get upset or anything.. but....then our mind goes equally blank.. because we start to get horny. We want to reach out there.. and squeeze that glorious bosom of yours and that tight ass... but we aren't allowed to, and so we just stare.... and drool.... and salivate and when you ask if it looks good, we invariably say yes all the time to all of them. Its not the bra we are saying yes to.. its the half exposed cup of breast and that firm bum of yours we are going gaga over, clouding our judgment. We add no value to your selection process and just stand there like a dumb ass.. THEN you get angry.

The exception is of course if you are wearing one of those bra that look like a bullet proof vest and grandma panties the size of....well...your grandma's butt.. then we'd actually be shielding our eyes from the pain.

3. We really want whats underneath it anyway

Whatever you buy will be off in 5 minutes of hitting the bed... Yes, it does look nice.. Yes, it is sexy and tantalizing and damn, you look sooo hot, but you'd look even hotter when it comes off!.. So off off off it must come! Maybe this sounds crude..but regardless of what you buy, its gona be the treasure its carry we are after! As long as it looks good, its good enough! When in the state of sexual excitement, our puny little brains can't really process if it was was laced or solid, full or half cup, T back or G-string, wired, padded or what have you... the only real design concern we would probably have is.. how do you take it off? If you really wanted our true opinion, we'd ask you to take the one easiest to remove...if its edible.. all the better!... and that my friend is the truth!

The only saving grace of this whole issue, and the only thing capable of keeping us in check in the lingerie shop is of course the sales promoters.. Or rather, all the 'aunties' selling them. How come you seldom if ever at all see hot beautiful women selling bra's and panties? Of course, that would result in us doing #1 above again.. All the women selling these things are either our mom or aunties age.. and they just take the whole sex and sexual fun of buying langerie out of the whole thing. I'm probaly wrong of course, and there's probably a lot of younger sales promoter.. But I always notice the aunties around... often recommending the giant bullet proof bra and grandma panties combination to unsuspecting women... The evils of it all! There should be a law~! Speaking of which, if you really not in the mood to entertain uncross your legs on a bad night, just put one of those on... we'll probably scurry off sooner than you can say "better support"....

Cheers...

Sex headlines around the World..

I'm not your regular starbucks coffee drinker. I don't know about you.. but paying RM10 for a simple cup of coffee, no matter how good, is just a bit crazy, especially if you plan to do it on a regular basis. The only times when I do go to starbucks is when I want a nice comfy environment to do some surfing / blogging, or when I'm out having a drink with someone. In which case, I don't consider myself paying for the coffee at all, but for place to hang out in style.

Anyway, I sat down for coffee last Saturday, but doing neither of the above. I didn't even have my laptop with me, and I wasn't even planning to be there. You don't exactly just waltz into starbucks on Saturday morning in your slippers, shorts and lousy shirt and still expect to be looking cool sipping your little caramel macchiato. But it was either that or be stuck in hour long traffic jam caused by these stupid anti-ISA protesters marching around the city.

"What the hell" I thought... I'm not there to impress any girls anyway. I bought the daily paper and walked straight into the store...

errmm.. uummmh.. lets see.... Damn.. I didn't even know what I wanted. How come they don't serve Kopi-O in starbucks? Teh-Ais? No?... Oh ya.. that was in Ipoh Old Town Coffee.. duh. I could hardly hear myself think as the ever helpful staff behind the counter practically bombarded me with all sorts of suggestions..... Tea? Coffee? Hot? Cold? Milk? No milk? Tall? Medium? Small? Just RM 1 difference? Combo meal? You want fries with that? (OK, that last one didn't happen). Who knew you'd have so many decisions to make on a lazy saturday morning just ordering cofee? I sometimes wonder how many customers like me these people come across in a day.

She practically made my decision for me. Hot Caramel Macchiato it was then. Never had THAT before (whatever that is).. oh.. and some finger sandwiches. Oh well..

Coffee? Check.
Sandwich? Check.
Papers? Check.
Paper to scribble my thoughts for later blogging? Double check.

So I just sat there for like 3 hours, doing nothing but reading newspapers. Can you believe that? It felt so long since I just sat around and read the daily papers. Quite enjoyable really, reading all the going ons in the world. I was actually surprised at how much sex was peppered all around the papers.. Here are top 3 that I remembers that was kind of interesting.

Lonely widow surfs web for one night stands
Was this even news worthy? I mean.. 27 year old woman looking for sex via the net.This is first world, urbanized Singapore we are talking about right?. Is that really something you'd want to publish? People probably fuck around and have one nights stands ALL THE TIME on that island (ahem.. not that I would know la.). They must really be running out of things to write.. or all of them must be a bunch of prudes or something. If she was 72, not THAT would be newsworthy.

Hey, you guys down in Singapore! Would you please give the woman a helping hand (and cock)? Go find her, take the lady out on a nice dinner, lie through your teeth about how beautiful you think she looks in that dress and show her a good time la.. 27 year old available woman looking for a one night stand...Economics 101. Got demand but no freaking supply! WTF!? Don't make me come down there and do it for you ok.... unless she's damn hot :P

Cult sex leader charge for having sex orgy
Now, THIS guy.. He really got it going on. What Singapore lady above should have done was to fly to Jakarta and meet this guy. I mean, he made 2 couples have an orgy while he and his 2 teenage girlfriends watch on. Those who had sex were the 'chosen warriors from the belly of the world'..lol.. What a bowl of crap man. But still...... Talk about livin la vida loca.. Shit, you know what? I should have become a sex cult leader.. Body and mind spirituality and all the crazy sex with tonnes of women who flock to you for enlightenment. Why did I have to go to freaking university? I should have just flew to India or something and study the Kama Sutra or something. The men will be called 'lucky bastards of the brainless dicks' and the women will be called 'Heavenly maidens from the land of happiness' or something like that la.. I'm still working on it.

Saudi man jailed for talking about sex life on TV
Now this guy... So kesian. All he did was talk about how many he 'scored' and now he's eating probably eating vegetarian kebabs in jail. In some other article, it reported that his modus operandi was to send out random bluetooth messages to women at malls for a hook up. It seems if you talk to a woman in a public place there, you can get your ass kicked. (I wonder if I could tried that here.. the bluetooth part.....not the ass kick). What he SHOULD have done was take some of his oil money, fly to Indonesia and join a cult and become another 'chosen warriors from the belly of the world'. I tell you, that guy got jailed too, but he did it in a much cooler fashion.

So I'm thinking.. maybe forget about trying to find a fuck buddy in Singapore.. as much as I work there and kinda like it in certain ways, I might get published for saying I need a screwing. Forget about getting an oil and gas job in Saudi.. cuz I might get my ass kicked if I ask a woman for directions..Plus picking women up via bluetooth sounds seriously lame..What I really need to do, is migrate to Indonesia and start my cult practice. Long beards, white robes and just talk a bit like Yoda from Star Wars."Fucking, do we must, now." said the wise one... can't be too hard right?

Anyway.. If I ever became a headliner here for writing this blog, I wonder what it would say. "Horny Quasimodo look-a-like blogs away about non existent fuck buddy"...

Ya.. I think that would be about it.

Cheers! Happy reading!

Encounters of the Other kind

I just had a flashback...

How many people have actually gone on to meet the people they get to know online? I'll confess this not so exciting little secret... just one so far. In fact, after my flashback, I remembered that I already wrote about it, five years ago here. (bloody hell, have I been blogging that long?)

Of course, that was all the way back in secondary school.... when most of us were all nerdy school goers and when playing truant from school, kissing behind behind the block and intentionally not doing our homework was DEE most diabolical thing we could think of doing. Geeky, innocent, carefree and simple. Boy do I miss being a teenager. OK, maybe not the geeky part, but everything else was pretty good.

Anyway, back then, being (slightly) more wide eyed and innocent, I never really thought or intended to getting down and dirty with unknown women. (I still don't.......as much :p). I really really thought I liked that girl. We chatted almost daily on ICQ (now almost extinct probably), upgraded to talking on the phone, and when we finally decided to meet, I thought that I was on to something.. I mean, there was a good build up of momentum, and for all intend and purposes, I THOUGHT she was being straight with me. For my part, I told her I was a square. I had no fashion sense. I looked every part the hopeless ah beng and just generally not the kind of bad ass all you ladies out there seem to be so fond of. I didn't have a web cam (this was back in dial-up days ok), so I never sent her my picture.

She on the other hand, sent me a small picture of her, face only. Didn't think too much of it at the time.. Two eyes, two ears, one nose, one mouth.... and had a rather pleasant smile. She told me she was 'a bit on the larger side', she told me she and her bunch of friends were all amateur model material... and over the next few weeks and months, fed my innocent little mind with all sorts of erotic details; of her older lesbian sisters exploits overseas; of she and her friends naughty teasing of men over a game of pool in their skimpy spaghetti straps and hot pants. Of men approaching them for modeling jobs a bit more.... I mean, all this seem WAY over my league, and I was hooked. SHE was the one who first brought the idea of meeting up, and I jumped on the chance.

I brought my buddy at the time along, all excited and nervous. Gosh, what if she didn't think I was good looking enough? What if she didn't like guys with squinty eyes like mine? What if she turned out to be this super hot, super cool and sophisticated woman, and me this geeky nerd who never even kissed a girl and couldn't tell between lip balm to lip gloss or what either was for? I was SO nervous that I would crash and burn and embarrass myself. But I had committed, so there was no turning back....

When I arrived at the place, and scouted around, I couldn't find her. I called using my friends mobile phone, and she answered.

"I can't see you. Where are you?" I asked

"I'm standing in front of the building. I'm with my friends. I'm wearing black. Can you see me?" she replied.

I turned left to right, scanning the place, and spotted her. I had hoped that I spotted the wrong person, but oh I saw her alright. She was impossible to miss....

"I found her, she's in front over there." I said to my friend in a disbelief tone.

"Where? I can't see her. Oh, is that the one.. Oh my God..." my buddy, as he starts snickering at me, barely containing the evil "aha-look-what-you-found" smirk he had on his face.

You know the feelings of having your hopes and dreams come crashing down? Haha... it came down on me right step by step there and then as I took those 20 steps towards her. I put up my bravest face, said hello to her and her friends, made small talk for the next 30 minutes, made a promise to meet up again, and got the hell out of there. It originally wasn't meant to be a long meeting anyway. We were to meet, support this little fair they were organizing and be gone...

My buddy wouldn't let it go for the next few months. He thankfully agreed to keep this secret from everyone else, but never missed a chance at taking a swipe at me (and not to mention blackmail) the next time the issue of meeting women arised.

I don't mean to be mean ladies and gentlemen.. but she was F.A.T. No... she was OBESE. I was about what 85kg? She was probably as heavy as I was! She was as tall as I was, about 177cm (taller that me on her heels) and definitely larger in built than me.... And her friends were all as big! She wore cloths and a bra so tight I could see all the access flesh on the verge of bursting at the seams.

I felt guilty for feeling this way. I didn't want to be a shallow guy only looking for hot women to befriend. I wasn't exactly your Mr. Hunky Six-Pack-Abs myself. But still I felt a bit cheated and mislead. Did I miss something here? Did I fail to properly decipher the part where she told me she 'on the big side'? She never told me her size, and I never asked either. It didn't really seemed like the question you'd need to ask a woman who wears spaghetti straps and hot pants showing their cleavage over a game of pool. I thought she was trying to tell me she was teasing them, I didn't realize she was actually feeding them disturbing images of semi nude obese women! I felt like sending her an email "Hey, was nice meeting you the other day. oh, btw, YOU FORGOT TO TELL ME YOU WERE FAT."

Anyway, it sort of fizzled out.. my fault perhaps. I made a few feeble attempts to kindle some sort of friendship with them over drinks in KLCC... But there's just something hard to accept when 1 man goes out and has drinks with 2~3 other women, all big and strong enough to break his neck. Its downright scary that's what it is.

After that, I just sort of gave up trying to meet any singles online. A bit traumatized I guess... This time it was just plus size women. What if next time it turned out to be former-body-builders-turned-transvestites? Boy would I be in deep shit if that happened.

So, a good many years later today, I hope I'm a bit wiser. Will I still consider meeting up with unknown women I met on the net? Yes, if there are any at all who are interested. I am looking for my Mrs. Jones and FUBU remember? But to avoid a similar experience to the above for all parties, here's a checklist for you to go through

1. Tell me you're fat and ugly. Even if you aren't, just be kind to this poor chap and lie to me. The prettier you are, the more your should insist that you look like a female version of quasimodo. Firstly, I can't take the pressure of trying to make a good impression if I knew you were hot. I'd just trip over myself make a mess of the entire meeting. Plus, if I go meet you fully expecting you to look like this picture, I couldn't possibly be disappointed even if you had one thick long brow across your head instead of two and a pair of crazy eyes. Get it? On the other hand, if you are fat and ugly and looked like the above.......well......at least you told me the truth, and there's no nasty surprise for me, and I'd already have my 'its-what's-on-the-inside-that-matters' speech fully memorized. :p Similarly, you should fully expect me to show up looking like the above picture, albeit in a bit more updated looking sweater, and just for you honey, I'll even comb my hair!

2. Lets keep the first meet agenda light and casual. Neither party should really be expecting anything more than a simple meet and chat to get an overall feel of the other person. You can go home and slowly decide what you think of me vice versa. Light and casual also means that either one can conveniently cut the meeting short if its not to their liking. For instance, I might not like the fact that you actually DO look like quasimodo and will suddenly have another appointment to catch. You on the other hand might find me as interesting as a newly installed toilet seat, and suddenly remembered that you needed to buy some sanitary pads before end of the day. I promise I will ask no more. No hard feelings right?

3. Come as yourself. Conventional wisdom would dictate that you put your best foot forward. But really, just come as who you are. If you are the girl next door, jeans and blouse type, that's fine. If you are the leather bound, whip cracking dominatrix type... well.... at least keep the whip at home ok. ;) If you are loud and chatty, be loud and chatty. If you are shy and quiet, be shy and quiet. If you are crazy and obnoxious..... well, try not to chase when I start running ok. lol. Its a major turn off when someone puts on an air to try to seem cooler than they really are.. and trust me, yes, you can tell when someone is putting on airs. A woman is prettiest when she smiles, and sexiest, when she is being her natural self..Remember that ok. Plus, the purpose of the whole meet is to get to know one another, not show how great we are. Express, not impress.

So, 3 small conditions. You think we can follow this little rules of engagement?

Cheers.

To shave or not to shave

"I need a shave..." I thought to myself.

I had not had the time on the weekend to do it. I would have preferred lazying around, watching a movie or having dinner with some friends, but unfortunately for me, I had just spent the entire weekend under the scorching hot sun, attending to work in the middle of a chemical plant up north of the region. On top of looking a bit scruffy with my overgrown beard, my face and neck were red from the sunburn; I had forgotten all about packing a shaver and sun block when going.

When I did finally make my way back to civilization in KL, there was a surprise waiting for me. My other half had, in all the free time that I was away, shaved her pubic hair. "What do you think? How does it look?" she asks... "Nice of course!" came my reply.... Remember this folks, whether her pussy looks bare like the sahara desert or the Amazon jungle... save yourself the witty remarks... the answer should always be "Yes, it looks nice." (And since we are on that, remember also that the answer is always "NO, you don't look fat it that dress" for that other question). For the record, I wasn't lying. It DID look all nice, neat and delicious. In fact, it kinda turned me on, despite being all exhausted, sun burned and tired. I felt like just sitting her up on the counter and eater her pussy out there and then.... but WAIT.... there was a trick up her sleeve!

"Do YOU want to try it?" she cheekily asks..

"TRY it? I want to have it now!" I said... thinking of licking her pussy.

"NO.... I mean, do you want to try shaving clean also?".... she said

"........What? You mean, bare skin shaved like that? What for?"... I asked in surpised.

"Ya, come la! It will be fun! I did it, now so should you!" she replied all excited and girly.... and with a seductive smile flashing at me she says "I'll make sure you are well rewarded...".. and gives me this naughty wink......

Shucks......

Men are such suckers... I AM such a sucker. I never know how to say NO to women... especially when they're all girly, naughty, charming and playful all at the same time. THIS woman in particular constantly has me by the balls, metaphorically and literally. She always knows what to say to get me to agree with her. Sex always does the trick..... If that didn't work, there was always other weapons..The 'manja' approach, the 'tantrum' approach, and of course...the 'cold shoulder'....Between these few, one of it always gets me.

I've never attempted shaving my pubic hair before. Trimming and keeping it neat yes.. But shaving it CLEAN... erm... no. I thought she wanted me to go shave and show her the results... Turns out she wanted to do it FOR me... Hmmm.... How DO you shave all your pubic hair of anyway? Within 10 minutes, she had me lying down on the bed, stark naked. She takes out this funny looking tube of cream, and with a spatula, starts spreading it all over my crotch. Smelt kind of like a hair salon. So THIS is how women shave their legs etc... This funny cream that you apply, leave on and scape off after 10 minutes.

"I think we better put more, and leave it longer, since you have so much hair!" she jests at me...

I give her a half confused half amused laugh. This was way beyond my area of expertise.

10 minutes later, my pubic hair looks all frizzled and loose, and she expertly scapes off all the hair. I look on below with amazement. The hair was coming right off!

"There's still some stubborn hair around and on your balls. I'll get the shaver." she quickly adds.

"What? SHAVER? Balls? No... aaa.. let me.. let me do it.. I'll shave it myself" I blurt out, with a hint of exasperation.

Now, ladies, take note. Please do not feel offended if your male partner refuses to let you hold a shaver / any sharp object anywhere near his genitalia. It's not you. Its us. We get nervous when there are sharp objects around our balls. You heard about Achilles heel? Well, our balls are our heel... or something like that la.. you get the point. We don't like sharp objects near our balls! It's painful! That, plus all the horror stories men tend to remember about angry wives or girlfriends cutting their man's cock / balls off out of revenge. How do I know this is not some elaborate plan of yours to mutilate me because I forgot that yesterday was our anniversary?

So, for the first time in my life, I was delicately stretching my cock with one hand and shaving it with the other.. balls and all while my other half waited less than patiently outside with intermittent shouts of "OK adi or not? So long!"....

"Wait la.. its a lot of hair!"... I shot back.

"Unbelievable" I muttered to myself. Referring to the things we men do for women. We open doors for them, we pay for dinner bills, we give in during arguments, we fix their car for them and now it seems... we even shave our balls for them. If I remember correctly, I kept my pubic hair grooming to a minimum at HER insistence some time ago. She liked the pubic hair that formed just below my navel and all around my crotch... and she specifically forbid me from shaving or trimming down the hair there. "Very man..." she said to me... and with that 2 words.. I obliged.. You see what I mean.. we are all suckers for women.

I've never had delicate fingers. Rather clumsy actually. But through some super human effort, I managed to delicately shave my balls and crotch clean. Pleased with my handiwork.. I walk out the toilet door to parade my 'new look' manhood.

"So, do you like it? What do you think of it?".... she ask in excitement.

Now, I've always had a dry sense of humour. Sometimes, I say things rather candidly, and not always to good ends...

"It looks ok. Kinda like a porn star really...... Mmmmm...... kinda also looks like a baby elephant also. Remember Dumbo?" I replied without thinking while pulling the scrotum to the side like elephant ears.

OH BROTHER. Wrong thing to say! But too late...... she couldn't stop laught for the next 5 minutes. I was laughing too.. but also kicking myself for making such a stupid remark. I mean, I had no qualms about laughing at myself... I've never believed in taking myself too seriously... But this one really takes cake. This was my MANHOOD I was jesting about. DUMBO?....... Bloody hell, what have I done? How is she ever going to find me sexy ever again? Lol.... Oh well.. but then again, I did read somewhere that women prefer men with a sense of humour.. even if it is a bit off key.

So after mercifully containing her laughter, she quiet down, making a good examination of my genitals like only a nurse could. 2 balls in tact? Check. 1 penis unbroken? Check. Scrotum? Minor cuts.. but check. With a cheeky grin, she goes down on me and starts giving me a blowjob..... taking me deep into her mouth now that there was no hair to bother her.

I of course, put my hands behind my head, closed my eyes... and enjoyed the fruits of my labour..... Damn, I love blowjobs. ;)

Over the next few days, I just started to wonder.. Do women prefer men to be hairy or hairless? Do they prefer men to have fully shaved & groomed pubic hair? Perhaps a little trimming is enough? Or maybe some find a big amazonian bush around the crotch 'very man'... like my other half does? What about facial hair? Beard? Mustache? Do women actually find these body hair attractive on men? Some female friends of mine insist that men should always be clean shaven, others seem to think the hairier the better....

Half way through my day, I get a text from my other half.. She was still laughing to herself the next day, remembering my 'dumbo' remark..... Sigh. Years and years of trying to build up my sex appeal.. shattered in a day. I'll be more careful the next time I think I need a shave... and a bit more careful with my cute remarks.

Cheers.