The Myth of The Fuck Buddy

I'm starting to realize that gay men have this very uncanny ability to search each other out. For all the talk about gay men being the discreet minority... it seems awfully easy for a gay man to hook up with other gay men should he want to.

One gay friend of mine met his current partner online and he flew in all the way from the US just to be with him here in Malaysia. Of course we all know that the internet has been one of the most useful tools for gay men to look up discreetly... gay website, chatrooms etc. But that's not the only avenue. There are plenty of well known gay bars in KL, even in conservative Malaysia. Step into one of these, and you can be sure to find yourself a swamp of potential fuck buddies / partner.

Which gets me somewhat pissed off really.

Why is it that it's easier for discreet, minority, homosexual men to hook up than it is for majority, heterosexual men? You'd think that since there is such an overwhelming majority of horny, hetereosexual men and women around, it's be easier. But it's not. Not in this part of the world anyway.

Imagine a gay man. He's horny that night and is looking to hook up. He walks into a gay bar.There are dozens of other gay men around. The premise is simple; a bar where everyone has a common sexuality and a common interest in mind, sex. There's no two ways about it. They are all there because they like fucking other men. Since fucking each other is the common denominator here, steering a conversation from small talk to sex is unsurprising at all.

Now imagine a straight man. He's horny that night and is looking to hook up. He walks into a straight bar. There are dozens of women around. But things are far from simple. You don't know who's there with someone, who's alone, who's just having a night out with the girls, who's just there to dance and drink and who's looking to hook up. You are left to go with the flow and see what happens. You could go to a dodgier bar where there are women to pick up.. but they often turn out to just be prostitutes.

Maybe it's just me and my inexperience, but I think the idea of one night stands and fuck buddies have been over glamorized over in this part of the world. I suspect that most (if not all) women here are essentially one partner sexual beings. One night stands do happen maybe, but I'm starting to believe that the concept of a fuck buddy is in fact a myth over here. I don't think straight men and women hook up with each other to be fuck buddies as easily as gay men do. There are more avenues (virtual & physical) for gay men to hook up than there are for heterosexual men and women. - which is ironic considering it is gay men who are supposedly hiding in closets.

I know that the idea of a fuck buddy captures the imagination (and lust) of a lot of men and maybe a few women. The idea of wonton sexual pleasure with someone with no strings attached remains a very delicious proposition. Even for me, I find it hard to stop obsessing about it despite being very close to considering it as impossible. The lust overcomes and ever pushes you to deeper, darker places of secret pleasure in your mind.

For the most part, I'm suspect that the fuck buddy is a fantasy men have conjured up for himself. He believes that there are women out there who would see sex the way he does. But majority women aren't wired like that. Sex and emotional attachment come together. Sex is exclusive with the one she chooses. She'd go so far as to tease you with her blog, show you explicit photos of her body and write raunchy post about her sexual acts.... but she is still in essence, a one-man-one-woman person. She will not be your fuck buddy.

Either that, or I've been looking in all the wrong places.....