A lover that never was.......

I hardly have dreams... but I had one... a few nights ago.

I suppose its really nothing interesting to write about, except that in this one, someone unexpected made an appearance. An old crush.... More like... an old infatuation really. The first girl I ever fell head over hells over with. The first girl I plucked up the courage to try and call and make small talk with, the first girl that somehow, broke my heart despite the fact that nothing ever happened between us.

I was in some bizarre hall, with some completely random bunch of people, watching a performance on stage. My girlfriend was there, sitting in the back. I was floating around the room, talking to people here and there. I remembered everything immediately right after I woke up, but I guess with all dreams, you forget most parts as the day gets going. But one part, the most significant part of that dream, stayed with me. It's almost like the whole scene got imbued in my mind, become a memory. Only... it never really happened at all.

I sat at empty row of chairs, watching some sort of singing on stage, and then to my left, I realized... that she was there sitting next to me, exactly the way I remembered her...

******************************

Heart shaped face, almond shaped hazel eyes, long smooth hair, soft voice. The same face I admired for so many years as I was growing up.... but always, from afar. Even now, so many many years later, the thought of her somehow still evokes strong emotions in me. We were in the same school, in the same class for seven years, and even attended the same private tuition together for a while. I used to steal glances at her from the other side of the classroom. To me, she was the most beautiful girl I'd ever laid eyes on. I'm pretty sure she wasn't perfect, but it sure felt that way to me at the time. On days that she noticed me, or talked to me, I would feel elated. On days that she was absent or sick, I would feel down and blue. Everyone used to tease and guess that I had a major crush on her. I denied everything till the end, something I came to regret later. I should have done something... but I guess at the time, I didn't know what people meant by fighting for your love. But I was also afraid. Because somewhere deep down, I didn't think she liked me the way I liked her. She WAS one of the prettiest girls in school... she had plenty of suitors. I didn't want to be just like everyone else. That's why I never admitted my feelings to anyone.

I was too shy to try and court her openly. It took me 3 and a half years before I plucked up the courage to call her to chat on the phone, and despite the language barrier, she somehow responded to my calls. When I called, she would into her room, making sure there was no one around before we continued talking. That tiny little fact was enough to make me shoot to the moon. She wanted to talk to me, ALONE.......

I think she knew how I felt about her. I somehow believe that women always know when a man is fond of them. I'd go tongue tied around her. I'd hardly even dare look her in the eyes when I first saw her. Just the thought that she knew and acknowledged that I existed gave me butterflies. I thought about her day and night....... Have you ever fell so hard for someone like that before?

I kept the phone calls secret from everyone else. I don't know if she ever told anyone. But despite it going seemingly well.. I stopped. I stopped calling.

I had heard from someone close to me, that she had said she could never like 'a guy like me'.... I didn't know what 'a guy like me' meant. But whatever it was, she didn't fancy it. A guy like me? What kind of guy am I? Too fat? Too boring? Too plain? Too nice? Too............. ordinary? I admitted it ... I AM an ordinary guy. There is NOTHING special about me. I felt like my whole world was crashing down on me. She just validated my insecurities. A girl like her, beautiful, admired by men, envied by women.... could never like, love or even consider............ a guy like me. I think till this day, I still carry that sense of insecurity. I still feel like 'a guy like me' could never be appealing to women, especially beautiful women, who could have their pick of men. I still feel like 'a guy like me' falls short of other more good looking, capable, suave, macho, fashion savvy, rugged and charming men.


I told myself I should stop liking her. I told myself I should start hating her. I told myself I deserved someone else.. someone who could appreciate me for who I was. I didn't want to like someone who didn't like me. And so I stopped calling her. I couldn't bare talking to her anymore after hearing what she allegedly said. And she never asked why. I could stop the calls... But I couldn't stop the feelings inside. Despite trying to hard, I couldn't bring myself to stop liking her. I couldn't bring myself to stop feeling the way I felt about her. I knew I deserved someone who would appreciate me and liked me back... but all I wanted was for HER to appreciate me. And so, I continued admiring her from a far, continued thinking of her... even with a wounded heart, even when it hurt so bad. I never dared seeking out the truth in those words I heard too because.................................I was too afraid that it would turn out to be true. It was easier to think that I called it off than to find out that I never really stood a chance. 

Maybe this was why I started ignoring beautiful women on the surface. Maybe I want revenge for what she did / didn't do. Or maybe I'm afraid of falling for them and discovering that they could never like a guy like me again, repeating my whole nightmare.



On the last days of school, as we graduated.... I took one last look at her.... from a far... like how I did all these years. And though I had deeply admired her for so many years, I gave up long before anything could ever start. I remember gazing at her and thinking to myself that this IS the last time I'll ever get to set my eyes upon her like this again. I knew that this was the end of it. She was the lover that never was...  She'll never know... how strongly I felt about her... She'll never know... how my heart ached for her all those years.... she'll never know... that I adored her much more deeply that all those other men, who were only interested in her looks, and her body. 7 long years I admired her from afar. I regretted not being more of a man. Those were the last days I had any sort of her presence in my life....

******************************

And suddenly, here she was again, sitting next to me, in my dreams. And the feelings were the same. Looking at her still gave me butterflies.. and she was still as beautiful as ever. I looked at her speechless.



She reached out and held my hand...... and I stared at her soft skin and cheeks... numb. 


She opened her mouth and said to me "Go out with me.. just for a month. Treat me the way you would if I were your girlfriend. I just want to know, how it feels like... being with you. I'll be gone from your life after that.... I just want to know......" 

Numb


"but.... I have a girlfriend... and she's right at the back... and.... and...." I stuttered.



"And.... I dont care...." she said. 


I looked back at her, looked down at our touching hands.


"So this is how it feels like to hold her hand..." I thought as the emotions started to swell up. For so long..... for so long I stood by......



Maybe the thought / dream of it was too much for me.......... jolted out of my sleep. 

It felt so real.
It felt like I finally did hold her hand.
It felt like I finally did have her heart.  

Why? Why was she suddenly haunting me now in my dreams? There have been very few significant women in my life. She was the first one ever to sweep my off my feet in such a spectacular way, despite doing nothing. And despite not being anything more than just friends with her, somehow, I had reserved spot for her in my heart knowing fully well that the place will never be taken up. It remains there empty. Only a few women have ever completely swept me off my feet..... she was the first one. The second one, was blissfully sleeping by my side, unaware that I was awake. Would there be third one? But perhaps in memory of how she made me feel, I have been reluctant to totally erase this girl from my mind. Maybe that's why I dreamt of her... she's still there somewhere in my heart.... a shard from the past refusing to be erased; my first feelings of infatuation, obsession, heartbreak, hurt, fear. She stole my heart, kept it for years and she broke it into pieces... not knowing she ever had it in the first place. The lover that never was...... 


Sigh...........Why couldn't I just have dreamt of naked women on the beach or something.....




 

I'll miss you....

The radio was playing gently, as I navigated my way through traffic. We were coming home from dinner.

The countdown had started almost a month ago, when she first got the news confirmed. I was so excited when I heard the news. "Oh my god, you got it! You got it! Exactly the way you have hoped for!" I said to her with excitement. I guess the euphoria of it all was still in the air.. and I was just conveniently shoving aside the implications of it all. It was what she wanted. It was what she had been aiming for. And it was what, I was supporting her in.

She was going away.

But tonight, I felt the looming arrival of that date.. the date she will be going away. As the weeks passed, the feeling of euphoria had slowly turned into one of a somewhat detached feeling of pending sadness, uncertainty... and mostly fear.

"A lot of things can happen in a year..." one nay sayer told us.

"You're putting your relationship at risk..." another said.

"Money isn't everything..... " came one more answer.
"Men shouldn't be trusted......" that was the worst.

Were they right? Is what's about to happen really that big a deal? Am I doing the right thing? Am I risking unnecessarily? What if something DOES happen in this one year? A part of me is fearful of what they say... because in some ways, maybe it's true. Maybe men CAN'T be trusted. And me being a man myself...... like I said, I wouldn't trust myself. If temptation came, if opportunity arise..... could I resist? will I resist? I shrug the thought aside... knowing fully well what the answer was.

Another part of me stares at these nay sayers in defiance. I believe in the foundation of what we've been building all these years. It'll take more than a year of being physically apart to tear down what we've been building for seven years. At least, that's what I've been telling people. I've been dragged down that road before.. that road of temptation.. and I've emerged from it.. victorious... many a times. I knew I could resist it, so long as the will to resist was there...

But even the strongest of hearts falter sometimes. And I did. I faltered. The one and only time I even did falter. And it was........... in her absence.

I reached out, and switched off the radio. I reached out for for her hand, and she grabbed mine gently. Our hands clasping in that familiar way.. and I held it, not wanting to let go. I remembered when we used to drive my first car, it was a manual car. I had to let go of her hand everytime I had to change gears. She would smack my hand and ask me to pay attention to the road when I tried grabbing her hand or rubbing her thighs. She would feign protest, and threaten to tell everyone how cheeky a guy I really was, but she would always let me hold her hand. Now that I drove an auto transmission car, I never had to let her go of her hand at all.

A part of me now didn't want to let her go away. Maybe that was why I was holding her hand again, all of a sudden. Months and months of encouraging and supporting. Months and months of reassuring her and everyone else that it was ok, I found myself unsure about myself. I was sad... I was confused... but mostly... I was scared. Scared of myself......................

A red light blinks, and I bring the car to a halt. I let go of her hand, and brushed her thighs again. I turn to look at her.

"You know I'll miss you right..................." I said.

There is a pause as she looks at me in the eye, as if she could tell that despite all looks an appearances, there was more in between the lines in that sentence. She knew I was never the type to start getting emotional so easily. I think it was the pauses and silence in between that she was reading. In some ways, I'm sure she knew that for one emotion I was revealing, there were so many others I was hiding, just to put up a brave face to make her departure easier. 

I looked back into her eyes. And I knew that it only took one word from me. One utterance from me, and she'd cancel the whole damn thing and stay, because I asked her to. She had told this to me, and I knew it was true. But she also knew.......... that I would never do that. I have loved, encouraged, supported, argued, debated, fussed and fought with her... But she knew I'd never order her. I knew that she freely gave me a big say in a lot of the things she did. I knew she'd listen to what I say. But  I loved her too much to try to take away her individuality.

"I'll miss you too... " she replied.

I look to the front as the light turns green and the cars start moving again. The silence continues as I gently stroked the back of her palm.

"You don't like that la......... Make me feel so....... " as she pulls her hands to her chest and rest them on her heart.

I got the message. There was a reason I avoid getting overly emotional with her in critical times. I don't think she could handle the sight of me completely breaking down emotionally. It has always been her the emotional one, I the level headed one. She the over reacting one, me the voice of reason. I knew I had to be the stronger one emotionally. I knew even if it was just a front.... I had to be the braver one, for her sake.

I look at her and smile... "No la.. just saying only.... " in a considerably more lighthearted tone.. "after all, who am I going to ham sap with while you're gone? Unless you don't mind la, I go look for my mistress.... "

"Hmmphh!!!" she says as she crosses her arms..

"Don't you know? She's only the second prettiest girl after you..." I reply. 

"And who would that be?".....

"Andrea Fonseka...." I said.

"You aarrrr.... So yam! So ham sap.. forever with your Andrea Fonseka... Go marry her la u..." she starts ranting away, fully aware of my open adoration for the former beauty queen, one of the very few celebrities I actually like.

"Not marry la.. Mistress only. " I shoot back.

"People don't want you also la.... " she says back.

There will be plenty of time to think of those things again... but right now, I had to enjoy moments I was living right now. I smile a big cheeky smile at her again... and she pulls my ear in jest, and she forgets all about the vulnerable moment we had earlier. I turn up the radio again and speed down the road.... burying those thoughts for a while longer.

The Lady in Red...

The doors open, and I breath out a heavy sigh..

"Damn, I guess this comes with being in a big city" I think to myself. I've never had much tolerance for crowds. I detest crowds. I try avoiding them like they were a disease. Earlier, I had order my lunch to go and sat in the park and ate by the grass, rather than sit in the stuffy, overcrowded Kopitiam. It was nice.. The grass was clean, the weather was cool. I was wondering why I seemed like the only one doing this; eating in the lawn, by the grass.

But there was no avoiding this; the MRT. My fastest and surest way home. I stepped in, and try finding myself a spot to stand, and pretend I'm not aware of the hundred other people around me. Most have their ears connected to their mp3 players. I supposed I'd do the same to if I were doing this all the time. I had a book in my hand. The Five People You Meet In Heaven by Mitch Albom.

I was adamant in ignoring every one and get on with my reading. Deeply engrossed in my reading, I didn't bother looking if the person next to me was hot babe or a Bangladeshi. But then I spotted her, from the corner of my eye..... the lady in red, just 2 feet away.

I've never been the type to ogle at women much. Like I said before, some messed up thing in my brain keeps telling me to not stare too much at them BECAUSE they are pretty. Something like my internal little Mahatma Gandhi passive resistance movement. Only, I wasn't fighting the British, I was fighting against giving them the satisfaction of yet another guy lustfully gazing at them. But this girl, made me boot Gandhi out for a while, if you follow me. I quickly did a second take... Damn, she's pretty. Not to mention oh-so-stylish. Long straight hair, with streaks of blood red highlight. Wearing dark brown shades but behind the glasses, I could see perfectly shaped eye brows, not too thick, not too thin. A tube top with floral patters sewn in and her jeans a dark navy blue, with red linings on the pocket. High heeled shoes with red, matching again the red toenails and fingernails.

"Red..."I thought to myself, " the colour of boldness......the colour of seduction.... " Maybe with men, red is just another colour, but not to women. It means SOMETHING when a woman wears red. It's a signal. Feisty, sexy, bold, confident, daring, wild.... this woman in red stirred my imagination.

"I wonder how she's like in bed? A real tigress I bet. Damn, I wonder if underneath....." I cut myself short. Naughty naughty me.. get back to your book your horny little bugger. This ain't a place to start getting ideas.

More people come in and out of the train.. and we shuffle places. I'm holding on to a pole... and as luck would have it, she ended up standing right next to me, holding the same pole. I ignore her, just reading my book. Of course, I wasn't REALLY ignoring her. The trains were getting really jammed, and I could see she was being pushed.

Pushed to the point that we had to squeeze... and our arms started rubbing each other. Her skin was so soft to the touch! I could smell the perfume this close. Damn it.. the scent of a woman always gets to me. It's one of those things I'm incapable of resisting. Of course, I was still face down, putting on my stupid show of supposed reading.

The train moved station to station.. and eventually got a bit emptier. Usually, in the availability of space, people spread out and take up more space for themselves. But she didn't. She continued standing there, brushing skin with me. Hell, if she wasn't moving, I sure wasn't going to too! Hahaha... Or maybe I was reading too much into the whole freaking thing. I had been away almost the entire week... and by this time, I was actually feeling rather horny. I keep trying prevent myself from remembering that I seriously need to get laid.

Her station was next, and as the doors open... she flicked her hair, and made her way out of the train. I caught one last scent of her perfume and watched as she swayed her hips and walked confidently and sexily out of sight.

"What a masterpiece..... the lady in red.." I muttered under my breath.

I put my book away and started to think to myself. Hot sexy women squeezing in with you on daily basis, maybe living in a crowded city like this does have its perks after all.

Balls, Chimps & Fuck buddies....

One wife just ain't enough

Don't ask me why our local newspapers seem to be constantly reporting weird sex-related stories from our southern neighbour Singapore. This being the most recent one, about a taxi driver marrying 3 different women, one local Singaporean, one mainland Chinese and the last one Filipina. He's line of defense? He loved all three of them! Public outcry and hoo-haa because we're supposed to be a monogamous society.

Thank got me thinking. Are we monogamous or polygamous, or bigamous..whateverelse-gamous lot? I couldn't gather a bunch of guys fast enough to answer this question, so I started looking at our closes relatives, the monkeys and other primates instead. I mean, minus the fur and the tail, most men tend to behave like monkeys anyway

I found out that some primates, such as Gorillas are polygamous... meaning the alpha male basically screws all the female he can conquer while the rest of the lower ranking minions are left to jack themselves (or each other) off. The alpha male is the biggest, strongest, bad ass there is in the group, and as such, all the female monkeys with all their sophistication and high standards, will only be willing to be screwed by this baddy

Other species such as Chimpanzees are more promiscuous in their mating system. The males screw any and all females. and the females screw any and all the males they want. I believe you call that polyandrous. Cool eh? The only problem chimps will have is that they have to constantly be mating in order to keep their bloodline. But that's like having too much money to spend. Its a problem, but it's a GOOD problem. Anyone who complains of such things needs to get their ass kicked. I finally understand why scientist have been saying all these years that chimps are the most intelligent mammals next to us. They aren't just clever, they're freaking geniuses! Chimps... the original swingers. 

Here's where it gets interesting. Researches have found out, that the answer to my question, lies..... IN THE BALLS... literally. Your balls guys, start cupping them. See in polygamous species such as gorillas, have small balls. Because the way it works is, since the alpha male has defeated all other males and now owns all the females, his sperm isn't in contest. He can screw them as and when he likes, at his leisure. Thus, his balls aren't well developed. Polyandrous species such as chimps on the other hand, have huge balls, because they don't fight each other over the women. Everyone screws everyone else. The battle is a statistical one; the more often you screw, the higher the chance you are the dad of half the next generation of chimps, thus the need for huge balls, to produce more sperm. I guess it ain't easy being a chimp either. But doesn't that sound so much more developed (not to mention fun) than say, just physically bashing up other males and taking the women?

So you see, the conclusion is, Gorillas are stronger and mightier, but damn crude la. Chimps are more sophisticated, and have the bigger balls... Don't you just love biology?  (I wonder why they never taught this to us in biology back in school. LOL..... )

So back to us Homo Sapiens...

Unfortunately ladies, I can't tell you if the men in this region have big balls or small balls, because quite frankly, I haven't seen that many sets of balls, beyond the kind that's MEANT to be kicked and dribbled with. If you have kicked and dribbled any other kinds of balls, kindly refrain from doing so in the future.... we too would like to have kids some day. The only balls I'm intimately familiar with are my own, but its size is a secret YOU'll never know! ;-)

But it seems from comparison, humans have 'medium' sized balls. To quote a line from the article:

Humans, which have a socially monogamous mating system, accompanied by moderate amounts of sexual non-monogamy, have moderately sized testes

So in layman terms, we are in between the gorillas and the chimps. That means, part of us will always ever be fighting for position to be alpha male, jostling and shoving other men aside to 'own' as many women as we can. Winner takes all. Losers are left high and dry. The other part of us are just like the chimps. I screw your wife, you screw mine. We all get drunk Saturday night and do a sex orgy, everyone's happy, everyone's satisfied. May the man with the biggest balls be called dad. I'm suddenly more fond of chimpanzees than I have ever been.

Here's the article I was reading.

To tell you the truth, I'm more inclined to think we are more like chimpanzees, or at least I am. Sexually, I mean. (No, I'm not trying to hint at the size of my balls). Our society advocates social monogamy, and along with it, sexual monogamy. Social monogamy means that you make living arrangements, spend your money and live your day to day life with one partner. Sexual monogamy means that you only have sex with one partner at any one given time. But only 3~5% of mammals are sexually monogamous! And I tell you, those intelligent chimps aren't part of that 5%!

In a way, it explains why despite being perfectly happy in a relationship with a good sex life, my eyes still stray, and my mind lingers upon other women or why I am still having this obsession of having a fuck buddy. Turns out it's because I'm a freaking warm blooded mammal, with medium sized balls! Social monogamy aside, sexual monogamy is something perhaps we are all in-built to struggle with. Maybe that's why both women and men have lusty desires or sexual thoughts of other people other than their partner. At the most primal level, our animal instinct still calls out to us. An instinct that does not acknowledge social boundaries, accepted norms or predetermined practices of society. An instinct that only seeks to answer one call; the call to mate. I'm suddenly starting to love biology again.

I'm not trying to justify wanting to screw around. Wait, what am I talking about? I AM trying to justify screwing around!! Haha.... 

So unless you are a cold blooded reptile of a man, with really really tiny balls, don't tell me I'm wrong in looking for a fuck buddy!

Cheers.

Hello Mrs Jones again

Well, I've changed my blog song again.. back to the old one. Lyrics are more befitting this blog anyway.. gosh, it's almost like my theme song for this blog.. Haha...

Tell me if it's starting to hurt you ears...

Seeing Singapore...through my squinty eyes

The thing I've always liked about traveling to a new place is that you see the same things as the locals do, but with fresh eyes. The very same things the people of the land find normal, you find unique. Whenever I get the chance to be in a foreign land, be in another country or another state, I enjoy picking up bits and pieces of what makes that place different. Here's are some small little observations I've made of Singapore... just as I travel around the city:

#1 There's a Merc, BMW or Lexus in every corner

Unlike in other cities where the luxury vehicles are mainly seen in the city centre, Sg seems to have these evenly peppered around the island, unless I keep seeing the same car over and over again! On one hand, I think it's a testimony to the wealth of the country and it's people. On the other, I think it's almost like a mandatory thing for them to have so not to loose face to their neighbours... you know la... the old (dare I say it?).... kiasu behaviour.

#2 Not an inch of free parking space!! WTF?!

I usually drive into Sg... and to my great surprise & amusement.. there is HARDLY A SPOT you can park your car without having to pay. You either pay by cash card or old school style via coupons. Oh, and here, everyone reverse parks.. except those freaking Malaysia car drivers who never obey the laws of the land. :p Back home, you pretty much park your car anywhere you want as long as you're sure you won't get scratched or summoned. By the road, over the curb, in between houses, anything goes. Here, every square inch of parking space is chargeable, and I constantly have to hunt for a 7-Eleven just to make sure I have enough coupons or my Autopass/Cashcard has enough money. Which leads me to my next point.

#3 7-Eleven's in every corner!!

I'm used to having a 7-Eleven nearby in KL. It's what one those things I'm so used to having living in cities. Whenever I go to a slightly more rural town, I'm half amused, half horrified when I find out there isn't a 24hour convenient store around. Not that I frequently feel the need to buy things at 2am's, but just in case la..... 7-Eleven's don't just sell condoms, they are LIKE condoms... Better to have them and not need them, than to need them and not have them. Haha... Anyway, Singapore is FILLED with condoms.. I mean... 7-Elevens.... Every nook and cranny, every corner. It's not a bad thing actually...it's just that I was starting to wonder "Do you really NEED so many?" Is carrying 10 condoms with you going to make any safer than carrying say 1?

#4 Buildings & Infrastructure look good

Most buildings in Singapore look reasonably good and well maintained. You get the sense that it's a well oiled, well run place. The schools especially catch my eyes. Fields are nice and green, buildings look modern. Unlike the kind I used to attend n Malaysia... fields are muddy and dirty.. and all schools looked alike; horrid longish rectangular buildings with triangular roofs. It's like they got some chinaman contractor to do one and decide to replicate that nationwide! At least here, each school looks different.

#5 Trees, trees & more trees

One of the most unexpected thing I notice the first time entering Singapore (via second link) was the trees. They really really make it a point to plant as many trees as possible, especially in the residential areas. But I have been told this isn't so much about Singapore trying to be environmental friendly but more of trying to make this tiny island city less daunting to live in. You don't squeeze in almost 5 million people into 660 sq km of space without first thinking of living arrangements. I was told they plant so many trees so that it becomes less obvious that behind that thick bush there is another road, or another tall condominium, or another HDB flat. The trees also soften the cold hard concrete walls of the buildings, give cool shade and take away that feeling like you're living in a concrete jungle. Not bad la these people.....

#6 Women; Urban, well dressed & howt!

On average, I gotta say, Singaporean women are quite a delicious and desirable bunch, that is, if you dig the well dressed, smart, sophisticated working lady. Black seems to be very much the in thing for the working ladies (unlike in shanghai where I observed they preferred a bit floral). Some are more casual, others more chic, some elegant. But in general, most of the women I see look rather presentable.... and sexy. I don't know why, but every I spot a well dressed lady wearing short little skirt, I kept wondering if she was wearing a thong underneath, or anything at all for the matter.. Tsk.. tsk...tsk.... dirty little me.

#7 Cramped shopping malls, eateries, streets, everything!

5 million people. 660sq km of space. Need I say more? I tried having fast food for dinner. It wasn't fast. I had to join a loOOong queue! You queue to take a taxi, you queue to buy dinner, you queue to withdraw money. There's a freaking queue everywhere! Why can't we just jostle and shove each other like normal people? I thought this was a free market! Survival of the fittest? ;P The only place you don't have to queue to get something is probably Geylang.. and it ain't for the food baby... Jokes aside, I do tend to feel a bit claustrophobic of sorts when in Sg. Everywhere you go there's tonnes of people. The need for physical space is often overlooked, but it's something I'm always aware of. I was sitting in Mc'Ds and the tables were so cramped! More cramped than any other Mc'Ds I've tried in other countries. I could hear every word the auntie next to me was saying. Heck, I could even smell her............ fries. My hats off to all you Singaporean sex bloggers who have actually succeeded having sex in a public place. Considering the level of difficulty, you deserve it. I would've gotten caught long before my pale white ass got any sunlight.

#8 Everything looks same same

After a while of driving around and seeing the place, I started to get this feeling of deja vu all the time. Didn't I just pass by this 7-Eleven? Isn't that the same black Merc there again? Is this the same foodcourt? Is this the same school with the nice looking field? These trees look strangely familiar. Get the point? Everything seems to follow some earlier decided format of how things should look. Everyone drives shiny and clean cars. The condos and HDB flats look so alike there's no way of telling. Unlike other places where downtown is rather scruffy looking and dirty, every inch of Singapore seems pruned to the point of being........ sterile. Not that that's necessarily bad la...

#9 Sex blogs and the gutterpost

OK, this isn't exactly Singapore per se.. but virtual Singapore. The thing that has really caught my attention is the sheer amount of sex blogs Singapore has managed to produce. Maybe it just comes with being urbanized and connected to the world. I mean there really is A LOT of people out there more than happy to type of the intimate details of their sex lives.. some mundane, others bordering on insane. Does it have anything to do with living in a highly dense, highly internationalized, but highly conservative society? Has this produced all this virtual voyeurs who are looking a safe way to express their sexuality?

How many of you visit the gutter post? www.gutteruncensored.com. It's this cool little website that compiles all the latest juicy sex related scandals, videos, pictures etc etc on one site. You ain't a porn star (amateur or likewise) until you've been put there. Everything from great Gary Ng to Edison Chen, to that Philippine doctor and countless leak photographs and videos of people having sex has been featured there. Unfortunately, it's been completely blocked in Malaysia. The author explains here in this other website (unless this is blocked too). See, the blog author won't stop posting controversies of certain Malaysian political big wigs and their sons with their pants down and their hands up other women's asses, and so, these powerful ministers just block their whole damn website from everyone in Malaysia. Fucking idiot. What are we now, like China blocking the Internet? Anyway, so only when I'm in Singapore do I get to catch up with the latest gutter post where it is thankfully NOT banned, unless maybe your PM is caught with HIS pants down. But so far so good. So, thank the stars for Singapore!

#10 Invasion of Indians

If you ever work in Jurong Island, you'll see almost 100% of laborers are Indian nationals, more than half of the engineers are Indian nationals. In Geylang, one of the Lorongs are dedicated to Indian prostitutes (don't ask me how I know, I just do). Meaty, Fat, Old, but cheap and they even smell of coconut oil (which I suppose is a turn on for them Indians?) Dedicated to these hard working labourers who travel thousands of miles away from home to build Singapore, these labourers will screw these Indian prostitutes like it was a matter of national pride, and to keep the money in Indian hands. They'd never be caught with their pants down screwing *gasp* a Pakistani or Bangladeshi. :-s If you go to Serangoon Road on a Sunday, you'll see thousands of Indian labourers hanging about, walking the streets, sitting on the fields, and most bizarrely, HOLDING HANDS (Why the hell do they do that anyway?). They form little group outings, to walk the streets and catch up with each other. I was told they are tightly knit, and whenever there is a new addition to the workforce, he is taken out and is introduced and initiated into the group. Inevitable questions will be such as which village the chap is from, and how far it is from theirs, what their father and mother do and how many brothers and sisters they have. Cute.

I'm not being racist. It's just that it looks like formerly predominately Chinese Singapore with its signature la's and meh's is starting to have some curry and masala in the mix. Better start get used to have curry mee instead of your pork noodles!

Anyway, its just my 2 cents worth as a frequent visitor to this country. I think maybe the Singaporean flag should have a cili padi as its symbol. It's small, but it packs a large punch.