Put your phone on Silent!
For a person others call friendly and sociable... my phone sure is so damn quiet.
It can go days on end without a single call from anyone other than my immediate family and loved ones. In face next to my family, the person who calls and talks to me most is my boss! Can you believe that? What am I, his son or something? Damn again.........
I'm starting to suspect I have no life.
Long time ago, I made a choice... when it came to friends... there are only so many people that can make up your life... you can't be friends with everybody... plus not everyone is actually worth getting to know... "Friends are the biggest suckers in your life"... someone said to me... while I don't believe that entirely, there is some truth to it... So I thought "Hey, a few genuine and deep friendships is enough..." I did not and still do not want a broad but shallow circle of friends.
What's the point of knowing many people... and having many people know you..... only to discover that many of them hardly know anything about you? We are all complex beings... and you can spend years of your life getting to know someone and still find new things about them. So I devoted myself to selecting a few choice friends.....people whom I could relate to, people I could talk, debate, reason, argue, console, consult and joke with... but mostly... people whom I think were also genuine towards me. And I can tell you.... genuine-ness in friendships are hard to find. I shied away from the popularity game... of adding as many people as possible on Facebook.... or attending parties with 2 dozen people you couldn't care less about vice versa...
In fact, I did this so well... I suddenly find my phone deafeningly quiet... and discovering that if I did not have a lover, my boss would be the top of my caller list.. DAMN IT..... I REALLY HAVE NO LIFE... Maybe its not so bad... one gives me all the companionship, love and sex I need.... and the other pays me every single cent I have. Maybe that's not a bad thing eh......
So why am I complaining about my phone being quiet? Alone times like this gives me time to sit down, reflect, contemplate and blog, crystallizing all the vague and fuzzy thoughts in my head... Putting them slowly in words, then sentences, then paragraphs and reading them back helps me clear my head (and realize what a buffoon I can be when reading older post)..
A bit of alone time helps with that..
And still, I stare at my silent phone wondering why no one seems to be thinking of me...why no one has given me a call asking how am I or if I'd like to go out for a drink....SHIT... that sounded so needy and whimpy. I guess the truth is this.... regardless of whether we try having a few deep friendships or a broad but shallow group, we all want to feel that we matter to someone other than ourselves. I'd be happy if I earned more money, I'd be happy if I drove a bigger car or bought that latest DSLR i've been drooling after....but only while the euphoria lasted, then there would be emptiness again.
But I would be truly happy deep down into the deepest pits of my heart, if I received a simple call / text from someone with a simple "Hello, how are you? Been thinking of you. Havent seen you in a while Lets do lunch?" That to me, is priceless...
It does happen... but I guess not as often as I'd hope for...
2 comments:
the word friendship has been taken so out of context that people have such a negative, pessimistic view to it these days. almost everyone believes that you can only trust a few people, only have a few close friends. those who are friends for hidden motives and to use you are the 'fake friends'.
whatever one believes... it's not the size of one's social circle that will bring happiness and fulfillment... what we all crave as human beings is connection. sometimes we find that with one person. sometimes we find that with a big group of people who share something in common. but we can have a partner or be in a big group and still feel alone and empty if we do not find that connection there.
connection. it can be the slightest touch, a long heartfelt conversation over coffee, a spontaneous, genuine smile from a stranger, an introduction or a simple 'hi' that really means "i'd like to get to know you better". we want to know and be known. and not just by our names and where we come from or what we do for a living... but for the sound of our voices. the trademark phrases we use. our facial expressions. the way we talk. our accents. the little quirks and oddities that make us who we are. we're wired for connection... that's what makes us human. =)
btw check this out, it's interesting reading: http://www.soulpancake.com/view_post/297250/there-is-no-better-time-to-say-hello.html
I don't mean to hv such a negative outlook on friendship, but there are ppl who smile to your face but curse u in the back. Wolf under sheeps clothing who swear they only have your interest at heart. They may not have 'hidden agendas' in befriending you, but the fact that they are insincere is enough to leave you completely vulnerable.
Interesting article... Can see a bit of it echoed in your own writings. I guess in that sense, we all crave for connection with others around us.
What you say, about getting to know intimate details like trademark phrases, quirky facial expressions & odd behaviours usually only come when you know a person a good while. I've always been more towards a more 1 to 1 approach. I enjoy listening & getting to know someone personally rather than in groups. Sure, its more fun when you have a big dinner together, have road trips to somewhere. But if you were really someone I thought is worth knowing.. I would invite you, and only you.. out for a chat.
It is to me, the best way for us to see each other, as we are, in our own right. You aren't my friends friend, you aren't my housemate, you aren't my college mate. This is you, and this is me and here we are, making an exciting new connection. We can be called buddies, friends, god brothers and sisters, heng tai chi mui or whatever it doesn't matter... but like you said.. at least we now have a connection.
Post a Comment