Thursday, June 18, 2009

Truth be told....

Truth be told....

I did think of cheating, plenty of times.
I always felt you were emotionally selfish
I sometimes wish I was with someone else
I sometimes wish I wasn't with anyone at all
I feel you don't always care
I do think you are fat
I think you need me more than I need you

Truth be told....

I did and still do have the hots for you
I lust for you
I think you don't know me one bit
I don't think you give a damn about me
I though we were friends
I think you aren't worth my time anymore

Truth be told....

I once considered you my best friend
I once believed you knew how to appreciate people
I think you are a damn jerk
I think you are manipulative and selfish
I think that last one was the last favour I'm ever doing for you

Truth be told....

I have lost my respect for you
I think you brought all this unto yourself
I think you were just too damn horny for your own good
I think you are selfish and irresponsible
I think you don't really care
I think you are tragically lost and foolish

Truth be told....

I think you are so fat you should be ashamed
I think you should stop dreaming of grandeur
I think you should start getting real about your job
I think you are lucky you found her
I am still too damn proud to say I love you

Truth be told....

I don't know what to do about you
I know you love me more
I am still haunted by that nightmare of you dying
I still melt everytime you call my name
I hate myself for not doing more for you

Truth be told.....

I wish I never had to come back
I wish I wasn't so damn level headed for once
I wish I really had God in my life
I wish I could stop wanting the things I cannot have

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Adventures in Geylang

I used to stay in Geylang alot...

For the uninitiated, Geylang is the red light district of Singapore. Other than being famous for its wide variety of foods, its also famous for all the hookers lining up the streets.

My work has taken me to quite some places around the world... Last year I went to Europe twice, and this weekend, I will be going to Shanghai for a week. But the place I have been to the most overseas is Singapore (if you consider Singapore overseas that is)

Don't ask me why, and don't ask me how, but when I first joined, and first went to Singapore, my colleagues and I would always stay in the Geylang hotels. Partially because we sometimes had to drive down to Singapore at a moments notice and there weren't any hotels, partially because it was the most affordable and cheapest place to stay in Singapore... but mostly because my colleagues just loved having a quick fuck available outside your doorstep.

If I may indulge you....Geylang road itsels is long, and branches into almost 20 over alleys or 'lorong'... each dedicated to a different type of hooker... have your pick.. there's an alley for indian and bangladeshis (read FAT AND UGLY), theres an alley for Thais, Chinese and even an alley for transvestites (To each his own I guess). Interestingly enough, though they did look a bit 'frankenstein-nish', these ah kua's actually dressed better and looked sexier than many of the other hookers. Chinese hookers are the most flirtations and expensive, but useless in bed (couldn't give a good blowjob to save their life), Bangladeshis and Indians were the cheapest, but their best stunt is lying down and spreading their legs... rest is self service... plus you'd have to really dig old and fat women to enjoy yourself (but hey, to each his own again) while the Thais are considered reasonably priced and skilled in bed... best value for money. I can tell you all of this of course, not by experience (honest OK), but by the orientation tour given to me by my colleague in my first week there... haha...Before dinner, I was brought to tour around each alley, and after that we just lean against the wall, checking out the chicks and looking at hookers.

I didn't like hanging around looking like some Chinaman looking for a cheap fuck (which I think I did), but worst of all, we were hangin around at the indian alley. Being indians themselve, it was fine for them.. But man, I looked like a bloody china man looking for a fat indian aunty to screw... haha....

If you want an acid test in abstenence, come stay in Geylang. For the first few stays, I stayed clear of course. But after a while, and after prolonged deprevation of good supply of sex back home.. I was seriously starting to get horny.. Wanking off just didn't seem to cut it. I needed a long, slow and seductive blowjob... I needed fondling the soft and delicate breast of a full grown woman, and a hot & wet pussy to pound on till I reached ecstacy. 500 miles away from home, pocket full of cash, feeling horny and 500 women standing outside ready to do you bidding... what was I to do? Should have been a no brainer really..

But here's the thing.. I wont pretend I'm an angel, and I won't pretend I'm morally upright either. As much as I believe in God, as much as I believe in being loyal and truthfull to your partner, I am far from perfect. I think my biggest sin is lust.. I lust too much for things I should not and cannot have. I lust for the body of other women, constantly. I scheme and plot about how to convince my partner that we should become swinggers, I day dream about how hot it would be if my partner was bi-sexual so that we could do a threesome and I go online searching in vein for a fuck buddy for 'discreet adult fun'...... Yes, I'm messed up, I know.

But even I draw the line somewhere at some things. Up until that moment, the line was prostitutes. It felt so cheap to just pay for sex. Plus, sex should be for giving life, and leisure only. Paying for it made it almost a chore. But mostly, I didn't want to expose myself to STDs. Its one thing for me to have my fun on the side. Its a whole different thing if I brought home an STD to my unsuspecting partner. I knew that in a night, a prositutute would have at least 2 to 3 customers. Times that with the days in a year.. and you'll know how many cocks have preceeded you. Its one thing to want to de-flower a virgin.. watch enough star trek and even you would want to 'go where no man has gone before'... but getting it on with a woman who's pussy can be bought for less than a hundred dollars is just.. just.... just.... ugh....

I digress.

But you know, men do not have enough blood in their veins, or enough mental capacity to be both horny and logical at the same time. I took a shower, took my cash and walked out the door. My plan was simple. Buy a condom at seven eleven, look for the most beautiful hooker around (8 out of 10 were either fat or ugly), take her back to my room, get the deed done, and rid me of this sexed up state.

I bought the condom and walked around... I walked pass this road being crowded by these chinese hookers, and at one look, they were the most pleasing looking, nice smelling and sexy hookers I spotted the whole night.. I walked through, made brief eye contact with 2 of them.. and as I passed between them, they each started to grab my shoulder.. I could feel her breast rubbing on my arm. (Did I have the word "horny" posted on my face?) . and asked me to come for a massage. Every inch of my cock and body screamed for me to stop.. and go through with it. This is what I came out for! Didn't i just tell myself I needed a good fuck? This is your chance!

But I never stopped walking. I walked till she had to let go.. I shook my head left to right and never looked back. Something stopped me from going through with it. I walked and walked and finally ended pack in my room. Cold long shower it was then...... I instantly regretted not going through with it at the time. But I discovering something about myself... As much as I was horny, as much as I wanted to abandon all rational and reason, I could not. I could not stoop to that level of picking women off the streets for sex.

Sex is not just physical. Its also in the mind. You aren't just making love to a body, you are making love to a mind. Sex with your partner, your mistress or your fuck buddy involves two people coming together in one mind to mutually reach sexual ecstacy and leisure... You are both interested in each others body and in each others leisure. The hooker is interested in your money, and the customer is more interested in his own cock. That is anything but a turn on. How many porno flicks have you seen where the scene is a guy fucking a hooker? None right? Scenarios and innuendos of forbidden passion, office affairs, incest are all sexually stimulating to our mind. There is nothing arousing or even sexual about it coming up to a hooker and paying for sex. It may be sex, but its not sexual.

There were many more stays in Geylang, and though I did still occasionally feel the urge, I stopped entertaining the idea of going for hookers. Paying would have guaranteed me instant sex... but it would have diluted the pleasures derived from it. Maybe it sounds crude, but it would be like a watered down version your favourite drink. Though the possibility of finding a fuck buddy is next to nil, I'll take my chances.

So where does that leave us?

Well, you will have to trust that I really believe in all this idealistic mumbo jumbo... or i'm just trying to justify chickening out at the last moment when looking for a hooker! Haha.....

Put your phone on Silent!

For a person others call friendly and sociable... my phone sure is so damn quiet.

It can go days on end without a single call from anyone other than my immediate family and loved ones. In face next to my family, the person who calls and talks to me most is my boss! Can you believe that? What am I, his son or something? Damn again.........

I'm starting to suspect I have no life.

Long time ago, I made a choice... when it came to friends... there are only so many people that can make up your life... you can't be friends with everybody... plus not everyone is actually worth getting to know... "Friends are the biggest suckers in your life"... someone said to me... while I don't believe that entirely, there is some truth to it... So I thought "Hey, a few genuine and deep friendships is enough..." I did not and still do not want a broad but shallow circle of friends.

What's the point of knowing many people... and having many people know you..... only to discover that many of them hardly know anything about you? We are all complex beings... and you can spend years of your life getting to know someone and still find new things about them. So I devoted myself to selecting a few choice friends.....people whom I could relate to, people I could talk, debate, reason, argue, console, consult and joke with... but mostly... people whom I think were also genuine towards me. And I can tell you.... genuine-ness in friendships are hard to find. I shied away from the popularity game... of adding as many people as possible on Facebook.... or attending parties with 2 dozen people you couldn't care less about vice versa...

In fact, I did this so well... I suddenly find my phone deafeningly quiet... and discovering that if I did not have a lover, my boss would be the top of my caller list.. DAMN IT..... I REALLY HAVE NO LIFE... Maybe its not so bad... one gives me all the companionship, love and sex I need.... and the other pays me every single cent I have. Maybe that's not a bad thing eh......

So why am I complaining about my phone being quiet? Alone times like this gives me time to sit down, reflect, contemplate and blog, crystallizing all the vague and fuzzy thoughts in my head... Putting them slowly in words, then sentences, then paragraphs and reading them back helps me clear my head (and realize what a buffoon I can be when reading older post)..

A bit of alone time helps with that..

And still, I stare at my silent phone wondering why no one seems to be thinking of me...why no one has given me a call asking how am I or if I'd like to go out for a drink....SHIT... that sounded so needy and whimpy. I guess the truth is this.... regardless of whether we try having a few deep friendships or a broad but shallow group, we all want to feel that we matter to someone other than ourselves. I'd be happy if I earned more money, I'd be happy if I drove a bigger car or bought that latest DSLR i've been drooling after....but only while the euphoria lasted, then there would be emptiness again.

But I would be truly happy deep down into the deepest pits of my heart, if I received a simple call / text from someone with a simple "Hello, how are you? Been thinking of you. Havent seen you in a while Lets do lunch?" That to me, is priceless...

It does happen... but I guess not as often as I'd hope for...

Marriage Test

Don't ask me why I'm posting jokes here.... but this is probably funnier that the last.. and more likely to happen in real life! I mean... who wouldn't right?

My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. My parents helped us in every way, my friends encouraged me, and my girlfriend? She was a dream!

There was only one thing bothering me, very much indeed, and that one thing was her younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age, wore tight mini skirts and low cut blouses. She would regularly bend down when quite near me and I got many a pleasant view of her underwear.

It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else.

One day little sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome and didn't really want to overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister.

I was in total shock and couldn't say a word.

She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to go ahead with it just come up and get me."

I was stunned.

I was frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top she pulled down her panties and threw them down the stairs at me.

I stood there for a moment, then turned and went straight to the front door.

I opened the door and stepped out of the house.

I walked straight towards my car.

My future father-in-law was standing outside. With tears in his eyes he hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test.

We couldn't ask for better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family."

The moral of this story is: Always keep your condoms in your car. :-)

Why I fired my Secretary

Watching too much porno and having too many dirty thoughts often skew our outlook on reality..... Talk about having a naughty idea gone bad... read on.. haha.....


Last week was my birthday and I didn't feel very well waking up on that morning.

I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my wife would be pleasant and say,"Happy Birthday!", and possibly have a small present for me.

As it turned out, she barely said good morning, let alone" Happy Birthday."

I thought... Well, that's marriage for you, but the kids.... They will remember.

My kids came bounding down stairs to breakfast and didn't say a word. So when I left for the office, I felt pretty low and somewhat despondent.

As I walked into my office, my secretary Jane said,"Good Morning Boss, and by the way Happy Birthday ! " It felt a little better that at least someone had remembered.

I worked until one o'clock , when Jane knocked on my door and said, "You know, It's such a beautiful day outside, and it is your Birthday, what do you say we go out to lunch, just you and me." I said, "Thanks, Jane, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day. Let's go !"

We went to lunch. But we didn't go where we normally would go. She c hose instead a quiet bistro with a private table. We had two martinis each and I enjoyed the meal tremendously.

On the way back to the office, Jane said, "You know, It's such a beautiful day... We don't need to go straight back to the office, Do We ?"

I responded,"I guess not. What do you have in mind ?" She said,"Let's drop by my apartment, it's just around the corner."

After arriving at her apartment, Jane turned to me and said," Boss, if you don't mind, I'm going to step into the bedroom for just a moment. I'll be right back."

"Ok." I nervously replied.

She went into the bedroom and, after a couple of minutes, she came out carrying a huge birthday cake ... Followed by my wife, my kids, and dozens of my friends and co-workers, all singing "Happy Birthday".

And I just sat there...

On the couch...

Naked.

Saturday, June 13, 2009

Horny Sisters

So here's the deal,

I was introduced recently over a business dinner to this successful family doing business in the oil and gas industry... supplying equipment to Petronas... yawn... yawn.. I know....

Here's the interesting part, this successful millionaire Datuk runs his business mainly with the support of his 2 eldest daughters and 1 son.. all of which are below 30 years old......Before actually meeting them, I was of course well informed before hand of how this 2 women were... drives a porche, pretty, slim and extremely FLIRTY.... I had no idea...

We were having dinner also with some European counterparts.... and and gosh.. the european guy and the girl were all over each other, sending signals... flirting very lightly...Of course, she was careful to behave herself in front of her father..... but you know.. there are ways around these things..

After dinner, we were supposed to slit ways.. but the daughter wanted to hang out with my boss and our european associates more over in the pubs in KL. She said she would go back with her parents and try to sneak out later.... She was already fast exchanging text messages with her new found european boyfriend by the time we split.. But I guess the father understood her daugther only too well.... she never got to sneak out that night. But it didn't stop her from asking what was the european guys hotel room number just in case she managed to get out! Boy....I think our friend was seriously thinking he was about to score with the datuk's daughter.. Times like this makes me wish I was caucasian instead.. they get all the fun.. they get all the women!

But anyway... I went home that night wondering "Damn... how come I never get so lucky?"... hahha... jealously I guess... The next 3 days I was in an oil and gas exhibition, which also involved this family... As luck would have it, I bumped into this lady.. She came right up to me and started chatting with me, as if we were old buddies.. and she was telling me about all these 'gatal old men'.. who seemed to constantly try to get naughty with her.. she shared that these guys all think she was easy.... but those who really know her would know she was not...

Right........


There were 2 questions... actually 3 racing through my own gatal mind then.....

#1 By talking to her and chatting her up, did she think I was one of those gatal men trying to score with her?

#2 If she did... would I even get to second base?

#3 Doesnt she realize that by standing so close to me while talking... starting me so deeply in the eyes and sharing all this intimate talk with works like 'gatal' and 'easy' and 'horny', that I could easily have mistaken that she was coming on to me? I was really trying to focus on what she was saying.. and trying to listen to her as a person.. but the fact that she was standing so close to me.. talking right into my face.....

Well, as much as I fantasized that the answer to all 3 would be yes... The reality was No, no... and no.....

Either I took a step back to a more social personal space and concentrate on our conversation, or I remain in this close intimate proximity fantasizing about a non exististent fliritng session going on.. I chose the latter....

But that didn't stop me from having my mind wondering of course. Truth be told, I have never ever had an honest conversation with another women about their horny feelings... I have never had a women openly flirt with me in a sexual way... Do women ever feel horny the way we guys do? Do you ever just have this urge to just get it on with a guy and just screw...I don't think any woman would readily admit it out in the open just like that.... but it sure would be cool to me to know they did.

I honestly believe that in our society... our women are a lot more in the closet when it comes to sex and sexuality... Its not uncommon to hear of guys being horny..... and if a guy is horny.. then he's just 'being a man'... or a player.. But if a woman admits she's horny.... and that she too desires sex...she's considered 'loose' or slutty' or 'easy'.... Its just one of those things about society I guess....

So back to the story... it was kind hard not to have perverted thoughts for last 3 days.. seeing these 2 flirty sisters in action everyday... the gatal stories from others around me about them didn't help either... Its all fun and games for us all.... and heck.... they are full grown adult anyway.. they should be free to do as they please.... I just wonder how the father would react if he heard half the stories I have heard.

I mean... I'm all for sexual liberation and all that stuff... but if ever the day comes where I do get into some interesting sexual escapades... discretion is the name of the game baby...... If you are having some fun on the side... keep it low... keep it discreet... and have you fun... But you know you are really screwed (literally and metaphorically) when people you meet for the first time already know you are a horny little nympho before the first hello.....

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