Curb Your Horny-ism
You’d think that doing nothing would be easy enough, but it’s not.
How to stay put when your body is screaming for some loving? How to stay put when the tingles in your loins constantly remind you of the carnal pleasures it so badly wants? How to distract yourself when every time you close your eyes, she appears? Yes, her…. the one you’ve been having countless fantasies of…. the one you think of every time you sit there alone in your room, hundreds of miles away from home… the one you'd pounce on and ravage every other night, if only she'd let you...
Curbing horny thoughts are an immense challenge for a man sometimes. Masturbating helped a bit. But I found myself going back to those scenarios again and again, the ones played out in all those emails.. which just got me hornier. Eventually, I realized I had to stop, else even the cleaner lady downstairs my start looking sexy.
Being in this unique little country of Singapore didn’t help much either. For one, Singapore is filled with stylish looking, nice smelling, and eye pleasing women. Everywhere you go, you see beautiful, well groomed women walking about the central business district. And when you’re feeling horny (like I was), you basically start mentally undressing every hot chick you see. And secondly, there’s the rather well known fact that prostitution is legal in this country. You could technically drive yourself to a brothel and pay a woman to satisfying all your wonton desires, and still have not done anything wrong (in the legal sense anyway).
But it's not just Singapore. There is something about being away from home that somehow shifts your mental behavior. For some reason, I’m always horny when I'm here.. more so than I am back home. I think being in a fresh surrounding, no longer confined by the rules and constraints back home, makes you feel somehow less inhibited. You’re willing to try more things, you’re willing to keep more of an open mind. You don’t walk around thinking you already know what’s there and how things happen. The neighborhood becomes your playground again, its exciting again, and you want to play peek-a-boo with that cute little girl by the swing. Only, she looks stunning in that miniskirt, watching her puff her cigarette turns you on, and peek-a-boo here ends with an additional ‘b’. Peek-a-boob.
In the end I decided that the best way to curb said horniness, was by doing the most unsexy things I could think of… like doing my laundry, and shopping for cleaning detergents, mopping the floor, and of course, cleaning the toilet (all of which I will testify, make you feel terribly unsexy). I also decided that I will buy myself an enormous bag of potato chips as reward / compensation for my noble efforts of trying to stay sexually pure whist away. It seemed like a fair trade off. I should be allowed to be a fat, overweight but honest man, stuffing his mouth with potato chips, for not being the trim, fitter horny bastard, trying to stick his penis into assorted vaginas. It seemed like a good idea anyway…..until I finished the chips. After which, I just felt like a fat, overweight horny bastard who still wanted to stick his penis into assorted vaginas anyway.
So much for the effectiveness of comfort food.
Your emails are evil honey. I love them ;-)
