Just a quick (belated) Merry Christmas to all of you out there. I hope you've been nice this year. If you havent..... well....... being naughty ain't too bad either!
This year, I was just listening to the song and was pretty convinced that the little boy who sang "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Clause" saw more than just that! More action perhaps? ;-) Well, I hope Santa isn't the only one to be getting some this Christmas!
Cheers... and have a blasted new year ahead!
A continuation of this post on fuck buddies.
“Hi, I’m 25 male. Looking for fuck buddy. Any girl out there wana fuck?”
I’ve been browsing and surfing assorted local blogs and forums lately. Sadly, it looks like that’s sharp as they get these days…the (young) men I mean.That's my conclusion after reading an actual post above.
On one hand, I’m positively embarrassed. No tact, no finesse, no sense of how to properly present yourself as someone more than just a walking hard-on. On the other hand, what’s not to like? Short and straight to the point -doesn’t waste your time, doesn’t make any pretences. Ten over ten for efficiency, but zero points for effectiveness.
And people that post these invitations for fuck buddies all of 3 things in common; they’re all men; they’re all young; and they all half expect some girl to just suddenly reply “Yes, I’d like to have a fuck buddy.” No one ever does of course, simply because that’s not how you’re supposed to go about doing such things.
But I’m a guy too, and I do empathise with my fellow dudes over their long standing desire to have a fun fuck with none of the usual commitments involved. So, in my attempt to help my fellow man, here’s my own self styled guide to getting a fuck buddy.
#1 Stop the Desperate Posts
Nothing turns women off more than being desperate. For men, a desperate woman might be a sign of easy sex. But it doesn’t work the other ways guys. If you come across as so desperate for sex, you come across as UNWANTED. And nobody wants what everyone else doesn’t want either. Geddit? So quit the desperate talk and try being a bit more suave.
#2 Engage And Connect
Guys, let me just save you a lot of time and say that the chances of you finding yourself a fuck buddy online is very very slim. You need to go out, engage and connect with people. Meet people, chat, go for drinks, dance, whatever. People are attracted to things they can see, touch and feel. Not some poorly written grammar or ugly shot of a cock on the computer screen. No woman in her sane mind would be your fuck buddy unless she’s gotten a good idea of what you’re all about in person. So stop photoshop-ing the picture of your cock and start working on your people skills!
#3 Be Good Company
If you’re just looking for a quick fuck, no questions asked, you’re better off looking for a prostitute. They come when you call, leave when you’re done, and don’t ask you for anything else (other than money). You get your fuck, she gets her money, we all go home happy. But if it’s a fuck buddy you want, you need to be reasonably good company. What makes for good company is subjective and varies from person to person but if you aren’t even good company out of bed, there’s little to suggest you’ll be any different in bed. Geddit? And NO, having a big cock will not be enough to compensate for your lack of personality.
#4 Be A Good Fuck
The basis of a fuck buddy is MUTUAL pleasure. So if you DO qualify to the next stage, the second thing you have be is a DAMN GOOD FUCK IN BED. Men being men, we all think we’re all pretty damn good already. Heck, I think I’m a pretty good fuck in bed too if only I’m given the chance to prove it. But alas, we’re not….. (or at last YOU’re not). I’m not here to teach you how to be a good fuck, but at minimum:
- Don’t be lazy with the giving. You want your blowjob, give her what she wants to.
- Intercourse should be minimum 10 minutes. Ideally 20 minutes.
- Sexual positions should vary 2~3 types. Don’t just hump like a drunkard camel.
- Vary your stroke, intensity, speed, angle etc. Variety is the spice of life remember.
- Lots of kissing, lots of caressing, lots of holding, lots of eye contact.
Sex is all about connection & sensation. Doesn’t matter if you call it love making or fucking… unless you’re making love to a mannequin - make a connection.
#5 Be The Fuck, Be the Buddy too
I actually don’t like the term Fuck Buddy much. A bit too wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am style. I prefer the term ‘friends with benefits’. Maybe I’m just old fashioned, but I do think that the ‘friends’ part should come before the ‘benefits’. As opposed having the ‘fuck’ before the ‘buddy’. Regardless of what you call him/her, she’s still a person. And that means they shouldn’t be treated purely like a booty call (unless you both actually prefer that). A normal meal or other non sex related activities are harmless but go a long way. In case you don’t already know, women don’t like to be taken for granted. As much as possible, be the fuck but also the buddy.
#6 Don’t fall in Love
Whatever you do, DON’T.l…because if you do, that’s the end of it. What you will have is no longer ‘friends with benefits’ but ‘relationship without the perks’. You will end up loving someone, but not being able to call them your own. Being physically attracted, genuinely caring and being in love are three very different things. The problem with sex is that it messes it all up in this pot of lust, love and infatuation.. You may think that as a guy, you clearly differentiate love from sex – which is true…. But when you’re laying there in each others arms post coital bliss smiling and snuggling, looking into her beautiful eyes and her sweet sweet smile, it’s only too easy to fall in love… or at least think you have. It’s playing with fire.. and play long enough, someone’s bound to get burnt. To say it gets complicated is an understatement. So be warned and make sure you know what you’re getting yourself into.
Having said all this, I’d just like to put a disclaimer – I have no idea if any of these will work for you in finding a fuck buddy. Very frankly, it’s a case of too many men wanting it and too little women considering it… and I can’t exactly say I’ve had much experience with fuck buddies either. You really are better of trying to get a proper girlfriend, treat her nice and enjoy the sex there. I say this as a guy horny enough to still dream of having friends with benefits, but also as a man realistic enough to know that some things will always remain a fantasy and nothing more.
… and yes, I’m still alive and kicking and wonder if anyone still follows this blog.
Cheers!
P/S: Hi, I’m 25 male. Looking for fuck buddy. Any girl out there wana fuck? ;-P
If you’re wondering why I haven’t posted anything here of late, it’s really because of this; I’m waiting to see if this blog will die a natural death if I leave it alone long enough. I was kind expecting that with the lack of any updates that people will lose interest. But apparently it’s not for some reason. And I think that reason is ‘sex’ rather than my actual writing skills. The world is perpetually craving for sex.
I can write the stupidest, shallowest most meaningless post here, slap a picture of a naked woman and tag the word ‘sex’ and ‘fuck’ all over it and it will very surely get more pageviews than if I sat down and spent 2 hours writing out something really honest truth about something. Most people are more interested in quick fucks rather than long lasting relationships. And that’s how I see this blog sometimes – that most people surfing all this ‘sex blogs’ are really just looking for some sort of thrill… similar to the ones you get in a quick fuck.
I know this for a fact because I actually have a separate blog which I do my actual blogging and then there’s this one – some weird manifestation of my alter ego. It’s this one, and not the other that gathers all the attention. And that’s natural, because no one really wants to listen to another person rant on and on about their life and read paragraphs and paragraphs of emo shit. But everyone wants to see cleavage, everyone wants pussy, everyone a piece of ass. We all want to see and read about who and how other people are fucking in bed. And I see that’s what a lot of the more popular sex blogs offer… which to me… just changes the whole thing from ‘sex blog’ to ‘porn blog’. I love porn… but too much of it just melts your brain and make you retarded.
Sex is a powerful motivator, but it’s an oversexed world out there. Every conceivable desire is deliberately tied back to sex; gadgets, beer, car, cloths, drinks etc; virtually all of them have a seductive woman in its advertisement. We all want sex, and when you link sex to that thing.. by extension, you will want that too.
Writing with sex as a theme isn’t that hard. You just talk ready crudely; say ‘fuck’ a lot and write everything from the perspective or a horny bastard, put in a few witty lines, lots of naked photos, and link to every Tom, Dick and Harry also doing the same thing.
But it’s hard for me, because after a while, you start feeling incredibly shallow… and HOLLOW. When you isolate sex out of the context it’s meant to be in, namely proper relationships, you’re essentially removing a shell from its body. Outwardly, it still looks yummy and exciting but it’s only a matter of time before the whole thing crumbles apart from the inside. Horniness is a fleeting sensation. It can’t stand on its own for very long. And so I’ve refrain from any sort of post at all. I could reveal more and write about my actual sex experiences, which woman, where, how etc. But just so you know, I’m very old fashioned. A gentleman shouldn’t kiss and tell. Even if it’s all kept anonymous, I owe it to them to treat the matter with respect and discretion. If I do write something, it should be done tastefully and in proper light; not ‘hey-look-I-banged-one-more’ (which would actually be more popular)
I was just reading about a certain sex porn blogger who’s actually organizing a massive gang bang between 2 women and probably half the male population in Singapore. On the surface, that does sound like some pretty crazy, wacked up shit…. considering they are opening it to all their regular readers. But I just can’t help but wonder; what is this, community service? For the ladies, It’s your body, your dignity. If you want to make it free access to one and all….well……. whatever tickles your fancy OK…. For the men, would you really want to dip your stick into somewhere every other dude’s sticking theirs? Where’s the thrill and enjoyment in that? Where’s the passion?
Sex is about passion more than anything else. It’s not just dick and pussy all rubbing together.
Anyway, I’m not here to impose my moral values on anyone. Who am I to tell you how to live your life.
For all the pageview I see this blog get, I just can’t help but wonder… is anyone even getting the things I’ve written? Or are you all just searching for the page with the juicy story and the naked pictures? Because there really is none.
Someone called me an ass kisser and a fucker today.
But I can’t say I didn’t get my own.
I called him a petty, calculative, immature, malicious, scheming, selfish, arrogant, high nosed, ignorant, idiotic, self-pitying, stupid, autistic, mother fucking retard.
Life’s not so bad when you’re more eloquent than your enemies. Muahahaha..
But to his credit, he did get right at least one thing right.
I AM a fucker.
A better one than him too...
Just ask his wife.
Just kidding...
I'd never fuck a cow like that.
I got to give it to the our local government sometimes. They really know how to entertain you.
Today's headline news was No Sex Please, We Are Students
In fact, this was actually brought up in Parliament. The government wants to go on a campaign to tell students not to have sex until their married.
It cited that there were 21 cases of pregnancies out of wedlock last year (assuming in university). I wonder what kind of retarded source they're getting their data from. I also suspect that the Ministry of Education has it's offices based on Pluto......
Because wake up Auntie.... almost everyone... E.V.E.R.Y.O.N.E ... is screwing around these days. Be them Muslims, Christians, Buddhist or terrorist. If the former Health Minister was screwing around, do you really think healthy, hot blooded, horny, hormone induced young students experiencing total freedom away from home for the very first time are going to abstain?
LOL.......
I think not. If you want to teach them that they should wait until they get, married.... They will be thinking "Fuck, who knows when THAT will be.. I can't wait that long..." and bang... someone's getting lucky tonight. I don't know about other people, but by the time I was 16, I already knew there was no way I was to 'wait till the right one' before I started engaging in sex.
If you REALLY want to do something constructive.... just prepare a simple slide show presentation of STDs and AIDS with the most gory and disturbing pictures you can find of peoples deformed genitalia... LIKE THIS:
Ever thought of a cup of coffee?
We can sit at a corner, just you and me.
You can tell me where you’re from.
And I can tell you where I’ve been.
We’ll talk about love and life.
And you can tell me why you need 6 different shoes.
I’ll listen to you ask you speak about your life.
And you’ll wonder why talking to me seems so easy.
We’ll chat and laugh for hours till we become silent
And I’ll ask if you find the silence awkward.
You’ll say there’s something nice about me.
I’ll shake my head and tell you the truth - I’m actually nervous
I act weirdly when I have caffeine or am around pretty women.
You’ll say I ordered decaf and I’ll say – there you go.
You’ll look at the time and say we really should go.
You’ll try to pay but I’ll insist that I do.
I’ll tell you a lie – you can pay the next time.
You’ll say OK, and I’ll secretly leap for joy.
Because it means you’d want to see me again.
I’ll walk with you all the way to your car.
You’ll say you had a really nice time.
And I’ll say the pleasure really was all mine.
You’ll drive off and I’ll wave goodbye.
I’ll skip to a beat as you turn out of sight.
I’ll slowly recall all the things we said.
Having coffee really does things to you head.
I’ve always been somewhat fascinated and curious about gay men.
No, not curious in THAT sense… but in a more intellectual way.
Like for instance, how to they work out who’s the ‘man’ in the relationship, or is that interchangeable? In bed, who’s the ‘fucker’ and who’s the ‘fuckee’? (Hahaha.. fucker-fuckee, love that) or is that interchangeable too? Do they really feel NOTHING when seeing a naked woman? If they received a blowjob from a woman, would it arouse them? Do they see themselves more as women trapped in a man’s body, or just men true blue men who just like dicks more than vagina? And if you were limber enough to do it, would you suck on your own cock? If you sucked your own cock, is that being gay, or is that masturbating?
Pop culture likes to tell you that gay men are all flamboyant, well dressed, artsy, well groomed and intelligent.
From experience, I’ll have say – that is so fucking true.
I only have 2 gay friends…. but they are both all of the above. They have an eye for all things beautiful. they have a certain flair and they truly dare to be different even if it means not being popular (or accepted). I can really picture them saying the words “You laugh at me because I'm different, I laugh at you because you're all the same”
I will tell you very honestly that most (if not all) straight men do feel uncomfortable when dealing with gay men. Ya, we try to act cool about it, we try to go out of our way to show it’s no big deal….. but deep down inside, we’re all a bit uncomfortable. Not when we’re dealing with you, not when we’re hanging out with you, and not even when we’re giving you a big bear hug before going home. But when the two of you are together.
I was just listening to my gay friend recollecting excitedly about the little birthday surprise his partner threw him. He made this really sweet and thoughtful treasure hunt around the house for him to find his present. One clue led to another, one puzzled led to another before he finally found his present tucked underneath his bed. It was a really really sweet and romantic gesture… which even I had to admire.
As the two of them started talking more and more excitedly, you kinda knew this was quite an intimate little moment they were sharing. I watched the two of them and started asking myself “Are they gonna kiss each other? Is he going to brush his cheek? Is he going to hug him? Is he going to snuggle and say how sweet he was? Is this going to be one of those couple's intimate moments? My GOSH… DON’T DO IT.. DON’T DO IT…..”
Thankfully, they didn’t. I’d totally freak out if they did.
I don’t have a problem accepting people for who they are. If you like having other men stick their dicks up your ass that’s up to you. I’d still hang out with you. But I do have a problem with accepting a homosexual relationship for what it is. More so than I’d have of say people being polygamous or partner swapping or any of those things. Mainly because homosexuality among men does feel like something against the natural order of nature. I mean, check out your equipment dude. It’s built for something else. Hammers are used on nails. Screwdrivers are used on screws.. You don’t take two hammers and start banging and rubbing them against each other. That’s not what it’s designed to do…. And frankly, it just confuses the rest of the hammers… Get my drift? And what’s wrong with women anyway? They look good, they smell good, they have soft skin, they are gentle….. and they even have the right equipment!
But there usually 2 reasons why people refrain from speaking out against homosexual relationships.
The first one is that people don’t want to be intolerant. We live in an age of plurality and society demands that we are accept people of all races, colours, nationalities, religions and even sexual preferences. We argue with ourselves that if we want others to accept us for who we are, we should not and cannot in turn try to judge other people. Treat others how you would like to be treated – it’s a common rule in civilized society. We also live in a very secular society where there is no such thing as moral absolutes. The common argument is that as long as it’s not breaking the law, and it’s not hurting anybody it’s OK. To try to stand up and say that there are very defined rights and wrongs in issues of morality will instantly earn you the label of ‘fundamentalist’ or ‘intolerant’.
Secondly, and more significantly, gay / lesbian friends are often genuinely nice people. More often than not, they are our friends and…… good ones at that. My best friend in high school was gay. And when someone is close to you, it’s very hard to try and impose your prejudices on them. Our natural instinct is to accept them rather than alienate them. We don’t want our friends to feel like they aren’t allowed to be who they are if they want to continue being our friends. We never put ultimatums to our friendships. It’s bad enough that society as a whole rejects them.. what kind of friend can we claim to be if even we who know them refuse to accept them?
But as much as I try to, the sight of two grown men holding hands, hugging and kissing will always make me shift uneasily. Pull them apart and I can accept them individually, but put them together.. it’s always a different story. I do realize that makes me an ‘intolerant’ person.. but that’s because deep down inside, I do believe that is something called moral absolutes. There are things in life we inherently know are wrong.. like murder, cannibalism, rape and in this case… homosexuality. Unless you’re talking about two hot lesbians making out in bed – because that’s a different story!
We men…… such creatures of double standard. ;-)
Cheers…
I was talking to a friend a few nights ago.
She just got herself a new boyfriend.
"Where did you meet him?"
"On the internet....."
"As in Facebook?"
"No..... as in online dating agency."
"You serious? Doesn't that seem kind of........desperate?"
"Maybe it does seem that way over here. But in Australia, it's pretty common. And the people who sign up are pretty genuine and sincere. They aren't dodgy like the ones here."
"OK. So what does he look like?"
She shows me a picture of him. My eyes widen as I took good look at him. Caucasian. Well built. Six Pack. Tone muscles.
"You sure you didn't steal this picture off Men's Health Magazine or something?"
I am greeted with a smack.
"He's a nice guy. And he meets a lot of my requirements. And so far, so good." she said with a grin that seemed to hint that there was more to that statement.
They guy was certainly a hunk. It kinda annoyed me why all these Caucasian men seemed to be stealing away all our Asian women. Not that I mind too much, it's just that it's more of a one way street. Caucasian women seldom ever get attracted to Asian men.
I looked at her very intently. I wanted to ask what was really on my mind but another friend was there, so I held my tongue. She had just broken up at the beginning of the year. I suspected that her main 'requirements' was a steady source of sex. We've talked openly about it before, and I know sex was a big deal to her.. or rather, NO SEX was a big deal to her. Which I totally understand.... being a guy and all.
I mean, here she was this woman, who knew EXACTLY what she wanted. She wanted a man, and a hunky one at that, one that would satisfy her sexual needs NOW. And all she had to do was click... click... and click.....
And I was thinking
Why the hell can't I find such a thing?
Mark my words... ANY woman can easily pick a man up for sex.. be it at the bar, in the club or on the interenet just by snapping her fingers (or clicking her mouse in this case).. But not for men. It all comes back to the economics of supply and demand. There is an oversupply of horny men looking for sex. We're not a dime a dozen a hundred times over. Even if you are smart, intelligent and witty *ahem* it's virtually impossible for you to be differentiated in the sea horny men. And all you really have to differentiate yourself from the rest, is the size of your penis.... Doesn't help that I'm Chinese.
F.M.L....
Sex blogging is an interesting phenomenon.
I remember some time back that a journalist actually stumbled upon my blog and sent me an email asking if I was interested to do an interview with him about this whole sex blogging thing that seems to be rampant among blogs. I replied saying that I didn’t mind but he was probably better of interviewing other more qualified (and interesting) sex bloggers who were not only more explicit, but were actually written by women. I don’t think my blog really qualifies as a sex blog. I told him “……..it's not meant to be a 'sex blog' per se, just a blog with stuff with sex in it, among other things.” Anyway, the interview never happened because the project got delayed indefinitely.
If you’ve done your bit of sex blog browsing, you’ll know that although the numbers are not little, there aren’t that many souls out there doing it. Male blogs are rare… Male blogs that actually write decent stuff rather than just mindless fuck episodes are ever rarer.
The most popular ones often have followers and readers going to the hundreds (possibly thousands). The formula for success of these ‘most popular’ blogs seems to be about the same. You need only 3 things.
#1 You need to be a woman.
In shape with a genuine vagina, boobs, Ass… Enough.
#2 Nudity
Take explicit photos / videos of yourself. Never mind if your face is cut away or censored. No one’s really interested in your face. Show pictures of your boobs, ass and pussy in various angles and in various costumes, lingerie or cloths.
#3 Do crazy shit
Take pictures / just write about crazy stuff you do. Never mind whether it’s made up or not. Give blowjobs in stairways. Fly to Italy to become someone’s part time whore. Have sex for 12 hours straight with 50 men. Conduct random surveys about the dick sizes of your readers. The crazier it is, the more popular you will be.
Sex sells. Even if you write like shit, even if your grammar is poor.. it doesn’t matter. Just show a bit of boob, ass and pussy.. and all is forgiven. There will be hoards of male readers eager to cheer you on and praise you on every single post… telling you how hard you make them, telling how horny you get them, how much they want you. If you want to know how it feels to be lusted for by dozens of men… Just do these 3 things.
But don’t expect me to be one of them. I followed quite a few of them for a while. I found it utterly and completely fascinating. Then it started to get stale, and I stopped following the more graphical ones since they did nothing more than just post endless streams of nude photos of themselves. Then I stopped following those who just wrote nonstop about how they fuck this person and that person, in this place and in that place. Everything just sounded same same. There’s no drama, there’s no conflict, there’s no emotion, there’s no story….. just ‘I’m-horny-You’re-horny-we-fucked-end-of-story’.
I realized that fictitious sex stories were actually more interesting than real life ones for two reasons. No.1 People who wrote fiction have better writing skills and better imaginations. No.2 Real life isn’t nearly as dramatic as the ones in the story. No one really fucks their cousin. No one really gets it on with their bosses daughter. No one really swaps partners and become swingers. The truth is, the IDEA of illicit sex is so much more seductive that what it really is in real life.
And I guess that is a truth everyone who has ever tried writing a sex blog soon finds out. We only have so many stories to tell, we only have so many escapes to share, we only have so many secrets we keep. The writer is left with two choices. Spice up your blog before you lose your readers or stop. No one stops immediately.. and so they continue. They start writing more explicitly or revealing more and more skin. The level needs to up because readers get used to the previous highs and demand more. Then they realize they have nothing left to write unless they make shit up. Then they feel burned out and trapped because having gained so much popularity, they now have nothing left to say / share. And then they are FORCED to stop. And that is eventually how many sex blogs fizz out.
I was reading some other sex bloggers thoughts about wanting to stop. She had been sharing so many things about herself and enjoyed the adoration of so many men. But she was burned out.. because the blog seemed to bring her more harm than good. She felt attached to the blog, but also felt like it was actually working against her conscience. I wanted to say something, but decided against it. Some things need to be figured out on our own. Her attachment to her blog was because she enjoyed the attention. We all love attention. It re-affirms our existence. When we receive attention we feel acknowledged and accepted. THIS is why she still can’t bring herself to stop blogging. But on the other hand, her conscience was tugging at her. Her heart tells her that was she is doing is wrong. And when you don’t listen to your heart when it speaks… it gets torn apart.
For those who anonymously blog about their sex lives, or their opinions – why do they do it? Why do we sit down and deem it worth penning down these acts that are supposedly private and confidential? I think different people do it for different reasons. And you can usually tell from the way they write.
Some just want the attention. They are voyeurs who want to feel adored and desired. These kinds are the ones that usually show a lot of explicit photos or write very detailed accounts of their exploits. The focus is a lot on what they did.
Some just want to express. These are the people who are born writers who are just lonely at heart and need an ear. Perhaps they’ve done a lot of crazy shit in their lives and need an outlet to just express it. I suspect a lot of them write not for the sake of others, but for themselves. They write to try to crystallize, make sense, remember, come to terms or immortalize what they went through. They focus a lot on what how they feel.
And some.. just don’t know what they want. I won’t be surprised if there have been people who after reading so many sex blogs, thought it would be a good idea to start one themselves. These usually fizzle out the quickest. They either realize that writing doesn’t come naturally to them, they’re too uncomfortable sharing explicit photos of themselves… or don’t know what to write in the first place. These people usually end up trying to ask the readers what they think they should do. They don’t focus on anything.. and basically don’t know what the hell they are doing.
Me?
I’m just a guy who neither posts nude photos, writes about his sexual exploits nor does any crazy shit. I am the most ordinary, plain, normal guy you will ever find writing about sex. Is that interesting enough to be worthy of a read? Well, no actually. And I don’t try to pretend that it’s anything more than that.
You may ask if I want attention. I will say yes
You may ask if I seek to express. I will say yes.
You may ask if I am confused. I will say ‘you have no idea how much….’
Cheers everyone..
I'm starting to realize that gay men have this very uncanny ability to search each other out. For all the talk about gay men being the discreet minority... it seems awfully easy for a gay man to hook up with other gay men should he want to.
One gay friend of mine met his current partner online and he flew in all the way from the US just to be with him here in Malaysia. Of course we all know that the internet has been one of the most useful tools for gay men to look up discreetly... gay website, chatrooms etc. But that's not the only avenue. There are plenty of well known gay bars in KL, even in conservative Malaysia. Step into one of these, and you can be sure to find yourself a swamp of potential fuck buddies / partner.
Which gets me somewhat pissed off really.
Why is it that it's easier for discreet, minority, homosexual men to hook up than it is for majority, heterosexual men? You'd think that since there is such an overwhelming majority of horny, hetereosexual men and women around, it's be easier. But it's not. Not in this part of the world anyway.
Imagine a gay man. He's horny that night and is looking to hook up. He walks into a gay bar.There are dozens of other gay men around. The premise is simple; a bar where everyone has a common sexuality and a common interest in mind, sex. There's no two ways about it. They are all there because they like fucking other men. Since fucking each other is the common denominator here, steering a conversation from small talk to sex is unsurprising at all.
Now imagine a straight man. He's horny that night and is looking to hook up. He walks into a straight bar. There are dozens of women around. But things are far from simple. You don't know who's there with someone, who's alone, who's just having a night out with the girls, who's just there to dance and drink and who's looking to hook up. You are left to go with the flow and see what happens. You could go to a dodgier bar where there are women to pick up.. but they often turn out to just be prostitutes.
Maybe it's just me and my inexperience, but I think the idea of one night stands and fuck buddies have been over glamorized over in this part of the world. I suspect that most (if not all) women here are essentially one partner sexual beings. One night stands do happen maybe, but I'm starting to believe that the concept of a fuck buddy is in fact a myth over here. I don't think straight men and women hook up with each other to be fuck buddies as easily as gay men do. There are more avenues (virtual & physical) for gay men to hook up than there are for heterosexual men and women. - which is ironic considering it is gay men who are supposedly hiding in closets.
I know that the idea of a fuck buddy captures the imagination (and lust) of a lot of men and maybe a few women. The idea of wonton sexual pleasure with someone with no strings attached remains a very delicious proposition. Even for me, I find it hard to stop obsessing about it despite being very close to considering it as impossible. The lust overcomes and ever pushes you to deeper, darker places of secret pleasure in your mind.
For the most part, I'm suspect that the fuck buddy is a fantasy men have conjured up for himself. He believes that there are women out there who would see sex the way he does. But majority women aren't wired like that. Sex and emotional attachment come together. Sex is exclusive with the one she chooses. She'd go so far as to tease you with her blog, show you explicit photos of her body and write raunchy post about her sexual acts.... but she is still in essence, a one-man-one-woman person. She will not be your fuck buddy.
Either that, or I've been looking in all the wrong places.....
I was doing the somewhat gay-ish act of looking at some pictures of male body builders.
Not that I'm turning bi-sexual or anything. A friend of a friend was just posting his pics up on Facebook and I couldn't help but feel curious. From the comments, most women seem to be more intimidated rather than attracted to these sort of men with supersized muscles. I'm talking about Arnold Schwarzenegger He-Man kinda stuff.. Like this
Did you read this?
Teenager Passes Out Marrying Cow He Had Sex With
"In his defence, Alit admitted to the act of bestiality but claimed the cow, which he believed was a young and beautiful woman, had wooed him with flattering compliments."
Boy did I get a kick out of reading that.
There are only 2 possibilities. Either he's a real hardcore BBW (Big Beautiful Women) fan with seriously in need of new glasses... or he's totally into bestiality a.k.a Animal Sex a.k.a Screwing your neighbourhood cow.
But I think the prospect of going to Bali for a holiday may seem somewhat less appealing for some after read this, especially for those who are big and fat, or were born a cow.
I pity the guy. I mean, I'd faint too if I were told I had to marry a cow (of the animal variant I mean... though the human one's pretty bad too). But then again, he should have thought twice before sticking his dick where no man has gone before. He said he thought she was a women seducing him with flattering comments. I guess "MoooOoo" is some sort of pick up line in Bali.
The part I didn't quite like was when they actually drowned the cow. That's not right. I think the cow had more right to faint and the guy deserved to be thrown in the sea.
The proper headline should be "Cow Gets Thrown Into Sea After Being Raped by Horny Young Man"
Cheers people
I have a thing for female radio DJs.
I was just listening to the radio at night while driving around Singapore the other day, and I kid you not, I was completely turned on just by listening to the voice of the woman speaking. She had such deep, sultry voice.. but more than that, she spoke in a manner that was so cozy, warm and charming that you just wanna scream "Gosh, I love this woman!" For the record (if you really need to know), it was Yaz from Class 95 FM who does the night slot. Of course, she isn't the only one. There's also Nisha from Malaysia's Red FM which I listen to whenever I'm driving at night... equally charming voice and personality. Last but not least, there was Jojo Struys (who's actually Singaporean), who hosted for a brief period on Mix FM in Malaysia. Some people didn't like her and thought she wasn't quite suited for radio. To a certain extent, I had to agree, but there was something about her that charmed me to bits anyway, it was her laugh. She would just say stuff on the air and laugh to herself.... which would never cease to make me smile.
I love a woman who laughs. It's an attractive quality to me. I'd go as far as to say that it's more important for a woman (or person) to have a good sense of humour that it is for them to be good looking. I do admit that good looking people generally get all the attention, but I'd like to think that eventually, the charming ones get due recognition (for simply being more interest people!)
Anyway, I guess it's almost to be expected that all these womenfolk in radio have such attractive voices and charming personalities. They do make a living out of it after all. I'm pretty sure I'm not the only guy totally enchanted by their voices.
Here's the trouble... with voices like theirs, if you close your eyes and start to wonder how they look like, the image you inevitably picture is that of someone really attractive. It's natural for us to picture an attractive voice with an attractive face. Hunky men have deep voices. Sexy women have sultry voices. But reality is often a bit twisted. Just look at David Beckham. Good looking, great body, impeccable sense of style.... but with the voice of a school girl.
So when it comes to radio, just beware that they might be more suited for radio that we are think. Because in addition to the voice, they might also have a face fit for radio. :-P
Cheers
There’s this girl.
Every time I spot her passing by, I cannot take my eyes off her. I tell myself to look away..... but my eyes stay right on target. I’m consumed with lust at the sight of her. Slim legs… tight ass… and voluptuous breast that make my jaw drop.
I want her. I want to do things to her. I want to grab that ass and spank it silly. I want to kiss that lips and run my lips down her neckline to her breast. I want to plant my face in between her glorious bosom, tickle and suck those nipple and hear her pleasurable groans. I want to caress her back and bite her lips and grind my manhood against her body so she knows how hard she’s got me.
I want to lay her down and spread her wide and plunge my manhood deep…. deep into her pussy…… slowly….. surely…. forcefully…. kiss her…… passionately and deliberately….. I want to feel her body tingle as come into her… I want to see that look of total submission… that look that screams out… take me.. take me now… I’m all yours…
The best part is… she isn’t even trying to attract anyone. She’s just going about her workday, wearing that company uniform, tight jeans and sneakers. She can’t help it that even in those mundane work cloths I’m totally seduced by her. She can’t help it that her work cloths do nothing but accentuate her feminine curves. She can’t help it if I find her to be exactly the kind of real woman I find totally irresistible.
She’s caught me eyeing her a few times. I think she knows I’m looking at her. Maybe she knows I’m interested. Or maybe she thinks I’m a creep. Either way… if lady luck is on my side… I will get my chance to make a move.
Make no mistake about it ladies and gentlemen…. Its lust….. lust in the highest order
I just read about this serial panties sniffer living on the east coast. The police were raiding his house thinking he was paddling drugs. They didn't find any, but he was addicted to something alright.
Movies have often portrayed sexual perverts to be guys who jump into other peoples backyards and steal women's panties to sniff while jacking off or something. I always thought stuff like that belong in the movies and never in real life. But I guess even the movies had to get their ideas from somewhere.
This whole panties sniffing thing has always fascinated to me. Something about consuming the smell of a woman's vaginal secretions is suppose to turn them on. It's almost like their harmless little way of 'getting a piece' of the woman without actually having her. Like they get to experience not the sexual sight or touch of another woman, but at least the smell of it. The thing that intrigues me is that these urges can be so powerful to them that they actually go out and steal some panties to get high. I wonder how many people are there really out there with this sort of neurotic obsession.
But there is one thing I do know... it is the alluring power of a woman's scent. I know I've said this many times before, but a woman's scent really is a major turn on for many man.. well... at least THIS man right here. I find that women generally smell very good, and each woman has a distinct smell. To tell you the truth, it turns me on. It attracts me to them, it makes me want to draw close... like how a bee can't help itself from being attracted to honey. I think smell stimulates me more than usual compared to other guys. Most men are very visual creatures. They respond primarily to visual stimulation - cleavage, short skirt.. anything that reveals skin. Those things DO turn me on too... but when you add that with a whiff of a woman's natural scent... I find it practically irresistible.
But let me just make this clear OK... I don't steal and sniff womens panties.
Did you read this?
http://www.dailychilli.com/news/4074-teachers-tip-have-sex-every-night
So this teacher goes on to win an award for excellence. He goes up stage,and effectively tells the whole nation "You want good grades? You want a healthy lifestyle? Get some!" Hahahaha......
Here's the little bastard's face:
I felt quite amused reading this article:
People like joking that if you appear to be particularly sunny some mornings, it's probably because you got some the night before. I find it hard to deny that. It's hard not to wake up humming 'My Girl' by the Temptations after just having mind blowing sex the night before.
But just getting some isn't quite the same as getting it good.
You can have a lot of sex, with many different people and don't feel quite satisfied. Quantity isn't the same as quality. It looks like the same applies for sex. How many people have you have sex with? How many of them were good? Probably just a handful? That handful are probably people with their good share of experience or is your regular partner right? In both cases, they know which buttons to push to make for mind blowing sex. On the other hand, if you haven't had ANY good sex ever, you're not have nearly enough sex yet, you're damn unlucky, or the problem is you.
Every time we think of sex with someone new, be it a fuck buddy, a casual fling, someone you picked up at the bar, or even a prostitute, our minds automatically think of some hot and dirty time in bed where you fuck each others brains out.
But the reality isn't always so exciting. There is such thing as crappy sex. And crappy sex happens you're fucking with someone who doesn't really want to fuck you back.
Alcohol is a great way to get people to lighten up and get people into the mood. But too much usually results in men not even being able to get a proper hard on. And when you're wasted, you aren't really thinking about sex... in fact, you aren't really thinking at all. So, if you want to avoid crappy sex... drink some, but not too much.
Money is another thing. Paying for a fuck is just about the surest way to guarantee crappy sex. When you pay a woman to have sex, it's you that's getting fucked - when the money left your wallet. And if and when she screams in pleasure, she's probably thinking about the new Gucci bag she can now afford to buy using your money. Once you're done, she's out the door faster than you can say 'herpes'. Pay the woman, and she'll fuck you - in more ways than one.
Of course, there are a lot of other reasons for crappy sex. Bad breathe and body odour comes to mind - though I'm lucky not to come across either so far. Freaky bed habits, like emitting weird noises or a stoned expression during intercourse are some. But the worst kind of sex is probably the kind well described to me once by someone when they said: "She drops her skirt, lies on the bed, spreads her legs and waits. It's like fucking a mannequin." In a nutshell, a lousy, non participative bedfellow. Damn.
But in my opinion, the biggest reason for crappy sex is - lack of experience. Size may or may not matter, but experience most certainly does. Ignoring everything else said above, sex with someone who knows what they're doing is always infinitely better than doing it with someone green. Contrary to what most guys think of themselves, we aren't born as sex gods and goddesses in bed. It takes a lot of learning and experimenting. I know a lot of guys highly rate banging young, inexperienced virgin women. Awkward pauses, lack of technique, teeth biting (ouch!) and the lacking of confidence - virgins are over rated. What the hell is wrong with you guys? Give me a real woman for goodness sake.
As for the men - we have our faults too. By default, men usually think they are real maestros in bed, hence they don't bother learning anything. In hindsight, I'll be the first to admit that I was a pretty crappy sex partner for a long long time - selfish, predictable & lazy. That's everything you don't want to be if you want show a lady a good time. I think the chief culprit here is porn - the sex tutorial video of most men. It makes us think that a good fuck is as simple as grab ass, suck nipples and bang hard.
But that's not quite it isn't it? You've got to learn which spots to touch; how much, how hard, how gentle. You've got to learn to read cues; what does she like, what turns her on, what doesn't she like? You've got to learn how to maneuver various positions; missionary with one leg up, two? Doggy standing, kneeling? Sideways? Legs together, apart? Subtle things often make big differences. And never, ever, ever underestimate the importance of kissing. Learn how to kiss passionately and her panties WILL be soaking wet by the time you take them off.
The thing I eventually realize was that our biggest sex organ is our brain (no, it's not your penis dude). The thing that gets ultimately stimulated is the brain. That's why it's called mind blowing sex. It brings new meaning to the term - fucking your brains out.
Anyway, take what I say with a pinch of salt. I'm not a love guru, and I don't have a long line of women knocking on my door waiting for a good fuck. Can't say I didn't wish it though.
I'm just a guy who knows crappy sex when he gets it..... that is when he gets any at all.
Cheers.
You know how some men are real charmers? They ooze with so much masculinity and sexual energy that women get wet in their panties just by looking (or talking) to them. Well, I'm not one of them. But I do love to hate them. I don't know how to charm women. I don't know how to get them wet in their panties.
Maybe if I had a British accent I could, but I grew up freaking KL. The only British line I know is "Yeah Baby!" by Austin Powers. I doubt that'd work.
But there is one thing I think I can do - make women laugh. Not in the goofy slapstick kind of way ala Jim Carey, but the drier more subtle kind of funny that will get you smiling and chuckling rather than bursting out loud. I don't mean to brag, but I've been told a few times by women that it's actually an appealing quality. Women like being with a man who can make them laugh. At least, that's what a few of them said. I know how to hold a good conversation (mainly by shutting up and letting the woman do all the talking), I know how to complement a woman sincerely and I am think I am reasonably witty. I'm pretty confident in saying that I am reasonably good company.
................................OK, you can puke now.
Unfortunately, it's not exactly the kind of gift that will land a lot of women in your bed. I read somewhere that researches found that an evening with a good dose of humour and laughter would more likely make a woman more receptive to sex. This implied that a woman would more likely be in the mood for some fucking after a good comedy OR after sharing a good laugh with their date. I'm starting to think the researchers made this up entirely. I've not managed to laugh the panties off any woman to date.
I seriously don't think women get wet in their panties hearing why the chicken crossed the road.
I need to start watching some Hugh Grant movies......
Cheers
Someone once confided in me that there were only 2 things she really needed a man to be; a gentleman in the day, and a sex god at night.
"Think about it. I just want a guy who knows how to treat me well... and at night when you're all stressed and uptight, a guy who knows how to give you a good time. And what better time can you have than having damn good sex right?" she said.
"Damn it, how come there aren't more women like you out there?" I said.
So she was looking for a fucking good gentleman (or is that good fucking gentleman?). I was tempted to blurt out that I was a blardy good fuck myself if she wanted to have a go, but the gentleman part stopped me from doing it. I couldn't be sure that was me or the wine talking (this was our second bottle), and I couldn't be sure if I was really a good fuck at all. I haven't exactly passed out evaluation forms with the women I've been with if you know what I mean.
People say that sex is a physical thing. People looking for a quick fuck say it's purely physical - no emotions involved. But the fact is, you still have to be attracted to someone to even want to go bed with them. And attraction is a mental thing. When you're attracted to them, you desire them, and when you desire them, the sex part is always, always more intense and pleasurable. And the more pleasurable it is, the more likely you will be considered 'a good fuck' by said woman.
Even though we'd just drank 2 bottles of wine between the two of us, and we were both kinda tipsy, and all we were talking about was sex, I still couldn't know if I was desirable in any way to this woman. Even if I did somehow manage to seduce her to bed, there isn't any guarantee she'd find me any good. Plus, she was a FRIEND. Some lines can be flirted closely with, but never crossed. I guess somewhere inside, I knew with this friend at least, I couldn't bring myself to cross that line..... unless I knew she wanted to. Damn, I can be so evil.
"Well, here's a toast...... to you finding yourself a good man, and a good fuck for life. I'll be sure to keep a lookout for you" I raised my glass.
"I'll toast to that. Cheers." she said.
"Your only problem is - a true gentleman never kiss and tells. So if he's really a gentleman AND a good fuck, his ethics will mean that he never boast such things to you. So, that leaves only 1 sure way to finding your man" I said.
"And what's that?" she ask
"You've got to start bedding more gentleman." I said.
"OK. You know any?"
"As a matter of fact, yes I do."
"Who?"
ME!
Sometimes I wonder if you still think of me.
Sometimes I close my eyes and imagine how it would be like if things turned out differently. What if I had done things differently? What if I had chosen otherwise? How would things be like today? Whatever it would have been, I know it would have been anything but this.
Not that I’m putting my whole life on hold thinking about all these things. As Robert Frost said “In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on” Go on we must, and go on we shall. I’m moving on, I’m getting on with my life.
It’s just that I find myself waking up in the middle of the night as I write this, in a foreign land, tossing and turning, unable to sleep, and despite trying the hardest not to… I still think of you. I look out my window, up to the sky in the quiet of the night, feeling pretty sure that you are fast asleep. Do you ever think of me, like how I am of you now? A silly question really. It’s not like I’m ever going to get an answer. And I’m not sure I even want to hear one anyway.
And yet I continue to wonder. A bigger question comes to me.
If I’ve really moved on, why the hell am I still thinking about you? Isn’t it supposed to be that once you put someone behind you, you think about them once a year of five years down the line or something? Why? Why am I still thinking of you? And if I do, is there anything wrong with that? Does moving along mean having to erase the memory of the person from your mind?
In the movie Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, both the lovers decided they want each other erased from their memory. He does so because he’s hurt that she decided to erase him first. Life seemed so painful; all the beautiful memories turn into spikes that stab at the heart when brought to mind. Happy are those who forget, for ignorance is bliss. But halfway through erasing, he realizes that for all the hurt and pain, there were plenty of things about her he loved and wanted to remember even if things were not working out. Those memories were precious to him. And the entire movie is about him struggle to keep the memory from being erased from his mind. And bloody hell, I was thinking about you after it all.
Do you ever wish that you don’t remember any of it? Is it now a stupid mistake you just want to forget? Or have you already?
I pick up the card you made and read the words you said, and the little smiley you seemed to use so often. The little folded paper carrying the CD you gave is in my bag. I laugh at myself. Geez, I didn’t realize I’ve been carrying it in my bag all these while. I’m not quite sure what to do with all of these things. I’m not sure what do with the memory of you that is now embedded in these items and in my head. I didn’t give you many things, but I do wonder what you’ve done with them. Did you throw it away? Did you bury it in the farthest corners of your home? And what of the memories? Have you buried whose? Have they been overwritten? Forgotten?
It doesn’t matter. These are just things I ask myself at moments like these in the dead of the night when I’m feeling weak, wistful… and just plain stupid. They don’t need answering, they don't even need reading... they just need saying.
As far as you go, this is what I promised you, and this is what I will be in your life.
Non-existent.
“Blessed are the forgetful; for they get the better even of their blunders” - Friedrich Nietzsche
She holds my hand, glances at me sideways and flashes me one of those disarming smiles of her. A smile I'm sure has worked it's way into the hearts of countless men before me.
She winks.
I grin.
"You're quite the charmer aren't you big boy?" she says in her slow seductive voice.
"Now, aren't you the temptress" I reply with a smile.
She leans forward slowly, half biting her lips, looking at me straight in the eye not once blinking, daring me to look downwards at her plunging neck line.
I look straight into her eyes and hold her gaze. But not before my eyes betray me. For a split second, they work their way quickly down and up again.
I just undressed her with my eyes. She smiles knowingly. She knows she's got me.
Slowly she comes near me, bringing her face closer and closer to mine. She comes close to my ear, letting her lips gently brush my ear lobes. A tingling sensation shoots straight from my ear, down my spine, all the way to my loins.
"You have no idea baby..." she whispers and gently nibbles my ear lobes before letting go.
I close my eyes and inhale her scent. I catch a hint of her perfume. It's the one by Christian Dior. So intoxicating you know it's trouble, yet you can't stay away from.
The name?
Poison.
I imagine he must be feeling just like one of his movie characters right now.
Is it just me, or is the world and the media only too eager to crucify public figures these days? It's like we're all hungry for blood. It's the whole Tiger Woods episode all over again.
Personally, I'm reluctant to persecute the guy. The guy knows how to tell a story. He's movie Money Not Enough 2 single-handedly brought yours truly and half a dozen of his male friends close to tears. . His movies portray the true facets of living life in a competitive, consumer driver society like Singapore with all honesty. The characters he create are often less than perfect people. They don't pretend to be anything other than flawed human beings just trying to balance doing what's right and what they selfishly desire for themselves.
Isn't that a lot like you and me....and him?
Give him a break. He's Singapore's most successful film maker, not Singapore's biggest saint.
Let him lick his wounds and seek forgiveness from his wife. He's just human. And to er is human. But to forgive is divine. And I like to believe that there is a piece of the divine in all of us.
UK gives South Africa millions of condoms
What are they going to do, distribute condoms at the airport? Here's a quick fact check.
Better Fitting Condoms
Better fitting condoms eh? I suppose they could start selling them in different sizes for a better fit. Sounds like a good idea on the surface... but it has some pretty potentially embarrassing moments. Can you imagine?
You're a guy. You walk into the store, you do all the usual stuff you do when buying a condom, EXCEPT.. now you have to choose a size. Now, if you're.. ahem... well endowed... OK la.. but what if you unfortunately belong in the lower end of the 'penis size' band? HMMMMM?
Cashier : What size you need?
Small Penis Dude (SPD) : Erm... xs
Casier : What did you say?
SPD : I said.. xs
Cashier : Oh.. I see. So that's one packet of XS SIZED CONDOMS. Anything else for you sir? (secretly laughing his ass off)
SPD : (Covering his face running out the store in tears)
Lesson : Please stick to the one size fits all condom DUREX. It not meant to fit our penises but our egos.
Has it really been just a month since the new year? It feels so much longer than that.
I think it was C.S Lewis that said "The future is something that everyone reaches at the rate of sixty minutes an hour, whatever he does, whoever he is."
For once, I actually disagree with him. YOU try feeling lonely, wistful and forlorn every other night. YOU try letting go of what your heart aches and so desires for and then tell me at what rate that hour seems to pass. I know the hour is still filled with sixty minutes but when your heart is in turmoil, but sitting through every single one of those minutes takes such an effort.
A much quoted line from the series Dawson's Creek "Letting go isn't a one-time thing, it's something you have to do everyday, over and over again."
People always imagine letting go as a one time thing; a one off decision you just got to bring your heart to accept. And once you arrive at that point where you feel you are ready to let go, you do it. You let go. And you think the worse is over.
But no, that's really just the start. You find yourself waking up the next morning still wanting the very thing you just let go. Again, you struggle and struggle to tame your unyielding heart. By the end of the day, you are tired and drained. But at least, you did it. Through sheer will power, you managed to let go, again. But for a good few days, you find yourself retreating into a shell. You're exhausted. You feel detached from the world. Your heart; too spent to feel anything. Yes, you function, you work, you socialize, but looking at your own frowning reflection in the mirror alone at night, you and you alone know the reason why the smiles form on your face, but not in your heart.
Some days you think you're on the right track. You find moments to be genuinely happy about here and there; friends that genuinely love you, time bonding with your family, a productive day at work, good food, enjoyable evenings out. They help lift your spirits... and you think maybe you can do this. Maybe it's not that hard. Maybe you've finally found the courage and the strength you need to let go.. for real this time.
But the frustrating thing about our emotions is, it's always playing tricks on you... or at least, that's how it seems. Because believe it or not, you still find yourself sitting in the dead of the night thinking thoughts you shouldn't, wanting things you really should stay far away from........ yearning for people you swore you will never hurt again. Before you know it, your heart is raging its own battle all over again... the same one you thought you had just conquered. But this time, your battered heart isn't as strong as it was when the first battle was fought... and yet, you already know the outcome that must prevail. You know what you must do despite it getting harder instead of easier. But like a solider fighting more out of obligation than conviction, you don't really want to be there, you don't really want to win this battle anymore. You just want to surrender, you just want to give in.
I guess here's the most frustrating part; what you want the most, is sometimes the very thing you mustn't have. And having to remind yourself of that fact every single morning is bound to drain you in one way or another. Its what really makes the day drag on and on. It's what really makes your heart tired and spent all the time. Its what really makes sixty minutes add up to an hour, but fill up an eternity.
Good night world.
You know...
I was just reading the other day about how pharmaceutical companies are trying to come up with a pill that helps men last longer in bed and prevent Premature Ejaculation (PE). What's PE? In a nutshell... it's when a guy cums too fast, too soon. This usually happens when a guy is over excited and for some reason or another, has totally no control over when or how he cums. He may still be young, inexperienced, just plain dumb, has no understanding of his equipment, has a medical problem, can't control his excitement.....or all of the above.
OR... he could just not give a shit and just wants to cum as soon as possible to his own satisfaction. In which case, I believe the proper medical diagnosis isn't PE, but C.A... as in Complete Asshole. Take my word for it... if you're in bed with a guy who just wants to fuck for his own satisfaction... the next time he wants some from you ladies, ask him to knock himself out with a jelly doughnut or something.
Anyway, I was contemplating writing a letter to these pharmaceutical companies alerting them how wrong they are in the direction of their research. The world doesn't need pills to solve PE. These little boys just need to learn how to handle their equipment properly.
What they really need to invent, and what I really need.... is ANTI-HORNY PILLS......
I'm sure there's a market for that. There are tonnes of people aren't getting any due to occupational circumstances. And not just the usual suspects like monks and priest... even engineers. Being horny on the job can be quite hazardous as an engineer. It is known to have some pretty disastrous effects. Sex tends to seep into their work in very subtle ways.
Listen up boys.....
Two words : Sexual prowess
Simply put, it's your skill or stamina pertaining to sex.
Guys are competitive by nature in almost everything they do. Everything from how fast you run, how heavy you can lift, and even how far you can pee.... everything's a competition. Even sex becomes competitive sport. All men, I repeat, ALL MEN strive to become good lovers. And a big part of being a good lover is being good in bed. Now believe it or not, more than the number of women he can bed, a big chunk of a man’s ego is measured by his ability to satisfy them in bed. This is why everywhere in the world, we men seemed preoccupied over how good we are in bed. When I say how good we are, it means that if we are BAD in bed… we don’t want to know about it. Our fragile little egos can’t really handle that sort of failure. That’s why it ends up become the first thing on our minds, but last thing on our lips.
The problem with trying to measure sexual prowess: there are no quantifiable measurements. Imagine a guys line of thought; his ego is inexplicably linked to his performance in bed. He wants to know, but he’s also too terrified to ask. And on the other side, woman hardly go around telling men how good they are ‘performing’ because they don’t see it that way. And in addition, different women probably find different things pleasurable. So the man struggles in trying to find his own way of measuring his sexual prowess. Something he can measure across the field. He doesn’t just want to know; he NEEDS to know.
So what does he do? He falls back on the things he DOES know, which isn’t that much, but hopefully adequate. And what’s the most fundamental topic men who try to claim themselves to be men have good knowledge in? You guessed it: SPORTS. If marathons are about how fast you run and weight lifting is about how heavy you can carry…. hmmMMMm.. then surely sexual prowess is about how long you can last right? And if ending a race means crossing a finish line, then wrapping up your sex session must be the woman reaching orgasm right? Bingo! So the man concludes that that the longer you can last in bed, the higher the chance of her having an orgasm and the better you are. Simple, quantifiable, measurable; just the way a man likes his world to be. He now officially thinks he’s a god damn genius. Not since the theory of relativity has any man come to such a profound discovery.
Unfortunately, it all starts going downhill from there.
First, he discovers that he can’t last long enough. From highly reliable sources (namely porn), he knows that he needs to go at it for a good 30 minutes before the woman can come to a screaming orgasm. He of course ignores the fact that he actually also needs a 10” cock the size of a police baton (fragile egos remember). He tries, but discovers that the harder you try, the more nervous you get. The more nervous you get, the harder it is to stay erect (that kinda rhymes eh?). This of course results in an epic failure and he will cower away in shame for a good few days before attempting it again. His ego is on the line. But being a resourceful man, he thinks of ways to last longer; jacking off before sex, slowing down, doing math equations in his head, recite poetry… anything to ward off the impending explosion just a while longer… At least until she comes first…. THEN all hell can break loose.That's what he will keep telling himself "Just hold out until she comes..."
He first last for 2 minute during penetration; measly by any standards. Through sheer determination, he works his way up to 5 minutes….. but no orgasm. He tries harder and last 10 minutes…. Still no orgasm. He pulls out all the stops, solves 2 dozen quadratic equations and through sheer superhuman effort, last a good 20 minutes. Lo and behold…. NO ORGASM.
FUCK.
Something’s not right. But men aren’t quitters. He’s built to solve problems. If he can build the freaking pyramids, he can certainly do this. He calls in his chums.. and together, they spend billions of dollars in pharmaceutical research. They invent a little blue pill that will get him hard as a stick for hours on end. HAHA! Now you’re screwed my dear (no pun intended). If this doesn't make you come, nothing will. Of course, they have to mask they true intentions by telling the world it’s made for the old geezers who can’t get it up at all.
He pops the pill…. And the next round, he last a good hour. He comes repeatedly, but is still able to stay erect. Surely, this is it. Surely he has conquered. Surely she will………what’s that???
NO ORGASM? WHAT THE FUCK MAN?
He can't figure it out for the life of it.. So the woman... now suffering from a sore vagina and hearing way too many quadratic equations in bed, puts an end to all his crap and sets it straight once and for all to the man. She tells him two things:
Firstly, women don’t necessarily orgasm the longer you fuck. In fact, sometimes it just gets sore if it’s taking too long and she’s not enjoying it. It’s more on how good you are at doing it rather than how long you can keep at it. You would have done better learning how to spot what she likes, and what makes her feel good. Pushing the same button repeatedly no matter how long isn’t going to help if it’s the wrong fucking button.
Men’s reaction : WHAAAAAAATTTT????!!!!! There's more than one button???
Then the next second even more earth shattering truth.….. (take a deep breath men)
For women, having an orgasm isn’t a MUST every single time. It’s out of this world, and she most certainly enjoys it.... but if it doesn’t come… it’s can still be good and satisfying for the woman. You don’t have to beat yourself up if she doesn’t come like clockwork. An intense but pleasurable 10 minute fuck beats 45 minutes of mechanical fucking hands down.And you can always go at it AGAIN later.....
Men’s reaction : NO SHIT!! REALLY????!!! WTF??!!!!! We're allowed to do it AGAIN? *faint*
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And back he goes to square one. But at least he learns a few things.
#1 Sports analogies don't work for everything.
(You now need to stop worshipping ESPN)
#2 Porn movies are total fucking liars.
(You've always suspected those 10" cocks were CGI generated anyway)
#3 It's better to hear it straight from the horses woman's mouth
(In other words...... you should have just asked her in the first place Romeo)
*disclaimer*
I'm not a woman. I don't pretend to understand woman's sexuality very well. I might have gotten some things wrong about women and what they like in bed. If you're a woman, and have something to add or correct, you can say it or share it here to the benefit & education of all men.
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